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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my own bed on holiday

281 replies

littlepieces · 23/04/2022 14:16

I'm going to Lisbon for a long weekend in July, meeting up with two great friends I haven't seen for about 4 years; one lives in LA, the other is in Dublin (I'm in London). We booked a villa with four double bedrooms to accommodate LA friend and her husband, their friends (another couple) who I've met a few times and are lovely, then Dublin friend and me would each have our own rooms.

LA friend has just announced that she's invited another couple, hope that's OK with everyone. And possibly some other friend might sleep on the sofa bed for two nights?! This now means me and Dublin friend will be sharing a queen size bed. Now I adore Dublin friend but I'm 35 and want my own bed. Also she's 6'2, snores loads, and is always the one last to bed drunk, and freakishly early to rise. I'm a loser and like my sleep 😄. I'm thinking of suggesting to book my own place, but think this might go down badly. Something similar happened with another group of friends years ago on a trip to New York - they had people sleeping on the floor in a grotty, overpriced Airbnb with rats, while I stayed in a really nice, new hostel with private rooms. They were all a bit offended and caused some bad feeling.

OP posts:
Parentcarerandcrazy · 23/04/2022 18:18

I would hate this, I need my personal space, something that I don't think I really realised when I was younger. I have always hated sharing beds except with SOs (and even as a happily married woman, I love having the opportunity to sleep on my own once in a while! 🤣)
Some great advice on this thread about how to respond though and it's reassuring to hear that I'm not the only person that does not like to share a bed with a friend.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/04/2022 18:19

So, @littlepieces 150 posts saying YANBU. What are you going to do?

twilightcafe · 23/04/2022 18:20

Nope.

Book your own hotel room and leave LA friend and her invited guests to it.

Bangolads · 23/04/2022 18:21

This is a pet hate of mine. If we’ve made plans don’t change then to add in friends of yours I don’t know. Those are my boundaries. Book somewhere else!

Sswhinesthebest · 23/04/2022 18:28

So tell them you do have a problem with it. Give them a chance to sort it before you book your own place.

Motherdare · 23/04/2022 18:29

Can you afford to stay somewhere on your own? Cheap hotel? Perhaps Dublin friend will feel the same? Or just say I’ll need my own room so can they find somewhere else to stay? If not I’ll try to find a larger place for us all.

MadMadMadamMim · 23/04/2022 18:35

That would be an absolute No from me. I don't like sharing a room, never mind a bed, with other people.

And I'd be extremely annoyed that she'd taken a unilateral decision to invite other people in a move that inconvenienced YOU and not her. Presumably she and her DH are still sharing a room and so it makes no difference to them - but she's decided to make the holiday cheaper for her by shoving you into a bed with Dublin friend and without asking you.

Not cool, LA friend. Not cool.

CorsicaDreaming · 23/04/2022 18:37

LividLaVidaLoca · 23/04/2022 14:19

Have you paid?

I think you need to shut this down early. How about a breezy “Ha, have they found somewhere to stay yet? At my age I need my own room, i’m
sure you understand”.

..

Yes, totally this.
Totally understandable to want your own bed (when I read the title I assumed you meant bedroom... then I read the post and thought omg sharing a bed? WTF?)

Totally unreasonable of your friend to breezily suggest it. They are the ones who should bunk up and double up if they want to suggest it.

Perhaps this other couple can have their room and they can bring Thermarests and sleep on the living room floor??!!

CorsicaDreaming · 23/04/2022 18:40

littlepieces · 23/04/2022 14:23

I think LA friend's thinking is that the more the merrier... and works out cheaper for everyone. So doesn't see any problem.

Perhaps the way to tackle it is to reply to her with,

"Mmm it's a tricky one, it's only got four bedrooms... where are you (LA CF and her DH) going to sleep if this couple have your room?"

AuthorAccount · 23/04/2022 18:43

Are you all splitting it equally? Could she be slightly resentful at paying what you’re paying but she has to share with her DH? Or have you split the cost via rooms?

Jem57 · 23/04/2022 18:47

Friends inviting friends never works,sack them off pronto

BoredZelda · 23/04/2022 18:51

Nope. I wouldn’t be agreeing to this. Either tell them the friends have to book somewhere else, or you will.

G5000 · 23/04/2022 18:53

Even if there were enough bedrooms, this was supposed to be a reunion of old friends. Now it's LA friend and her friend's holiday and you and Dublin friend like random third wheels. This changes the holiday entirely.

anotheronenow · 23/04/2022 18:55

Haha WHAT? LA friend is BU.
you are being a bit U by not replying to her immediately and saying NOPE I need my own bed and sleep.

Parentcarerandcrazy · 23/04/2022 18:56

Also for the suggestions that they sleep on sofa beds or the living room floor, that would be a hard no from me as well. If you've booked a villa, what if you want to get up in the morning to watch TV / go into the garden / make a cuppa etc, you don't want to be walking into a room with sleeping strangers in there.

Murdoch1949 · 23/04/2022 18:56

No it's not ok with everyone! The rules were changed. Book your own accommodation so you can enjoy your holiday.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/04/2022 19:01

Unless your friend who's invited extra people owns the villa and has invited you all for free then she's got a bloody cheek. Seeing as you say it will be cheaper for everyone this way it doesn't seem that she owns it. I'd be really angry with her. If you booked a package holiday on the basis of a certain sleeping arrangement and they tried to change the terms you wouldn't be happy. Why is it ok for one of the party to go over the heads of everyone else and invite randoms? Is she only doing this so it will be cheaper for her? So so rude and bad mannered and if were me I'd cancel the whole thing actually, ask for my money back and never go on holiday with them again.

bellac11 · 23/04/2022 19:05

Parentcarerandcrazy · 23/04/2022 18:56

Also for the suggestions that they sleep on sofa beds or the living room floor, that would be a hard no from me as well. If you've booked a villa, what if you want to get up in the morning to watch TV / go into the garden / make a cuppa etc, you don't want to be walking into a room with sleeping strangers in there.

Absolutely, it would feel like a bloody squat or something

katepilar · 23/04/2022 19:13

I dont understand some people. One thing is inviting further people to a group holiday, which in itself isnt ok without asking prior to inviting them.

But what I really dont get how did you end up with "having to share a bed with a friend". Did they just tell you that - we have invited other people and that means you need to share a room and bed with xy? Or did you just assume that this is what they assumed?

And no, no way I would share a bed with anyone. Two separate single beds with a big push if I knew the other person well enough to know I will be able to sleep when they are in the room. But one bed with one mattress and perhaps even one duvet, absolutely no way!

HollowTalk · 23/04/2022 19:16

It's not affecting that friend though is it? I think the newcomers should be getting separate accommodation, not you.

rookiemere · 23/04/2022 19:16

Who has actually booked the villa - is it cancellable?

Beautiful3 · 23/04/2022 19:17

No I dont blame you at all. I'd reply with, I'd prefer my own bedroom and to sleep alone! If this isn't possible I'll look for a hotel room, nearby. I actually think you'll prefer it that way. I know I would!

NOTANUM · 23/04/2022 19:20

LA friend can share her own room - problem solved!
I wouldn’t like to share rooms at this age.

katepilar · 23/04/2022 19:21

Also, you absolutely should be the one booking a different place. You are going to see your friends, not to stay separate from them.

katepilar · 23/04/2022 19:27

Sorry, that should read
You should NOT be the person booking a separate place!

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