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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was rude?

155 replies

925XX · 25/04/2022 10:43

My friend is expecting her first baby. I spent weeks and weeks knitting baby clothes of every description. We met for a coffee in a very quiet cafe and I handed over the bulging bag excited to give them to her. She grabbed the bag, said thanks and without even looking inside put it on the floor. I was a bit taken aback after all my hard work that she had not even looked inside. I still didn't even when I left.

OP posts:
parietal · 25/04/2022 10:45

Did she know that these were hand knitted clothes? Could she be feeling overwhelmed with too many gifts? Or with anxiety about the pregnancy? A friend of mine was so anxious before her baby was born that she couldn't cope with gifts.

Dartmoorcheffy · 25/04/2022 10:45

I would have said "aren't you going to look at them?"

e

Is shwyou've are

Dartmoorcheffy · 25/04/2022 10:46

I hate this new format. I can't post when the screen keeps jumping around

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 10:46

Yes she knew I had hand knitted them and she does not have much money so I thought it was a nice gift.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 25/04/2022 10:48

Yes, that was rude of her. However, hand knitted baby clothes is a pretty contentious subject in our house. We have an elderly relative that knits baby clothes (lots and lots of them) and they have to be politely and enthusiastically received and then disposed of discreetly without offending.

Did your friend ask you to knit her a bag of baby clothes of every description? Plus, we're heading into summer so will they even get any wear?

VainAbigail · 25/04/2022 10:49

knitting baby clothes of every description

Eek.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 10:49

She said she would love to have some hand knitted clothes yes.

OP posts:
Heartsandflora · 25/04/2022 10:50

Some people just don’t appreciate hand made op. They don’t realise it costs time and money. I think it’s a lovely gift and i’m gutted you didn’t get the reaction you were hoping for.

KylieCharlene · 25/04/2022 10:51

You say she knew you had knitted them BUT did she really WANT you knit them? Did she ask if you could make her some items?
Did you tell her you were making them-and what was her response?
I personally love hand knitted baby cardigans etc but I know a lot of people who would not put their baby in hand knitted stuff.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 10:51

As already stated she asked me to knit them.

OP posts:
violetbunny · 25/04/2022 10:52

Hmmm, I would probably give her the benefit of the doubt and message her. "Hey friend, did you get a chance yet to look at the clothes I gave you? I spent weeks knitting them, I hope you like them?"

sayanythingelse · 25/04/2022 10:53

Yes, she was rude. She could have at least had a look and pretended to like them, even if she didn't.
What type of clothes are we talking? When DD was born, I had a lovely Chinese colleague who knitted me some errrm interesting baby wear that was completely impractical for a winter baby. I thanked her graciously but DD never wore them!

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 10:55

They were modern baby clothes In lovely yarn not the bog standard matinee coats.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 25/04/2022 10:56

Would she normally open a gift there and then? Could she have been embarrassed to open them there? I hate being given gifts in public.

phoenixrosehere · 25/04/2022 10:57

I don’t know. I wouldn’t try to open a bulging bag of anything in a place where food and drink are involved especially clothes.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 10:58

It would not have been too much to peep inside and say thanks very much I will look at them later. Not just thanks and put the bag on the floor.

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2022 10:59

phoenixrosehere · 25/04/2022 10:57

I don’t know. I wouldn’t try to open a bulging bag of anything in a place where food and drink are involved especially clothes.

She could still have looked into the bag and said the clothes look lovely. Basic courtesy.

tanstaafl · 25/04/2022 11:04

assuming she’s had a chance to look by now, has she responded at all?

phoenixrosehere · 25/04/2022 11:04

CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2022 10:59

She could still have looked into the bag and said the clothes look lovely. Basic courtesy.

Show quote history

True

Saying that, I doubt she was trying to intentionally be rude. She’ll get it home, have a look and likely contact OP and rave about them.

Unless she has form for this, I wouldn’t assume offence and if she did, why would OP go through the trouble in the first place.

donquixotedelamancha · 25/04/2022 11:05

Dartmoorcheffy · 25/04/2022 10:45

I would have said "aren't you going to look at them?"

e

Is shwyou've are

For a moment I thought someone had died mid-post.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 11:07

No response after a month. I would never take a gift and just say thanks and put the bag on the floor with no other mention of it.

OP posts:
bumpermom · 25/04/2022 11:09

Yea I would find this rude. All that time and effort.

GaspingGekko · 25/04/2022 11:11

Is she opening gifts for the baby yet? Some people are superstitious about this kind of thing - my husband is from a culture where it's bad luck to plan for anything for a baby before it is born (I had to ask my mum to stop planning stuff for our last baby around him because he was getting the jitters).
Perhaps she feels the same and doesn't want to receive any gifts for a baby before it is born.

Otherwise it does sound a little rude.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 11:16

GaspingGekko · 25/04/2022 11:11

Is she opening gifts for the baby yet? Some people are superstitious about this kind of thing - my husband is from a culture where it's bad luck to plan for anything for a baby before it is born (I had to ask my mum to stop planning stuff for our last baby around him because he was getting the jitters).
Perhaps she feels the same and doesn't want to receive any gifts for a baby before it is born.

Otherwise it does sound a little rude.

Yes she told me of some of the things she has been given. Obviously some peoples idea of rudeness is not the same as mine. I would always consider the feelings of the person giving the gift. Any gift is a kind gesture whether you like it or not.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 25/04/2022 11:19

No response after a month. I would never take a gift and just say thanks and put the bag on the floor with no other mention of it.

^This. She was very rude regardless of what was inside the bag. I wouldn’t bother with her in the future.