AIBU to disbelieve posters who say they're ugly but their DH is very attractive?

[PeaceLurking9to5]

Yes, a thread about a thread so sorry about that, but not one intended to make any poster who feels bad about her looks feel worse, the total opposite.
When I read this statement fairly regularly I think no no no no no, you have elevated him and relegated yourself. He's not as good looking to the rest of the world as he is to you, and you're not as unattractive as you think you are, you're just running yourself down.

It is eye catchingly rare to see an extremely handsome man with an unattractive woman, so if you tell us that you're really unattractive but your DH is very attractive, I don't think you're being objective.

My sister, objectively, looks like Helena Bonham Carter. My BIL, objectively, is a 4/10.

She thinks he was "out of her league". So depressing.

I think that's rubbish tbh.

George Clooney looked amazing as he went grey in his forties and that was used as 'evidence' that man age better. Every Dave and Paul with grey hair proudly proclaimed themselves to be a 'silver fox' and to claim confidently that men age better than women. <snort>

But if I think of most 60 something women I know and compare them to 60 something men I know, the women are far more likely to be in better nick.

in my opinion, people with low self confidence about their appearance, often think their partner who is completely normal looking is somehow mega attractive. Maybe they are a bit less conventionally attractive than their partner, but they place a lot of importance on it.
Plenty of people dont place huge importance on looks in comparison to other qualities. Lots of people are a bit intimidated by people they perceive to be very attractive, or they have preconceived ideas that people who are more attractive are more likely to be arrogant or will cheat on them more. They feel more secure with an average looking partner or shock horror, they do actually find their partner beautiful.

🤣🤣 some of these comments!

I wish I had some of you around to tell me the truth about my DH. I think what the OP is saying is true for many, I know a lot of people who put their OH on a pedestal and it is largely women who do this. FWIW I don't think I am unattractive but I do think my DH is like a Greek God 😅

The only knock to my confidence lately, is that as I've gotten older, I have noticed I am approached" less. I am only in my early 30s but I feel the days of being approached at social events have been left in my 20s.

My DH on the other hand, frequently has young girls in their early 20s "approach" him, and they are so forward 😮some of them are bold enough to do it when we're together 😅

I have to admit that I worry I am not aging well.... Pathetic I know!

I think that there are huge differences in how people age, so it could go either way. Also, sadly (looks in mirror) sometimes the difference between 20 and 40 is bigger for women with pregnancy, young kids, etc, whereas 40 to 60 can be when it catches up with men.

I came across an article online recently about a woman saying her partner was exceptionally handsome and she was very ordinary. Women fell at his feet and questioned his motives being with somebody so plain.

He couldn't have been further what I whole consider an exceptionally handsome man and she was perfectly attractive. Such an odd thing. Left me feeling that she has definitely elevated him and the reverse on herself.

Would not whole 🙄

I think makeup has a lot to do with it. I don't wear makeup day to day, and nobody ever comments on my looks, or DH's. But when I put on makeup, people have been known to say things like 'your DH is punching above his weight' etc. I shut them down politely because I think it's weird, rude, and unnecessary. But the point is I think we expect women to look more attractive generally because most do, but for many women this is because they enhance with makeup. That's fine. So as an outsider you see a husband as he is, and a wife enhanced with makeup. So she looks better. But to themselves they see each other as they look naturally, and without makeup the wife maybe matches her husband a bit more, OR is objectively less attractive than him. These are generalisations obviously, but appropriate if we're talking about a population level phenomenon.

The other thing is that I noticed my DH suddenly became a lot hotter around the time I fell in love with him. Funny that.

I think that's very true. Me in Pajamas with greasy hair and no makeup, not sure how DH looks at me!

Me on a night out, full make up, hair etc, DH is lucky to have me

My husband is and that is being objective.
When we met we were young and equally attractive.
He has aged well and I haven't, partly my fault (I like sunshine and wine he likes shade and water) partly genetics, my family all look significantly older than there years where his look good even at 90.

