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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do?

404 replies

QuestionableMouse · 25/04/2022 11:57

Have a MA graduation ceremony coming up. It finishes at 2:15. I usually do school pick ups for my sister which are at 2:35. The uni campus is over an hour away so no chance of being back in time. My sister has just started a new job and can't take time off (it's a very full on role and she's currently training, with no chance to make up the day if she misses it.) Her ex-partner has flat out refused to take any time off. (he's a huge knob in multiple ways!)

No grandparents on their dad's side. My mum and dad are attending with me. (I'm the first person in my family to graduate, let alone do a MA so it's very important to them.)

There's no after school club and the school have been unhelpful. No other family who can help (one auntie who is childless and wouldn't cope with two kids, the other has just had a hip op). Looking at childminders but they're all horribly expensive and tbh none of us can really afford the cost.

The best solution I can come up with is to take them with me to the ceremony. They're great kids (4 & 6) and I trust them to behave but I'm not sure if they'll be allowed in? Have emailed the uni but no response yet! What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
Tilltheend99 · 27/04/2022 11:28

QuestionableMouse · 25/04/2022 12:15

Because quite frankly, if I don't try to sort something, I might as well just not bother going cause neither my sister or her ex are terribly bothered about sorting something! Sis has her hands full with the new job and her ex hates me because he blames me for them splitting up.

Show quote history

If that’s the case just make it clear you aren’t picking the kids up that day. As others have already said it is NOT your problem. If your sister doesn’t care about something that is important to you why are you running around doing her childcare unless there is a long drip feed backstory about why she is the important DD and you are Cinderella. You are going to have to stand up for yourself op even if that means attending your ceremony alone and taking pride in your achievement.

HenBob · 27/04/2022 11:30

@Usernameinsponeeded LOL I remembered the name WeirdlyKind from last week - the one who's partner was shitting all over the house! Maybe she dumped him afterwards? The history of both user names paints a weird story - are the sister and partner together or not? Are his parents really dead as they were both alive late last year? How many family members are there really?! I mean, both of the users seem to want to martyr themselves an awful lot.

SlashBeef · 27/04/2022 11:34

🙄 you're literally choosing to make this hard work. Just tell sis "ill be at my graduation so you'll need to sort the kids out Thursday" and be done with it. They're not your kids.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 11:40

SlashBeef · 27/04/2022 11:34

🙄 you're literally choosing to make this hard work. Just tell sis "ill be at my graduation so you'll need to sort the kids out Thursday" and be done with it. They're not your kids.

Yep! This in a nutshell.

why is this so hard for you to do Op?

PleasantFucker · 27/04/2022 11:45

Jeez, your posting history is something else🥴
Anyway, grow a backbone and tell your sister she needs to sort her own kids out, you're being a martyr.

theremustonlybeone · 27/04/2022 11:47

You shouldn't be trying to resolve this. Your sister should be organising cover. You can book through an agency. As a last resort one of your parents will have to stay behind and look after them

Triptinratbat · 27/04/2022 12:17

@QuestionableMouse hope you managed to find a solution and get to enjoy your day tomorrow. Congratulations 👏 🎉 Best wishes.

Anewdaydawns · 27/04/2022 12:19

They're not the OP's children, so the issue of childcare is for the parents and only the parents to sort out. So what if the sister's ex won't do anything to help the OP because he doesn't like her? This isn't about him doing the OP a favour, it's about him and their mother ensuring the children are looked after. The OP has been given solutions by several people and all she has to do is pass these suggestions on to her sister, then look forward to sharing an important day with her parents. Let her or the ex make the calls, do the asking around etc. What are they going to do when the OP gets a job, tell her that her work life has to revolve around two children that aren't hers?
.
The whole thing seems absolutely ridiculous to me. The children have two able parents and they'll have to deal with childcare issues for years to come, so they need to stop pushing their responsibilities onto someone else. It looks like the aunt who won't do any childcare had them sussed a while ago. I don't blame her one bit for refusing to get involved.

Ninniwig · 27/04/2022 12:20

Talk to the university and ask to have your ceremony changed to a different date. Some universities live stream their ceremonies, perhaps one of your parents could watch at home, I realise that it would not be the full experience but if needs must.
Good luck.

