AIBU to disbelieve posters who say they're ugly but their DH is very attractive?

[PeaceLurking9to5]

Yes, a thread about a thread so sorry about that, but not one intended to make any poster who feels bad about her looks feel worse, the total opposite.
When I read this statement fairly regularly I think no no no no no, you have elevated him and relegated yourself. He's not as good looking to the rest of the world as he is to you, and you're not as unattractive as you think you are, you're just running yourself down.

It is eye catchingly rare to see an extremely handsome man with an unattractive woman, so if you tell us that you're really unattractive but your DH is very attractive, I don't think you're being objective.

I just don't really notice. I like his arms and his eyes, and his looks could change. But he's kind, generous, thoughtful and thinks I'm the hottest woman on the planet
Whether he has a belly or not or something else, I'm not fussed. Objectively I see it like "yes he has a larger stomach" but I don't have negative/positive thoughts about it, it's just there?
If that even makes sense!

I tend to agree joone thinks their partner is as attractive as they do.

But don's hard hat it's not that uncommon for 2 people of similar attractiveness levels to marry and one of them to let themselves go a bit. The partner wont always go for an upgrade because love is more than skin deep.

YANBU.
But only because I’ve rarely seen ‘ugly’ women.
I don’t believe in all this ‘every one is beautiful’ crap. There are obviously physical features that render one more fit to mate. We are animals after all, so it’s biological.

However the majority of people are plan. I’m racking my brains to think of genuinely ugly people Ive seen….

*plain

Yeah in real life I’ve only ever seen women being much more attractive than their male partner. I’ve never seen a very attractive man with an ugly woman in my life. Seen many ugly men with beautiful women.

YANBU. I find that how you see someone once you get to know them changes depending on their personality. Lovely people look beautiful to me and horrible people have an ugliness about them. You see the person kind of superimposed over the face iyswim

God that sounds like the plot of shallow hal 🤣 but it's true IME. Kind eyes or a beautiful smile or just a feeling of warmth coming from someone makes them so attractive. With an absolute twat you notice pursed lips and an unpleasant posture and stuff like that and you just end up feeling really uncomfortable around them.

I have a good friend with very strong Unfeminine features. She has a big chin and nose and her eyes are close together. She has a sturdy build and mousey hair. I think she is lovely but objectively she isn’t ‘pretty’. Her husband is a very handsome man and he adores her. This is entirely reasonable as she is a powerhouse of activity, confidence and charm. He would be so much less without her and she loves his gentle nurturing side. They make a good pair and work together too. The other couple I know who are similar are together because she shares his quite niche sexual fetish and this contributes to their happiness!

I know a woman who mentions quite frequently how attractive her husband is and I'm still not convinced we're talking about the same person.

I know another couple where the man smoking hot and the woman is much more average. They've been together since they were 16 and I think he has improved with age.

They're all happy so what does it matter?

It is eye catchingly rare to see an extremely handsome man with an unattractive woman, so if you tell us that you're really unattractive but your DH is very attractive, I don't think you're being objective.

I think this depends on the age group. I'm in my 50s and know a few couples where there is an imbalance. Sometimes this is caused by yellowing teeth, heavy wrinkles, thinning hair etc. I have no idea what some of them looked like when they were younger.

Completely agree with this. I know women who jealously guard their husbands when it’s abundantly clear that no one else finds them remotely attractive. I mean, good for them that they still fancy them but I agree- it’s extremely rare to see a gorgeous man coupled up with an objectively “ugly” woman. In fact, I can’t say I’ve ever seen this. Have seen the opposite though.

@Heliotropium how long have they been together? Did they start out this way or has time been harder on one and easier in the other?

@RewildingAmbridge

my value is worth more than wrinkles and some grey hair.

YES!!!!!

Me too 😂 I’ve seen someone on here a while back say her DH was “devastatingly attractive” and then go on to say he looks like a younger David Tennant 😂

Joking aside though, it’s nice that people find their partners attractive and think highly of them, as long as it’s not because they’re putting themselves down.

Depends where you are imo. In my north west town the man generally wouldn't be more attractive than the woman but when I lived abroad amongst ex pats, there were quite a few couples where the air force/pilot husband was quite a bit more attractive than his wife. Possibly a more middle class thing? Don't know

I just think men tend to age better than women, in fact lots of me: looks improve in their forties and fifties imho. Sadly that doesn’t tend to happen for women, well at least it’s not happening for me!

I’ve not met any couples where the man is (in my opinion!) significantly more physically attractive than the woman. A

Strongly disagree that men ‘age better’ than women. That’s just straight up sexism.

Good Lord this isn’t true at all! I look at my Facebook and the men have aged horribly like bananas compared to the women! Balding, overweight, beer guts, ruddy skin- whereas the women still make a big effort to stay in shape and take care of themselves

Tbh my ex was extremely attractive and people rarely chatted to me when we were out with the children. We even went to a comedy gig where the guy outrightly said how did I get him!? I'd much rather now someone who was kind to me than someone who looked good on my arm.

Surely it's all subjective?

Dear God how attractive is your partner that random women in their 20s are hitting in him in front of you? More to the point, what sort of flirting is he doing to attract them. 20 year old do not routinely hit on men in their 40s especially when that are with their wives/gf. Something very weird here.

I think most people look fairly ordinary, TBH. Not super attractive. Not super ugly. Just normal

I know a man with a very plain wife. Interestingly he was very good looking and charismatic, got a lot of female attention, when they met a decade ago, but since they've been together he looks, dresses and has a very similar personality to her. They're on the same level in the attractiveness scale and I did wonder if couples influence each others look when you've been together that long. Or maybe it was only youth that kept him good looking. People do age differently after all.

Before children my husband and i were
both attractive . I’d say equally.

Since kids? He is fitter thinner and richer
Im a dumpy peri menopausal cliche

He is far younger looking than his years,
I look like a bloody mess

I’ve completely neglected myself and he has forged ahead in every way

we adore each other so definitely not insecure about it but childbirth does a number on women in every single way which men largely dodge

I dated a better looking man once. Never again. Women would openly flirt with him in front of me, one even tried to give him her number! He was a bit clueless and thought they were just being friendly. He did love me and I felt secure in that. But having other women constantly treating me like I didn’t exist and/or thinking he couldn’t be committed to me because of how I looked was very damaging mentally.

I ended it for other reasons in the end. Mainly his “cluelessness” extended to many areas! But I’d be wary now of dating anyone that was objectively better looking than me. Maybe that’s why more men date above their league. They see it as a “win” and that they will be admired by others for it. Women are more likely to see the downsides and not want the hassle.