Remember this is misogynistic bullshit though.

I kind of agree. It's like insecure women worrying about lapdancers, I personally don't think people who do that to survive tend to fall in love with the dirty little slugs who go to these places...not sure where slugs came from as an insult but I rather like it in this context, slimy shapeless and generally irritating 😆

That's a really good point - sometimes one of a couple can age differently than the other, so they might start on the same level but then it changes.

My husband is definitely the better looking of the two of us - and that's the reason my kids are reasonable looking too! But looks are only part of the picture. To be blunt about it, he had a difficult childhood and wanted to settle down safely with someone who could make a happy home. I'm no looker, but I'm confident and intelligent - I make him happy and I make him laugh. 25 years on, we're doing OK. He's not George Clooney, but he's a step up from me!

I dated a model and that was interesting! Im told I’m attractive but I don’t see it. He was definitely way more attractive than me but unfortunately had the personality of a cardboard box.
with my ex I was definitely far more attractive than him and it was very boring when people would constantly tell me ‘i can’t believe he managed to bag you’ ‘i can’t believe you’re with him’ and even the good old ‘oh if only you weren’t with him’ ???
my partner is probably equal attractive this time round, I think he could probs do better but he doesn’t seem to think so, so I’ll go with that!

I know I am attractive, I wouldn't want not to be so haveninvested a lot in my looks. Its not the biggest thing in the world but being thin and attractive definitely totally changes the way people treat you. Sad but true

I think it's really sweet (looking at posts above) how handsome and desirable these women find their partners. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder isn't it!

I only know of one, he was after sex and got trapped after a few shags. Yes he should have been more careful, took responsibility etc. It lasted a few years before he fucked off with someone else.

I'm the same age but people think my husband is 9lder. Recently we met a friends mum, an ancient old Egytian lady, very traditional and she slapped her son and said him and my husband were dirty old men and this poor young girl is being taken advantage of...I'm 47! Botox since before any wrinkles has been a godsend. I know miss not for everyone but it us for me.

She was probably fairly blind but even so 😀

When DH and I first got together we were probably around the same in terms of attractiveness, he has definitely aged better than me (I aged more during a year of mat leave than at any other time) , I've also gained weight and I'm not so invested in fashion etc. I know some of the younger women at work eye him up (we work in the same organisation and not everyone knows we are married especially new staff). However they don't have to live with him, the geeky hobbies that come with so much stuff all over the house, and honestly I'm not very interested in hearing about, the leaving pants on the bathroom floor etc. He works in a niche area with vulnerable people and that makes a man attractive to a certain subset of women. I knew him when he worked at blockbuster video 😁, we've known each other since childhood, have a huge amount in common and can read each other like a book. I also know there are other qualities he values about me.

So objectively people might think we are mismatched, but fuck them, my value is worth more than wrinkles and some grey hair.

Totally agree with this.

I have always had huge issues with self esteem and confidence, to the point that it’s controlled my life and I’ve never made a success of myself, and never will. This is 100% repercussions of knowing I don’t fit the criteria of slim and attractive and I never have. Goes as far back as childhood (severely bullied etc)

I was lucky enough to meet my husband when I was still in my teens and know he’s always been far better looking than I am! He’s exceptionally deluded and thinks I’m attractive, for now. But I know this will change!

If I were slim and attractive then I know life would have been very different for me.

I'm a firm believer in beauty is in the eye of the beholder , I think I'm average but my husband thinks in beautiful and that's what matters to me not what anybody else thinks.

I generally agree with you

of course I don’t really expect people to put up pics but when it’s stated that someone is very attractive etc I’d be interested to see the pics

I see couples where the man is better looking than the woman. BUT not based on natural good looks. Just that the man is clearly looking after himself and the woman not. I see that and think the man is a selfish arse who finds time for the gym and hobbies and leaves his partner with no spare time and all the shit work with the kids.