AIBU to disbelieve posters who say they're ugly but their DH is very attractive?

[PeaceLurking9to5]

Yes, a thread about a thread so sorry about that, but not one intended to make any poster who feels bad about her looks feel worse, the total opposite.
When I read this statement fairly regularly I think no no no no no, you have elevated him and relegated yourself. He's not as good looking to the rest of the world as he is to you, and you're not as unattractive as you think you are, you're just running yourself down.

It is eye catchingly rare to see an extremely handsome man with an unattractive woman, so if you tell us that you're really unattractive but your DH is very attractive, I don't think you're being objective.

Less sexy Postman Pat has me howling

One of my good friends has another extended friendship group, and they all go on about how gorgeous Dan was from the group. Described him as a ‘pretty boy’. I wondered if it was time to go to Specsavers for me because I just thought it looked like all the features on his face were having a competition to see who was the biggest. he is also too skinny and doesnt wear socks with his trousers.

I know 4 couples where I think this is true.
In one case he truly is drop dead gorgeous. She is lovely looking but quite normal and nowhere near as attractive as him. They've been together over 20 years since they were teenagers and seem very happy.
In the other cases, the guys are just much more physically attractive than their wives but wouldn't turn heads in the street themselves. I know a similar number of couples where the woman is more attractive than the man.
Most couples I know are fairly similar in their attractiveness levels I think.

This. ^ Women in their 20s do NOT actively pursue men in their 40s. (Maybe occasionally if that man is powerful and/or rich.) IME and IMO it's the other way around!

Men in their 40s (and some in their 50s) are still 25 in their head, and think they're really attractive, and think the much younger (20-something) will be interested in them. It happens frequently to my DD, and it happened to me. I actually had men 45+ actively pursuing me when I was as young as 17... They were almost always married too! Absolutely vile, repugnant individuals they were. Inside AND out.

My friend has a friend. She met her at a Weight Watchers group. Nice lady the time I met her, but not what you’d call conventionally good looking and definitely obese. The next time I met her, she was with her DH….who really could be a film star! Who’s to say what someone else goes for?

My partner is attractive and puts more effort into his appearance than I do, good skin regime, haircuts, gym time every day and careful about what he eats, time spent choosing clothes that suit him. He's also got that cocky sort of confidence and attractive voice that means he's good at talking to people, especially women. I wouldnt say I'm unattractive (conventionally attractive just a bit overweight) but I am definitely punching. Random women definitely approach him, I've joked about taking a stick when we're out, one attractive 20 year old even came over to chat about how much she loves football and call of duty, gave her instagram name and spelt it out so he would definitely get it right. While we were clearly on a date eating out. His last ex was literally a car show model and more attractive than me any way you look at it. He also has money and an expensive car, which noticeably increases the interest he gets so I dont think it's entirely looks in every case.

@MurmuratingStarling - your experiences, are not everyone's experiences.

Also, for the 3 posters who have quoted me can any of them point out where I said my DH was in his 40's?

Aside from the fact he is only very early 30s, you are also wrong in assuming 20-something year old women do not pursue much older men in their 40s & 50s 😅

When I was at school I’ll always remember one of my friends parents - the Mum (who was the loveliest lady) but early 40’s had had 5 children and I would say carried a little weight, on the shorter side about 5.2 always very well put together but not attractive… her husband was a 6ft plus Italian pilot - could walk in a room and everyone would stop - such a charisma and good looking! He adored his wife you could feel the love that they had for each other! I recently saw a photo on Facebook and it was a special wedding anniversary- I realised pre children she was stunning and now in her 70’s looks amazing ( as does he!) still look as much in love!! I’m guessing at the point I knew her she had had 5 children - running a house with a husband who worked away a lot!

Made me realise its never what’s on the outside but what’s inside that really matters!!

@Hope90x

@MurmuratingStarling - your experiences, are not everyone's experiences.

WTF are you going on about? I never said they were!

Women in their 20s do NOT actively pursue men in their 40s.
I did. I can't be the only one.
My DH is frequently approached by younger women when we are out. I don't dance, he does, so I think women approach him because they think he is not partnered up at the event and looks friendly, not because he is gorgeous (although he does look like Dwayne Johnson imo).

