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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do?

404 replies

QuestionableMouse · 25/04/2022 11:57

Have a MA graduation ceremony coming up. It finishes at 2:15. I usually do school pick ups for my sister which are at 2:35. The uni campus is over an hour away so no chance of being back in time. My sister has just started a new job and can't take time off (it's a very full on role and she's currently training, with no chance to make up the day if she misses it.) Her ex-partner has flat out refused to take any time off. (he's a huge knob in multiple ways!)

No grandparents on their dad's side. My mum and dad are attending with me. (I'm the first person in my family to graduate, let alone do a MA so it's very important to them.)

There's no after school club and the school have been unhelpful. No other family who can help (one auntie who is childless and wouldn't cope with two kids, the other has just had a hip op). Looking at childminders but they're all horribly expensive and tbh none of us can really afford the cost.

The best solution I can come up with is to take them with me to the ceremony. They're great kids (4 & 6) and I trust them to behave but I'm not sure if they'll be allowed in? Have emailed the uni but no response yet! What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 27/04/2022 04:34

I am guessing they used to go to nursery? Ring the place they used to go to and ask if any of their staff do baby sitting. This is really your sister's problem not your's. It sounds like you are kindly giving her free childcare - that does not mean she can just pass the problem to you. You only want one day to celebrate your success so you should be getting that. If your sister was sick herself that day with vomiting she would be missing training. She needs to speak to her employer about the issue.

Amandasummers · 27/04/2022 04:43

Truth be told this is your sisters problem. When one childcare option cancels - you find another. That's just life and something all parents tend to have to deal at some point.

Usernameinsponeeded · 27/04/2022 05:10

Motherdare · 25/04/2022 16:54

Oh. I just remembered who this OP is. 🙄

This intrigued me so I took the bait and did some diggin’!

So your sister usually posts under the username weirdlykind (I know this as when I looked up your name in search, she used your account ‘I’m using my sister’s account as can’t get in to mine’ to post recently on your account). She posted a couple of days ago on her own account about her partner being ill and the house smelling of poo because of it. So there lies your solution, her partner can collect them. Thank me later, enjoy your graduation.

FWIW, after being bossy and looking at yours and your sister’s previous threads… you do too much for her, she seems entitled (like you couldn’t go out for breakfast because she was taking too long putting on her makeup?!!).

Bottom line is, her kids her problem. Kudos to you for being kind (if this post is actually genuine, as a lot of the details on here contradict your previous posts), but they….are….not…..your…..kids. She will have to be ‘sick’ from work or leave early if your BIL (you said no in-law grandparents in this thread, but a couple of months ago he was fixing his dad’s car) doesn’t take responsibility.

gavisconismyfriend · 27/04/2022 05:52

If the course was online there’s an even greater chance some of your classmates won’t go. You don’t need to know them to send an email to the year group, just email and ask if anyone isn’t going/has spare tickets. If oddly you don’t have a course list, then email the programme leader and ask them to circulate your request. There will be a clear running order in the programme so it’s possible for your dad to hear the door he’s at the beginning, step outside with the children and then come back in to see you walk across the stage. There’s always lots of movement at ceremonies as every programme gets on and off stage at some point so he just needs to chat to whoever is on the door and time his re-entry so that it isn’t disruptive.

Sortilege · 27/04/2022 05:57

What are you going to do with the MA anyway if you’re irrevocably tied to a 2.30 school pick up for someone else’s DC?

Honestly this thread is quite bonkers.

Giraffesandbottom · 27/04/2022 06:18

How does one advanced search these days?

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 06:30

Giraffesandbottom · 27/04/2022 06:18

How does one advanced search these days?

I’d like to know too!

but from a brief basic search

this op thrives on starting threads on how unreasonable her sister and indeed family is

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 06:32

To be honest
once you start reason the OP’s previous multiple threads…. The only people you really feel sorry for are the children in this peculiar family set up

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 06:33

To be honest
once you start reason the OP’s previous multiple threads…. The only people you really feel sorry for are the children in this peculiar family set up

maddening · 27/04/2022 06:43

All club together for a childminder or babysitter if no other childcare.

maddening · 27/04/2022 06:43

If no money all sell a couple of items to pay for it, including your parents and sister.

tomatoandherbs · 27/04/2022 07:07

maddening · 27/04/2022 06:43

If no money all sell a couple of items to pay for it, including your parents and sister.

Bloody hell
entire family really is on bones of their arse if they can’t rustle up £40 between them and have to sell items in order to get £40 together between a group of working adults

gettingolderandgrumpy · 27/04/2022 07:35

if she won’t be kept on taking time off ITs HER PROBLEM. She started a new job knowing full well nobody to take the kids because she knows you will sort it out . If she really can’t cope with her own children then that’s the real issue .

