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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was rude?

155 replies

925XX · 25/04/2022 10:43

My friend is expecting her first baby. I spent weeks and weeks knitting baby clothes of every description. We met for a coffee in a very quiet cafe and I handed over the bulging bag excited to give them to her. She grabbed the bag, said thanks and without even looking inside put it on the floor. I was a bit taken aback after all my hard work that she had not even looked inside. I still didn't even when I left.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 25/04/2022 14:07

Do you think that she's going from denial to panic? Being pregnant and not being able to afford a basic wardrobe for the baby must be scary. Have you asked her how she is? I first thought that she didn't want the meet up to be about the baby, because of denial, or embarrassment of her situation. But she should have thanked you by now. I'd be asking her directly if everything was ok and did she like the stuff.

Parentcarerandcrazy · 25/04/2022 14:08

I also think she was rude, but perhaps didn't intend to be for some of the reasons others have suggested. I would raise it with her somehow, perhaps 'Oh by the way, what did you think about the clothes I gave you? Someone else I know is pregnant and I would like to hand-knit her a gift, so it would be useful to know which items you preferred? As they take so long to make, I won't have time to make more than one or two bits so I'd love to hear your opinion.'

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 14:12

Well after all the replies I decided to ask another friend who knows her better than me. I have just been told she has sold everything on ebay!

OP posts:
Stoppedsmokingnowgrumpy · 25/04/2022 14:12

Are you sure all is well with her pregnancy and rhe baby op?

oompapa · 25/04/2022 14:14

Are you a good knitter? Some people like to do things out of the goodness of their heart. But it might be that you're just not as good as you think?
What looks good in your eyes may be quite rubbish in another's. Sorry to say.

girlmom21 · 25/04/2022 14:14

925XX · 25/04/2022 14:12

Well after all the replies I decided to ask another friend who knows her better than me. I have just been told she has sold everything on ebay!

That's disgusting. I'm sorry OP.

I hope she at least got some things she needed for the baby with the money she made.

avocadotofu · 25/04/2022 14:20

That definitely sounds rude to me, people are really strange!

Eeksteek · 25/04/2022 14:21

Few people are knitworthy. I rarely knit for anyone but myself now. People have no idea of the time or cost involved. If people rave about my knitted things, I accept the compliment with something like ‘thanks, it took months’ or ‘yeah, the cables were a mite complex than a nasa mission’. And when they ask me to knit them one, I offer to help them learn to knit.

It was still rude, even for a bought gift. And you said it was out of character and she had said she would like knits - Maybe she thinks they are going to be matinee jackets etc and accepted because she really does need clothes for her baby, but would be embarrassed by traditional knits?

Kitten2 · 25/04/2022 14:25

That's really kind of you.
I was very young when I had my first (she's nearly 8 now). I had not much money.
One person gave me a bag of clothes, hand me down, I was so thrilled I couldn't stop smiling. But it does occur to me now that I don't think I did open it in front of her. I don't know why I wouldn't have, but I don't think I did.
I was so grateful. Perhaps I didn't show it. Though I did take some of pictures of baby in the items over the course of a few months

Plantstrees · 25/04/2022 14:26

925XX · 25/04/2022 14:12

Well after all the replies I decided to ask another friend who knows her better than me. I have just been told she has sold everything on ebay!

Wow, that is totally unacceptable. I can't beleive she did that to you. I would be so upset and would definitely drop this friend after that.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 14:26

Stoppedsmokingnowgrumpy · 25/04/2022 14:12

Are you sure all is well with her pregnancy and rhe baby op?

My other friend she is blooming and I should have known better as she often sells gifts, I had no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 14:27

said she

OP posts:
Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 14:31

Ah well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

OP posts:
SheilaWilde · 25/04/2022 14:33

She was rude not to look at them and say thank you. But selling them!!! That's so rude and must be very hurtful for you after you spent so much time and money making them. I would confront her then ditch her as a friend.

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 14:36

SheilaWilde · 25/04/2022 14:33

She was rude not to look at them and say thank you. But selling them!!! That's so rude and must be very hurtful for you after you spent so much time and money making them. I would confront her then ditch her as a friend.

I am going to message her and ask can she give me the measurements of something as I am making one for someone else and want to compare sizes. Watch this space!

OP posts:
Pember · 25/04/2022 14:38

If it’s true that she instantly sold everything on eBay after asking you to knit for her, that’s of course extremely greedy, rude and deceitful.

Could you “find” the eBay listing and send her a wtf message? Being hand knitted it will surely be pretty obvious those are the items you made. That’s if other friend isn’t mistaken or stirring.

In general though, I hate opening gifts in front of people and will generally thank the giver and tell them I will open it properly later, then follow up with a thank you message later.

Hand knitted things can be quite an acquired taste depending on the item (the picture you shared, for example, I would never have used for my babies as it’s not my style at all and I’d be worried about suffocation or overheating) HOWEVER I’d still thank the person warmly for it and not let on that I didn’t like it.

SheilaWilde · 25/04/2022 14:47

That's a good idea 925XX. I'd also have a look for them on eBay (look under 'completed' items too). I just can't believe the rudeness! Even if she decided they weren't to her 'taste' should still should have thanked you and just held on to the items.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 25/04/2022 14:49

I don't think she was U to not open in cafe but I would have expected a gushing thank you message later on (pp saying they may not be to her taste, well enough made, unwanted etc - irrelevant this AIBU is about manners!).

If she really has sold them I don't think I would have much to do with this person again. S

Nowomenaroundeh · 25/04/2022 14:59

I would be livid.

Firstly, there is no excuse for her lack of appreciation for a gift, any gift. The fact that she requested these particular gifts and you handmade them makes it a million times worse.

I have a friend who was ungracious multiple times with gifts. She simply took them, muttered thanks and out them down paying no attention to them. One time she actually smirked and said "oh no champagne, I don't like champagne." I never bothered again and it tarnished my view of her generally.

But to be put yourself out like that, receive no acknowledgement and then discover she is selling them... I'd have to address it and it would not be pretty.

RedBeetroot12 · 25/04/2022 15:00

Oh bloody hell that’s really poor form. I wouldn’t consider her a friend any longer!

5128gap · 25/04/2022 15:03

Can't believe the people jumping through hoops to come up with excuses, and justifying the friend's behaviour by saying she may not have wanted the clothes! Honestly do the people saying that have no awareness of courtesy? And that in a civilised society there are certain harmless norms we abide by to avoid upsetting each other? One of which is to show (feign if necessary) interest and gratitude for a gift.
Of course she was rude OP.

Hmum0fthre3 · 25/04/2022 15:08

@925XX thats awful Op sounds like a rubbish friend! I had my baby last week and came home to flowers and balloons of my Dsis who had also been watching my other 2, as soon as I saw them I became really overwhelmed and didn't say much them she left but as soon I pulled myself together I text her to say thank you etc, there is no excuse to be rude...

Goingforarun · 25/04/2022 15:16

Send her the message ‘Great to hear you’ve sold all my knitted items. Here’s my bill for materials and labour. . . . . ‘

Original poster
925XX · 25/04/2022 15:34

I don't know her ebay name can not find anything.

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 25/04/2022 15:42

925XX · 25/04/2022 14:12

Well after all the replies I decided to ask another friend who knows her better than me. I have just been told she has sold everything on ebay!

This is just so disgusting. She is profiting financially from your work and effort.