@MurmuratingStarling

This. ^ Women in their 20s do NOT actively pursue men in their 40s.

Um, this. Duh.

Exactly this. The term "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is spot on imo.

🤣

you are also wrong in assuming 20-something year old women do not pursue much older men in their 40s & 50s

I certainly did. I'm sure I'm not alone in having done so.

I work with couples a lot and it's very rare for the disparity in looks to go in the women's favour. Most couples are evenly matched but when there is a big disparity it's nearly always the man who is less attractive. Sometimes women are with them for for their personality and I can see the attraction but sometimes I suspect it's more practical/financial/a complete mystery.

My DH is better looking than me bit it's evened up over time. I got him when he was at a low ebb though!

@VladmirsPoutine @Peakypolly thank you....

I had such a thing for older men when I was early 20s. I found them much more charismatic and confident. It's all to do in the way they carry themselves

This thread needs some pics.😂

IMHO most people over 40 aren't attractive, most are fat or wear horrendous clothes.
Apart from me.😂

Who does this when they go out anyway, I don't pay attention to other people judging them. Out of their league, it's like playground talk.

Or another contrast which I find more common is the woman looking much, much older than the partner. I know a close friend who's very upsettingly often confused for his mum!

Ugliness is a perception. What is considered attractive changes over time. YABU to doubt how people feel.

@Hope90x

...you are ALSO wrong in assuming 20-something year old women do not pursue much older men in their 40s & 50s.

No more 'wrong' than YOU are. In the majority of cases, a young attractive woman (in her 20s) would only go for a man old enough to be her dad, if he was powerful and/or rich. The chances of a woman of 25-ish going for 45 year old Keith in accounts who is on £33,000 a year is vanishingly small.

But I am sure ALL the laydeeez go for YOUR 'drop dead gorgeous 30-something hubster.! Does HE look like Dwayne Johnson too? Brad Pitt? Tom Hardy? George Clooney???🤣

Funny how so many women are popping on this thread now to say that THEY went for much older men when they were in their 20s, yet in real life I don't know a single one. The parallel world of mumsnet strikes again! 🤣

Exactly!!! I bet the women who ‘went’ for 40-50yo men when they were in their 20’s also looked towards investment bankers and the like, as opposed to Barry who works in Tesco

@MurmuratingStarling

Once again my love. Your experiences are not everyone's experiences.

How ignorant you are.

Ps, my DH is much younger than the age range you're referring to. So no, I wouldn't compare him to those particular celebs.

I'm sorry you don't think particularly handsome people exist. They're all photoshopped, right?

@PlasticineMeg

@Hope90x carry on 'love' you are the gift that keeps on giving

I don't think I've ever seen a couple where the man is much better looking than the woman.

I've seen it the other way around.

I think that sometimes, those posters genuinely think that they're ugly. Whether it's because they have low self esteem, have been told that by spiteful people in their past or because their husbands like them to think that he is doing them a favour, that varies.

I know I had an absolutely gorgeous boyfriend in my twenties. He knew he was good looking because he'd always been told it, whereas I'd grown up being told I had a weird little catface and I wasn't anything special, I was just odd looking or ugly. Looking back on things now, I know absolutely that I wasn't repulsive. But I didn't know that at the time.

But then again, DP thinks he's ugly/not attractive, whereas I absolutely adore every bit of him. And I've seen women very keen on him when we've done gigs before now - whether it's because they, like me, find him extremely attractive or, unlike me, they're utterly impressed by the fact he's a bloody great guitarist (Why would I be impressed? I'm better at bass and singing than he is). Never felt the need to do the 'get away from my maaaaaan' business. Don't need to. He knows where he lives and honestly, it takes them practically mounting him for the daft git to realise they aren't just being friendly at the best of times; I've lipread some of the conversations whilst we've been loading out 'I'm married' 'What? So? She's here? Where?' (he points), they look and roll their eyes and walk off.

Anyhow, maybe those posters are less physically or conventionally attractive. But maybe they just believe they are.