To want my own bed on holiday

[littlepieces]

I'm going to Lisbon for a long weekend in July, meeting up with two great friends I haven't seen for about 4 years; one lives in LA, the other is in Dublin (I'm in London). We booked a villa with four double bedrooms to accommodate LA friend and her husband, their friends (another couple) who I've met a few times and are lovely, then Dublin friend and me would each have our own rooms.

LA friend has just announced that she's invited another couple, hope that's OK with everyone. And possibly some other friend might sleep on the sofa bed for two nights?! This now means me and Dublin friend will be sharing a queen size bed. Now I adore Dublin friend but I'm 35 and want my own bed. Also she's 6'2, snores loads, and is always the one last to bed drunk, and freakishly early to rise. I'm a loser and like my sleep 😄. I'm thinking of suggesting to book my own place, but think this might go down badly. Something similar happened with another group of friends years ago on a trip to New York - they had people sleeping on the floor in a grotty, overpriced Airbnb with rats, while I stayed in a really nice, new hostel with private rooms. They were all a bit offended and caused some bad feeling.

This

It’s very easy for your friend to invite others along when it doesn’t mean any sacrifices from her, but it is a substantial change for you. She knows she is a CF, she is just counting on you not saying anything.

So? Have you told them yet?

Totally with you, OP. I'm the world's lightest sleeper. Even sharing a room with DH on holiday is hard (at home, it's OK because I can decamp to the spare room if he wakes me up). I absolutely refuse to share a room with anyone else, because it means a night without sleep and feeling like crap the next day. I don't care about saving money, because what's the point if you can't enjoy the trip?

You must speak up. Don't let your trip be spoiled.

Put up with it for friendship?

Funny how that friendship and consideration only works one way, though, isn't it?

Every time they visit Europe they try to squeeze in seeing as many people as possible. I get that, it's a big and expensive trip for them, and they don't get as much leave holiday leave in the States.

But there's nothing stopping them from travelling with or arranging to meet as many people as they like and packing in seeing loads of friends in one visit - they just need to book big enough/multiple accommodation for the total number of people.

The more people there are in total, the more it will cost overall for enough flights/accommodation/food for the group, BUT obviously the more people those costs are split between; so it makes no difference to any individual person/couple, as long as everybody is happy to pay their own way for what they get and not relying on forcing others to sub them in a cheap holiday.

And to give a bit more context, LA isn't American, she's Spanish. Her husband is Italian-American. Both have huge families and live for big gatherings 🙈

Good for you. You should say something. Not fair to give up your room without being asked. Very rude/entitled. I am sure there are many ways to politely tell them this doesn't work for you.

I would t even want to share a room. So Sharing a bed would be an absolute no no.

Think of it as food, rather than beds/bed spaces, if that helps.

For argument's sake, you've planned (and paid for) 12 sandwiches each for the time you're there. LA couple have each taken their 12 sandwiches and put them in a locked fridge, but they're now eyeing up yours and Dublin's sandwiches and thinking "Gosh, 12 sandwiches would be nice, but I'm sure they could each manage with 6 and wouldn't be starving. That way, we could give the rest of their sandwiches to our friends, so they'd have 6 each - that's only fair for 6 to be the standard number for everybody. Actually, 6 is still a big stack - they could easily put up with 4 each instead of 6, so that would free up another two portions of 4 sandwiches, so we can give those to two other people. Yes, that would be nice. Sharing is caring and we're not really here for food - it's the time we spend together with old friends and the chance to make new ones, so nobody should be selfish. Yep, 4 sandwiches each is plenty."

Then, after making sure that as many people can benefit as possible, they excitedly call you in and give you your sandwiches: "Hey, everybody, you've got FOUR each - they're tasty, deep-fill ones, so it'll be plenty to stop you starving!"

Only then, once they've prioritised giving you all of your sandwiches, do they excuse themselves as they have something they need to do. You're all left thinking that, actually, it's far from ideal, but at least you all got the same. Wait, they didn't get theirs, did they? They'll be so hungry the whole time - you hope they don't take too long doing whatever it is they had to do, so they can come and eat as well - all you know is that you saw them going towards the kitchen with a big key labelled 'Beko'. You've all got to look out for each other and make sure they get fed too, they can always have some of yours if necessary, as you've each got 4; what are friends for, eh?

For some bizarre reason now, I keep thinking of the River Orwell in Suffolk....

And to give a bit more context, LA isn't American, she's Spanish. Her husband is Italian-American. Both have huge families and live for big gatherings

So what they're saying is that it's their tradition/background to get everybody else to budge up and give ground to fit more and more people in.... but for some reason, THEY don't do that themselves?

YANBU. I wouldn’t be happy and I think they’re really cheeky for suggesting it

YANBU! How cheeky of them.

Hahaha nice try

If they want to host the other couple in their room then that's an option I guess but I would be irritated as it would immediately disrupt the dynamics and the space considerations.

They have a nerve rejigging your sleeping arrangements to your detriment, how arrogant. A big fat no is in order.

Bollocks. It would be the end of the friendship for me if it were forced.

They must realise that not everybody lives for huge gatherings, though? Surely they understand that not everybody is like them - and that their preference doesn't automatically trump everybody else's - especially when the others then have to make sacrifices and they don't?

1. Call Dublin. Find out if you are on the same page about sharing a room. Tell her what you think and ask what she thinks. You may find strength in numbers. See if she wants to book a nearby 2 bed apartment.

1. Message LA (don’t call, you want it in unambiguous, black and white writing). Maybe you and Dublin agree, maybe you don’t, but either way you are not sharing a room or a bed on this trip.

Just saying but with most Americans I know you have to be specific and crystal clear, they dont get ‘faux’ questions and British under statement. You can invite as many people as you want, but I will not be sharing my room with anyone, ever. Do they understand that?

Suggest you communicate quickly and clearly

I hope you get it sorted OP

TBH I'd look for another place to stay just in case they all pitch up anyway

I also absolutely hate people sleeping in the lounge, never mind sharing a bed/room with anyone. The place ends up looking like a squat and you have to walk around other people's underwear. No thanks.

I agree with @SeaToSki , please don't be coy, be direct.

You're reluctant to discuss this because of something similar that happened many years ago. This time don't just slink off and rent somewhere else ( but do have a look as lots of lovely not expensive hotels in Lisbon) .

You don't need to be rude , just state the facts "I'm not willing to share a bed." and proceed from there.

Just saying but with most Americans I know you have to be specific and crystal clear, they dont get ‘faux’ questions and British under statement.

But do they genuinely think that people like to share a bed with somebody other than their spouse/partner/child - somebody just allocated to them? Are lots of Americans genuinely uninterested in privacy or personal space? If they have a massive bed that they share with their spouse, do they routinely stop and think "Hey, we could fit another person in here - the more the merrier!" before trawling around for a stranger to hop in too? I'm not talking about swinging or anything like that - purely for sleeping purposes and maximising the use of resources?

Be blunt. This is a total lack of respect for single people. Your friend and her husband both still have a room to themselves. Their other married friends also still have a room to themselves.

It's just you and your other single friends who have to give up your bed - for another married couple.

Tell them you're out and book a hotel room

As an American this is THE TRUTH

I've been wincing at a lot of the suggested replies on here because they will go straight over their heads. You have to be direct.

Just ask LA friend where she and her husband now plan to sleep if they given their bedroom to the new couple and some other friend has already taken the sofa.

*they have

“If we’d wanted to share a room, we’d have booked a smaller villa in the first place”