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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do?

404 replies

QuestionableMouse · 25/04/2022 11:57

Have a MA graduation ceremony coming up. It finishes at 2:15. I usually do school pick ups for my sister which are at 2:35. The uni campus is over an hour away so no chance of being back in time. My sister has just started a new job and can't take time off (it's a very full on role and she's currently training, with no chance to make up the day if she misses it.) Her ex-partner has flat out refused to take any time off. (he's a huge knob in multiple ways!)

No grandparents on their dad's side. My mum and dad are attending with me. (I'm the first person in my family to graduate, let alone do a MA so it's very important to them.)

There's no after school club and the school have been unhelpful. No other family who can help (one auntie who is childless and wouldn't cope with two kids, the other has just had a hip op). Looking at childminders but they're all horribly expensive and tbh none of us can really afford the cost.

The best solution I can come up with is to take them with me to the ceremony. They're great kids (4 & 6) and I trust them to behave but I'm not sure if they'll be allowed in? Have emailed the uni but no response yet! What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
TheRussianDoll · 27/04/2022 09:06

You must be able to attend the graduation. Your sister (and/or her dick of a partner) ie. their actual parents need to sort this. This is a special day for YOU, your mum and dad. It’s ridiculous.

zafferana · 27/04/2022 09:11

FGS, your sister needs to register with a babysitting service and get them to help out. You shouldn't have to take two DC out of school for this and it's ridiculous that your DSis hasn't got any emergency childcare:

www.sitters.co.uk

AuthorAccount · 27/04/2022 09:12

According to your “sister’s” history, she’s got a nephew. Do you have another sibling who could help?

AuthorAccount · 27/04/2022 09:13

… and she posted about her graduation ceremony dress? You use those accounts interchangeably do you?

BadLad · 27/04/2022 09:16

Onceuponatimeinalandfaraway · 27/04/2022 08:18

Ask the aunt who is childless and has made it clear before she’s not available for childcare. It’s a one of special occasion for you and your parents. It will be for two hours max. She can sit them in front of telly, put a movie on, or read to them or something. Stuff them with snacks. Or if it’s a nice day take them to park or for a walk maybe. She may actually enjoy it but be unwilling to do it regularly. If you provide toys and snacks to her and make it very clear this is a one of favour to you and your parents much more so than helping your sister out. I wouldn’t trust my mum to manage my three generally but as an emergency shed manage to get them home and a use them for an hour or two. Safer at mine as there’s less for them to break or mess up etc . You’ve nothing to loose and everything to gain by asking her for this one of because of your ceremony help.

Bugger that. Take a leaf out of the aunt's book, and make the sister and her ex sort it out between them. Copy the aunt in not being a doormat rather than trying to make her join you as a wet lettuce.

CornishMade · 27/04/2022 09:20
  1. Ring the uni and ask about ticket numbers, kids, creche, if live streaming etc. Emails will be ignored.
  1. Email your fellow students and ask if any spare tickets
  1. Aunty gets the kids as a massive once only favour for a special occasion
  1. Sister's current partner gets the kids
  1. All the adults club together for this otherwise unaffordable babysitting
  1. Surely there is at least one external adult known to all the other adults who might be asked?! Friend, neighbour... really, not one?

Even though it's for your Dsis to sort. Not you OP.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 09:27

You could always just not go to your ceremony so you can pick the kids up as usual?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/04/2022 09:43

Why is a childminder having 2 kids after school for one day too expensive?

Max of 25 quid I’d think.

Augustmummy · 27/04/2022 09:55

You are being totally unnreasonable because you are taking responsibility for your sister's children. Just tell her you can't look after her kids that day - end of. Her problem - her life -YOUR graduation. Sorry but your sister can pay for childminder or pull a sicky - how selfish she is. I would be so angry at her to be honest - piss take - you cannot take kids to graduation

PeachyPeachTrees · 27/04/2022 09:58

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 09:27

You could always just not go to your ceremony so you can pick the kids up as usual?

Are you the entitled sister!
Op just give up your whole life and lie on the floor as a permanent door mat.

Viviennemary · 27/04/2022 10:00

It would probably be easier all round if OP missed the ceremony and picked up the children as usual. Since no other solutuion from anybody in all these pages seems to be acceptable.

PaddlingLikeADuck · 27/04/2022 10:05

This whole thing it’s bizarre.

Your sister sounds incredibly selfish and self absorbed. How dare she make this your problem to sort?

Her children - her responsibility. Not yours.

Where I’m from, childminders charge £4-5 an hour so a few hours after school for two children is hardly unaffordable, especially if you are all contributing.

She’s absolutely taking the piss out of you and you’re just letting her do it. I imagine she’s been infantilised by you all for a long time, you all enabling her to absolve her parental responsibility which is why she just expects you to act like a doormat this time too.

Alwayslonging · 27/04/2022 10:05

I think you're making this difficult for some reason. Do you actually want to go the graduation, you've said you do but you are putting obstacles everywhere.

Phobiaphobic · 27/04/2022 10:10

This is your sister's problem to solve, not yours. The fact that you can't see this speaks volumes about your role in the family.

Kennykenkencat · 27/04/2022 10:12

QuestionableMouse Why did you get a degree if you have a job already that you can’t change the hours of and can’t leave.

Iamblossom · 27/04/2022 10:12

Take them with you. I would be surprised if the University objected and they can hardly turn you away on the day!

marvellousmaple · 27/04/2022 10:14

Am I allowed to call BS or do I get banned?

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 10:21

PeachyPeachTrees · 27/04/2022 09:58

Are you the entitled sister!
Op just give up your whole life and lie on the floor as a permanent door mat.

Show quote history

@PeachyPeachTrees

lol just curious as to what level of martyrdom OP was willing to consider….

marvellousmaple · 27/04/2022 10:29

OP Sell your gazebo

ancientgran · 27/04/2022 10:30

I have been to graduation where children have been able to attend, I've also been to graduations where there is an overspill area where people without tickets can watch live on a video link.

Is there maybe a TA at school who might do it? It would only be an hour so surely it wouldn't cost that much.

I hope you get something sorted, I know it meant alot to me to attend my children's graduations so I understand how your parents must feel and I'm sure you want them there.

Congratulations on your MA.

PeachyPeachTrees · 27/04/2022 10:30

Time's ticking, so it will have to be one of OP's parents not going to ceremony. Pointless them both going if OP is at the school gates!

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 10:34

PeachyPeachTrees · 27/04/2022 10:30

Time's ticking, so it will have to be one of OP's parents not going to ceremony. Pointless them both going if OP is at the school gates!

Which she will be at this rate

PunishmentSnart · 27/04/2022 10:58

AuthorAccount · 27/04/2022 09:12

According to your “sister’s” history, she’s got a nephew. Do you have another sibling who could help?

How have you found out the sister's posting history?

LindaEllen · 27/04/2022 11:05

LampLighter414 · 25/04/2022 12:03

What about their dad?

Any school mum friends who might be able to have them over to play until tea time?

In a worst case just go with one parent? It's not the end of the world.

Why should one of her parents miss out on something they will be so excited and proud to see??

It's the sister's problem. What would she do if the kids were off sick? She'd have to find childcare then!

AuthorAccount · 27/04/2022 11:14

@PunishmentSnart PP established one post from user that said “posting from my sister’s account” with the usernames provided. It’s all very confusing. I appreciate maybe they just use each other’s but given that they occasionally slate one another, seems odd…