To want my own bed on holiday

[littlepieces]

I'm going to Lisbon for a long weekend in July, meeting up with two great friends I haven't seen for about 4 years; one lives in LA, the other is in Dublin (I'm in London). We booked a villa with four double bedrooms to accommodate LA friend and her husband, their friends (another couple) who I've met a few times and are lovely, then Dublin friend and me would each have our own rooms.

LA friend has just announced that she's invited another couple, hope that's OK with everyone. And possibly some other friend might sleep on the sofa bed for two nights?! This now means me and Dublin friend will be sharing a queen size bed. Now I adore Dublin friend but I'm 35 and want my own bed. Also she's 6'2, snores loads, and is always the one last to bed drunk, and freakishly early to rise. I'm a loser and like my sleep 😄. I'm thinking of suggesting to book my own place, but think this might go down badly. Something similar happened with another group of friends years ago on a trip to New York - they had people sleeping on the floor in a grotty, overpriced Airbnb with rats, while I stayed in a really nice, new hostel with private rooms. They were all a bit offended and caused some bad feeling.

So OP have you said anything at all?

If LA couple are so tone-deaf and egocentric, they probably think that sharing a bed so that you (and also they, but for no sacrifice) save money is a genius idea that you couldn't possibly have thought of on your own.

It's alien to some people that you might ever want something a bit nicer for a holiday or treat and be happy to pay the additional cost. They're the same people who will be standing outside a cafe in the rain, mentally calculating how much they could save by making a jacket potato and a cup of tea themselves at home and scoffing at all the 'idiots' inside who apparently don't realise that they're very willingly paying extra for the service, ambience and convenience.

I’m exactly the same and absolutely hate sharing rooms with other adults. I want to fart as much as I want and not worry about doing something g like accidentally spooning a platonic friend!

@littlepieces
Yes I think that can be the problem that different people have different ideas of what's okay... or what they want from a holiday.

Still Absolute cheeky fuckery to think you should be the one to bunk up in a shared queen bed to suit her social plans though!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll - I love the connection between your username and very long and carefully thought-through sandwich analogy

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll so it's a massive generalisation but yes I do think on the whole, most Americans are happier sharing hotel rooms than we are, or why would the standard configuration be two doubles in one room.
I have heard of two couples sharing one room which to me is even more bizarre than sharing with DCs, and as per my story earlier my US Dcousin and friends seemed to think it was perfectly normal to be 3 to a bed, whereas on friends holidays we've recently started paying for single rooms to have a bit more privacy and space.

LA friend should have told her hangers on to book their own place. That's a HUGE imposition on the rest of you

As LA friend has invited these other people, she has invited them to share HER room, not yours.

It would be a definite "no" from me....

How are you splitting the cost?

She can’t just invite others to stay in the villa you’ve already booked, that’s incredibly rude.

I’d say I’m not willing to be in that size villa with that many people, can they get their own place or do we need to cancel our booking and get something bigger?

Stand your ground she’s being a dick.

Instead of a catch up with friends you are now on your friend's holiday. I wouldn't go.

If your Dublin friend are still keen, I would book a separate hotel, preferably one with a rooftop bar.

I fancy Pestana Lisboa Vintage. It is an aparthotel. You may be able to find one with two bedrooms?

Some people love getting in especially when someone else has made arrangements. For every more the merrier there will be a less is more.

Once was before the extras had been asked and another after (like this situation).

Posting is impossible today. The ads are scrolling in the way and the screen is hanging.

The last para should read that I have been in this situation twice. Both times I was organising a European trip. Both times I said I would prefer not to change arrangements. I booked apartments with enough beds and wanted the living space as somewhere we could relax, not tripping over people sleeping.

A firm NO, unless they share with someone else willing to double up. Do not compromise. Cheeky+++

Expecting you to double up with another 30+ female is on a par with you suggesting that their friends (who are NOT your friends) share a room with the couple who want to invite them.
I wouldn't want to share a room never mind a bed, with anyone, frankly. I like my own space.

Fwiw, it's two double beds per room because in the US, twin beds are typically only for children. I'm clearly one of the few Americans who doesn't share a room with 17 other people at any given moment 😂but if I'm booking a hotel in the USA I do not expect to be allocated a tiny bed. I expect it in Europe but not there.

And yes if I share a hotel room (only with very good friends!) I expect to have that double bed entirely to myself!

I meant for the above comment to reply to someone who asked "why else would they have two doubles per room if not to cram as many people in as possible" but for some reason my 'reply' didn't work. I'm still coming to terms with new Mumsnet!

I’d go with

Hey LA friend, I’m happy for you to invite whoever but Dublin and I won’t be sharing a bed as we both like our personal space. Should we look for somewhere bigger for all of us (can you cancel without penalty?) or will your other friends be staying nearby?

Something similar happened with another group of friends years ago on a trip to New York - they had people sleeping on the floor in a grotty, overpriced Airbnb with rats, while I stayed in a really nice, new hostel with private rooms. They were all a bit offended and caused some bad feeling.

OK but this new arrangement is causing bad feeling for YOU, and for YOU to be offended.

So, just go all in and trump them with the bad feeling and offence. Why is theirs more important….?

YANBU. Some people are happy to share rooms, but I'm not one of them either. Just be honest - I don't want to share a room, I feel uncomfortable with it, it's not about Dublin friend, I'd feel like that about sharing with anyone. If it's not possible for me to have my own room, I'll take back my share of the cost and book somewhere else, we can just meet up every day.

YADNBU. Apart from my bf, I don't like sharing a room with anyone, let alone a bed! Sleepovers were okay when I was a kid, but I hate the idea of having to share a loo/bathroom/bedroom, and don't feel comfortable doing it even with my best friend. I don't know what's worse - having to do a 'number two' knowing that the other person is just the other side of the door, and probably waiting cross legged for me to finish, or being the one waiting desperately to go .... nothing worse than a warm, recently vacated loo seat! Don't let your break be spoilt, speak up, have your own room, the one that you paid for!!

I would have done this at 20. All kinds of chaotic sleeping arrangements in those days, although usually only for a couple of nights tops.

Wouldn't have been comfortable with it after 25.

Absolutely no chance in hell I'd do it now.

Just say no. And update us,

I would have done exactly the same.

Just say that you will still need your room so any extra guests will be on the sofa .