AIBU to wonder why so many people assume Johnny Depp is the good guy and Amber Heard is the villain? ..

[Cowslip4567]

People (from what I am reading in a variety of places on the internet) seem to have decided this even before the trial has been concluded. Presumably, we won't know all of the evidence until the trial ends.

The previous trial in the UK concluded that there was indeed evidence that JD was indeed a wife beater. How come everyone feels that they are sure previous trial had the wrong verdict?

"The pouring wine early in the morning was one part of the video"

The possible sign of an alcoholic, not an abuser. The two are not synonymous.

"it’s pathetic the playing down of his actions it really is"

It's not playing things down. It's showing some level of balance and normality.

"it’s a video of a man showing his aggression and being intimidating why because he can and he chooses to"

No, it's the video of a man slamming a few kitchen doors while being filmed and goaded by his wife and coming right after he's been informed he's lost most of his money. Good for you if you don't feel like slamming a few doors after losing hundreds of millions of dollars. Personally, I might do a lot more to a few doors and still not consider myself an abuser.

"he can self destruct without the aggression"

Aggression to inanimate objects on occasion is not abuse. She also threw a few things around. The problem is she threw them at him which most certainly is abuse.

Here's the link to the UK court judgement in
if anyone is interested. Well reasoned and provides a clear picture of an abuse dynamic IMO.

t.co/QFW1leSWBb

I think the cupboard assault took place shortly after his mum died? Could be wrong.

He said that his angered that day was nothing to do with her.

I've been in spaces feeling pretty trapped with angry men who can turn violent and there is no way I would engage or goad if I could safely move away.

I think this is the problem here it can be flipped both ways.

Goaded now

she was in the kitchen where they were both staying but she is goading him

any further of his actions you want to claim are down to her behaviour

No I didn't blame his a actions on her
I said he has claimed he was angry about something else.
My personal experience When someone has been kicking off is to silently try and withdraw (when' I've been fearful).

I'm not on either side...

Apparently it was after the news about his financial issues (owing about $100 million in tax!) so yes it's absolutely understandable that he would be angry and upset.
A few points however:

• it shows a relationship with alcohol that is concerning. This isn't the same as abuse, of course not, but it adds to the picture of a man who turns to drink when stressed and is perhaps not always the chilled out, friendly drunk his employees have testified to. Also, alcohol abuse and violence are strongly correlated. So while this doesn't prove anything on its own, it's certainly not a far-fetched connection to make given the aggression displayed in the video.

• slamming doors/cupboards etc isn't abuse in itself, I agree. But it absolutely can be part of an abuse dynamic. People who punch holes in walls are frequently also people who punch other people, and even if not, it's (deliberately) intimidating. In this particular video it seems like he wasn't angry with Amber per se, but the way he speaks to her when she asks what happened/ what's wrong you can see the anger is immediately directed her way. It is not something I would ever find acceptable from a partner. It's frightening.

• this is my subjective view, but I don't see her 'goading' him as some are suggesting. I wonder why asking what happened is seen as goading?

• again, this is subjective, but I don't think that 'slamming a few kitchen doors' is an adequate description of his behaviour. He's not just having a bit of a strop, or just upset, or even just angry. There is an undercurrent of violence. I would say this regardless of who it was or what the context is: that is a violent man.

• that said, I don't believe the video was ever claimed as an incident of violence or abuse towards Amber Heard. It speaks to Johnny Depp's behaviour patterns though. Stress leading to massive alcohol consumption (Isn't it always happy hour?/megapint hahaha I'm Jack Sparrow, remember?), anger, and scary displays of physical aggression (LOL I've assaulted a few couches in my time!)

• as to whether I personally would have filmed or got out of there, it's immaterial really as there is no one set way for a victim to behave in an abusive relationship. But given how much shit Amber has had for coming forward, I think the need for corroborating evidence speaks for itself.

Ok she isn’t playing the victim as YOU feel she should be

and his behaviour …..

the recording of amber are also as damaging as that of Johnny when Amber openly admits striking him, telling him that a man would not be believed I would call that goading. Libel is extremely hard to prove and I really don’t think that is his main motive. To have Amber publicly declare that she is a public face of domestic violence whilst leaving enough clues that she is talking about him must be galling. Their maybe no hierarchy in abuse but Amber definitely placed herself in the hierarchy of victim. The video of her in Europe taking the praise for donating all the settlement was for her ego, to promote herself.