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 27/04/2022 07:37

I'd bin the whole thing. Given the insurmountable difficulties you describe it just isn't worth it. Graduation ceremonies are incredibly dull (not to mention a massive financial rip off). I speak as someone who was the first person in the family to go to uni. I started on my 49th birthday and eventually got my MA the year after my daughter got her BSc. We went to her graduation and it was so incredibly boring we all vowed never to attend another one.

That doesn't mean we don't recognise what a massive achievement a graduation is and we still celebrate but we do it our way. A meal out or a barbecue at home or in one case a surprise party with their mates in attendance. All a lot more personal than a graduation and a lot more enjoyable, particularly for little ones.

Momicrone · 27/04/2022 07:39

You can pay people to do this kind of thing

Momicrone · 27/04/2022 07:44

Between all you adults, employ a childminder, you can find one on babysitters.com or a local online board like nextdoor. There is always a solution

marmalade32 · 27/04/2022 07:44

Bearing in mind a previous post of yours indicates going away to hotels is a thing you do with your sister there is money for childcare. For whatever reason you seem to like the attention here, 2 hours childcare is not completely unaffordable as a one off for 2 working parents
She also seems to have a partner! This is nonsense

Momicrone · 27/04/2022 07:44

Or perhaps your sister gets a new job

Onceuponatimeinalandfaraway · 27/04/2022 08:18

Ask the aunt who is childless and has made it clear before she’s not available for childcare. It’s a one of special occasion for you and your parents. It will be for two hours max. She can sit them in front of telly, put a movie on, or read to them or something. Stuff them with snacks. Or if it’s a nice day take them to park or for a walk maybe. She may actually enjoy it but be unwilling to do it regularly. If you provide toys and snacks to her and make it very clear this is a one of favour to you and your parents much more so than helping your sister out. I wouldn’t trust my mum to manage my three generally but as an emergency shed manage to get them home and a use them for an hour or two. Safer at mine as there’s less for them to break or mess up etc . You’ve nothing to loose and everything to gain by asking her for this one of because of your ceremony help.

NannaKaren · 27/04/2022 08:24

Firstly congratulations !
second, childrens mum should call in a favour with another parent for a play date/whatever…
third - there are reputable Babysitter companies and Reg Childminders and the fees are a certain price because these professionals have first aid, childcare qualifications and have been vetted to check their suitability to care for precious children and I don’t get why people often say ‘expensive childcare’!
Enjoy YOUR day xxx

brookstar · 27/04/2022 08:26

Beachcomber74 · 26/04/2022 22:18

Just take them with you. Collect at lunchtime and let them be part of the celebs. The Uni aren’t going to turn you away.

They will if they don't have tickets!!

I work at a university and I was working as part of the my husband's graduation ceremony. We were given two tickets which we gave to his parents and we were refused any additional tickets ( we wanted one for our DS) because there weren't any extra seats!

People need to stop telling her to just turn up as that's likely to result in a really stressful and embarrassing situation.

LizzyA123 · 27/04/2022 08:32

Sorry to be blunt Op, but it is your sister’s responsibility to have alternative arrangements in place to cover this and if she can’t/won’t, as a one off, pay for emergency after school care/collection or ask a favour of another mum then she is poorly organised and relies on you too much. She is selfish to expect you to ditch your and your parents once in a lifetime celebration. I don’t think that school can just lob the kids out into the street if they’re not collected in time, think they have to hold on to them, emergencies and or delays etc happen all the time. Make school aware that you will either not be collecting that day or will be late and refer them back to the parents to discuss alternative arrangements.

Another couple of thoughts:-

What time does school finish? If you’re only an hour away could you ring school when your setting off back and let them know you are running a little late?

Put a call out for help on the school/class social media chat group, there’s bound to be one.

Failing that, sort an alternative collector yourself as your sister can’t/ won’t and split the cost between you, maybe your parents could chip in a bit too? Split two/ three ways for a couple of hours after school childminding the cost won’t seem so prohibitive.

ButtockUp · 27/04/2022 08:43

You're too nice OP.

You've taken it upon yourself to feel that this issue is your's to sort out.

It's not.

Please just inform your sister that you're going with your parents. Her child is her responsibility.

WisherWood · 27/04/2022 08:59

You'll probably find the uni has a creche or similar. Phone them, explain the situation. You won't be the only one with a childcare problem related to the graduation.
I mean, your sister should but I can see I'd be banging my head against a brick wall there.

mum61 · 27/04/2022 09:00

@QuestionableMouse
When people have children , the children are their responsibility to provide care for themselves or to organise their childcare if working.
Your sister needs to organise alternative childcare on I day the day of your graduation.
Thats it...

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