Irishfarmer · 27/04/2022 12:22

I know she has already asked for time off so they will know. But could your sis suddenly have a sick stomach on Thurs?

Pursefirst · 27/04/2022 13:01

@HenBob OMG seriously? That shitting thread was bonkers and tbh I don't believe a word of this thread either. What kind of enjoyment do people get from posting these ludicrous threads? Go touch some grass or something FFS

Laurajane1987 · 27/04/2022 13:31

I agree with everyone here saying this isn't your problem (and realistically in the future things like this are going to happen over and over, if your sister job is incompatible with her actual children she's going to have to figure that out, they are her kids, you work around them or get a different job) butttt has anyone considered calling the school and seeing if they have some provision to help?
I get it you feel responsible etc but.
I feel for you though I hope it gets sorted

Scottsy100 · 27/04/2022 17:15

Sorry but this is not your problem but your sisters what happens when you get a job where you can’t go and collect them? Or are you permanently responsible for your sisters childrens school career?

Imtryingveryhard · 27/04/2022 18:18

Obvs not banned but I agree.

Imtryingveryhard · 27/04/2022 18:20

What did you decide to do OP? Graduation day tomorrow.

OldWivesTale · 27/04/2022 18:32

Could you all go - parents and the kids and then just your mum go into the actual ceremony and your dad and the kids wait on campus nearby; then they'll all be there for the photos etc after the ceremony. I remember my ceremony seemed short but it was a nice atmosphere on campus with all the graduates and then all the photos.

OldWivesTale · 27/04/2022 18:34

Also they had a screen on campus in a different area and they screened it live for all those that didn't have tickets to get inside.

The university might have spare tickets - lots of people don't go to graduation ceremonies so if you explain the situation you might get more.

PunishmentSnart · 27/04/2022 19:32

AuthorAccount · 27/04/2022 11:14

@PunishmentSnart PP established one post from user that said “posting from my sister’s account” with the usernames provided. It’s all very confusing. I appreciate maybe they just use each other’s but given that they occasionally slate one another, seems odd…

I don’t understand how people can search the poster though?! Hasn’t advanced search gone so we are unable to search poster history.

I can’t believe Shitty bum bum house was the sister - she had a partner who she cleaned up poo after - that definitely isn’t an ex!!

gamerchick · 27/04/2022 19:46

Nah advanced search is still there. Just.paste the name into the search bar and the search history automatically comes up, rather than hitting search at the bottom after pasting.

HenBob · 27/04/2022 21:07

PunishmentSnart · 27/04/2022 19:32

I don’t understand how people can search the poster though?! Hasn’t advanced search gone so we are unable to search poster history.

I can’t believe Shitty bum bum house was the sister - she had a partner who she cleaned up poo after - that definitely isn’t an ex!!

Show quote history

@PunishmentSnart I mean he may be an ex after that event 🤣🤣 but it doesn't explain why he blames the OP for them splitting up. Maybe she made him the food that gave him the upset stomach and now is trying to stop.her graduation as revenge?! It's all coming together now.

HenBob · 27/04/2022 21:08

@PunishmentSnart also I searched the history by just typing the user name into the search. It felt easier than it used to be.

Mollymoostoo · 27/04/2022 22:56

Everyone including children need their own ticket and only 2 people can be with you in the main hall. So one of your parents would have to be in the other room and watch by video link with one of the children.
This is not your problem to solve. You deserve your day and she needs to deal with her ex and childcare issues.

user1471459761 · 27/04/2022 23:11

Haven't read all responses but THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM IT IS YOUR SISTER'S! You are not available on this one day. Please don't feel bad about it and go andcenjoy YOUR day!

SarahDippity · 27/04/2022 23:16

Kennykenkencat · 27/04/2022 10:12

QuestionableMouse Why did you get a degree if you have a job already that you can’t change the hours of and can’t leave.

That’s a really odd take on this situation! The OP says she has a flexible job. Maybe she is upskilling. Maybe she loves learning. Maybe she has a special interest in something. But that’s not what matters here.

Kitkatcatflap · 28/04/2022 04:33

Hope you got something sorted for today. Good luck OP. I hope you and your family enjoy your graduation. Let us know how it goes.

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