Well I’d love your naivety because if your OH can smash up your possessions, he will have no hesitation smacking up your face next.

and domestic abuse /= being assaulted, nothing less. Surely we all know this by now?!

In that statement they are not saying the minority don’t matter. They’re stating an important fact. That’s all. Nobody is saying that AH wasn’t abusive. Nobody. However many refuse to believe JD was anything other than completely lovely all the time to her. It’s bloody weird and indicative of this besotted celebrity culture we have.

Yes I agree but the fact is too many people are refusing to believe their hero Jack Sparrow could be so awful, when he very obviously was. Even suggesting that a judge ruling that the comment ‘wife beater’ as fair and likely accurate, saying the judge is conspiring against him. It’s bizarre - and yes it is steeped in misogyny because there are two people who have both behaved abusively and only one is being terrorised, threatened, smeared and frankly spoken about worse in the press than genoicdal dictators and perverted elected members.

i mean what could it possibly be about AH that makes her so open to vilification, I wonder, and not her - at best, equally bad, at worst, much much more abusive - male husband. I wonder <wracks brains> 🧐

We don't know if Depp was violent to this man

but you are 100% sure AH was to JD? How do you know? We’re you there?

Being a self destructive drunk isn’t dangerous to anyone else?

with respect you are talking out of your arse and clearly have no experience of living with an alcoholic.

Yes, I'm sure it was galling and Depp obviously feels he's the wounded party, but that doesn't make it true. Imagine what it would do to his 'southern gentleman' self-image if the idea that actually he abused and mistreated a much younger woman while surrounded by cronies and enablers, hit home.
Heard obviously does have an ego much like 99% of Hollywood actors I would think. It's not really that relevant to the question of abuse.
The recording is damaging I agree, but it's a short section of a longer argument. The thrust of what she's saying is that it was a 'fair fight'. Actually I doubt it was, but she's clearly discussing a two-way physical altercation and pointing out that actually he's far stronger than her. I do think it needs to be placed in a wider context but I doubt that will happen on the Internet.

The possible sign of an alcoholic, not an abuser. The two are not synonymous.

Its is exceptionally rare that an alcoholic that has reached that level of dependence and aggression is not also being abusive beyond the scenes. Do you actually think they smash things up, down a glass of wine then say “Cup of tea then love?”. This is real life, it’s not a star is born or any other movie that romanticises alcoholism

but you are 100% sure AH was to JD?

She is on audio saying she hit him. "I was hitting you, I wasn't punching you, it was not a punch babe it was a hit'.
Minimising her behaviour and zero accountability.

No, it's the video of a man slamming a few kitchen doors while being filmed and goaded by his wife and coming right after he's been informed he's lost most of his money

How did she glad him exactly?

the word she said were:
”What happened?”
”What happened?” (Asking how he hurt himself
”Nothing happened this morning you know that”
”I just woke up and you were so sweet”

and oh my heard bleeds for the millionaire who is only a bit less of a millionaire. You know people are using fucking food banks and not having drunken tantrums about it?

The day my dad died I managed not to break anything and abuse my husband. There is never an excuse to behave like this. Wouldn’t you tell a poster on MN that very same thing if she said MIL died and DH is steaming drunk and throwing glasses round the kitchen and being verbally abusive

I’ve asked several posters several times what the ideal thing would have been for Amber to do, but none of them can answer. Funny that

I’ve asked several posters several times what the ideal thing would have been for Amber to do, but none of them can answer. Funny that.

How about walk away, not set up you phone hit record and then adjust the angle a couple of times just to make sure you keep him in shot.

And yet we believe that he ‘accidentally’ head butted her? See what I mean - total adoration and believing of one party and vilifying another.

beg my bottom dollar if the tape was the other way around JD sycophants would be saying “I bet she MADE him say that”.

It’s a good idea to record abuse, especially in a country with divorce laws that carry a very high threshold. How on Earth is she in the wrong?!

again if a MN poster said she secretly filed her abusive husband, would you say ‘poor bloke’?

And I’ll say it again - if only the “I would just walk away” crowd were the ones who were victims of DV, all DV would be cured, because clearly they have the perfect answer! Ta-daaaaah! Maybe get a PSA announcement out?

It’s a good idea to record abuse, especially in a country with divorce laws that carry a very high threshold. How on Earth is she in the wrong?!

What high threshold. I think that you can get a "no fault" divorce in the US.