To not know what to do?

[QuestionableMouse]

Have a MA graduation ceremony coming up. It finishes at 2:15. I usually do school pick ups for my sister which are at 2:35. The uni campus is over an hour away so no chance of being back in time. My sister has just started a new job and can't take time off (it's a very full on role and she's currently training, with no chance to make up the day if she misses it.) Her ex-partner has flat out refused to take any time off. (he's a huge knob in multiple ways!)

No grandparents on their dad's side. My mum and dad are attending with me. (I'm the first person in my family to graduate, let alone do a MA so it's very important to them.)

There's no after school club and the school have been unhelpful. No other family who can help (one auntie who is childless and wouldn't cope with two kids, the other has just had a hip op). Looking at childminders but they're all horribly expensive and tbh none of us can really afford the cost.

The best solution I can come up with is to take them with me to the ceremony. They're great kids (4 & 6) and I trust them to behave but I'm not sure if they'll be allowed in? Have emailed the uni but no response yet! What the hell do I do?

Sorry but your sister sounds like a crap parent too.

It really isn't your problem.

I can't believe I bit.

OP, can you confirm :

Do you have children? Who will be looking after them?

Does sister have a current partner ? Can he not look after her children ?

And

Is your sister a crap parent ?

This really SHOULDNT be your problem to solve!

It should be your sisters... But I can see how it has become your problem.

Dear sister,
I absolutely cannot pick up your kids on Thursday, as I have for thr last 2 months /2 years, as its my one off MA graduation ceremony. I've tried lots of ways to get around this but I can't.!

Can I suggest you arrange for one of your parent friends to have her for tea?

I m sorry I can't be there this time!

PS not going and missing out this very important ceremony to both me and mum & and dad is NOT an option.

If its today... Please. Don't. Miss. It....

The graduation ceremony is a one off... Once you miss it you miss it for ever. **

Your sisters child collection issue are a daily occurrence.

**. Just occurred to me... Is there a reason you HAVE to be there on this particular ceremony (most unis have several?).

Is it because its important to see your classmates.? (perfectly understandable!).

I moved my ceremony (I was graduating a year after my cohort as I'd had major surgery), my parents would otherwise have been out of the country.

It was a fine day, and I actually graduated in a much more pleasant environment!

Between all of these adults (half of whom work) you can’t afford a couple of hours of childcare?

Agree it’s not your responsibility, your sister should have thought about this before she took the job, clearly she has no contingency except from you and I’d be nipping that in the bud ASAP.

What will happen is one of your parents will miss your graduation to look after the kids which won’t help her learn a lesson remotely.

Come back OP! After all this we
have to know what happens!

What about a friend of yours or sisters friend. NEIGHBOUR! yours, sisters, parents

Have a great day @QuestionableMouse

I don't think your sister has had a proper conversation with her work . She needs to tell them she needs emergency child care . End of.Do not consider leaving one of your parents at home or taking kids with you. Now let her sort it out .

I don’t know if this has been suggested, but does your uni have a crèche (or similar!) that the children could attend for the duration of the graduation ceremony?

Supposedly it ended at 2.15, so hopefully it’s all done and dusted now.

I feel your pain it’s really tough when limited family options.
my kids re older now but I was in that position once.

after school childcare costs hundreds of pounds a month so a one off for a babysitter/ childminder may feel difficult but in the grand scheme of things is just going to be necessary.

what I did in a similar position:
1, invited kids for play dates regularly (I get what you are saying about the area but I am sure not everyone can be weird/standoffish. This not only cements friendships but provides a pool of other parents you can call on for help and believe me this will not be the last yime
you will need it so you need to build up your parent network

found a childminder who would take on and hoc basis - get it set up ahead of when you need it. To be honest most won’t do ad hoc - understandably as capacity limited and also more hassle
than worth. You might have to do a day or two a week at least for a few months . Or alternatively find a local babysitter - again that’s about tworking

above advice applies to your sister really BUT - if you are collecting from
school you could
lead the way for her and with her permission invite a couple
of
kids after school, kick tbings off, it’s always hardest making the first move and if she is caught up in work this is something you could perhaps
nelp her with

overall - this specific issue has just highlighted the cracks / fragility of the current childcare situation so my advice is more about going forward

hope You got it sorted -!: very best wishes

Will @QuestionableMouse let us know what happened?

Hope graduation went well today and kids were fine

Congrats!

You do realise that the children aren’t hers. She is their Aunty. Their mother and father couldn’t give a shit about them as they think it is op’s unpaid job to run after them and their children

💐 fabulous auntie

It’s a good point! I do realise that. I don’t think anyone can judge the parents we don’t know the whole
situstion. I was just saying what worked for me as a parent and if the parents are a bit clueless or preoccupied then some pointers around practical suggestions to give them a better contingency plan. Auntie is clearly a great and hands-on auntie and so would probably enjoy doing the whole play date thing and might be a way to lead her sister down that path As she just might not realise whst she is missing etc . All of that’s for the future and doesn’t help the immediate situation though.

If someone is so clueless that they don’t understand that it is their responsibility to organise childcare for their children if they can’t be there to do a school pick up then I would question how sage or involved they were.
Would these children be better off in someone else’s care

Doubt it

The op hasn’t been back since the majority said the dc weren’t her responsibility and it was up to the actual parents . I hope the op went to her graduation and it went well .

Hi
Did you go to your graduation with your parents?
How was the childcare sorted out?

We’d like to know, OP. Hope you enjoyed your day!

JUST TELL SIS YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR OWN GRADUATION AND SHE IS TO MAKE HER OWN CHILDCARE ARRANGEMENTS AS YOU WILL NOT BE DOING SO ON THIS MOST SPECIAL OCCASION.

She can but childcare for tbat day and, if she can’t afford it, she can take out a payday loan

Oops - didn’t see this was x4 pages long…