To want my own bed on holiday

[littlepieces]

I'm going to Lisbon for a long weekend in July, meeting up with two great friends I haven't seen for about 4 years; one lives in LA, the other is in Dublin (I'm in London). We booked a villa with four double bedrooms to accommodate LA friend and her husband, their friends (another couple) who I've met a few times and are lovely, then Dublin friend and me would each have our own rooms.

LA friend has just announced that she's invited another couple, hope that's OK with everyone. And possibly some other friend might sleep on the sofa bed for two nights?! This now means me and Dublin friend will be sharing a queen size bed. Now I adore Dublin friend but I'm 35 and want my own bed. Also she's 6'2, snores loads, and is always the one last to bed drunk, and freakishly early to rise. I'm a loser and like my sleep 😄. I'm thinking of suggesting to book my own place, but think this might go down badly. Something similar happened with another group of friends years ago on a trip to New York - they had people sleeping on the floor in a grotty, overpriced Airbnb with rats, while I stayed in a really nice, new hostel with private rooms. They were all a bit offended and caused some bad feeling.

With all due respect, they partly caused the situation with inviting the new guest's, therefore why not book Alternative accommodation ?

I don't mind if I was in separate bunks, rather than a two in a bed

The friend who invited extra people without asking first is very rude

I would want my own room

I'd be having second thoughts about going but you've probably already paid a deposit etc

@Hawkins001 well I would say that they completely caused the issue! If I were the OP I would be saying "Where are you planning on them sleeping because Dublin and I are paying for our rooms and wont be sharing" with a nice passive aggressive link to other accomodation nearby.

Text 'It is not ok"

If she’s so game to invite more people perhaps she could squeeze someone in between her & her partner or in their room somewhere on a roll out bed… absolutely ridiculous to have that thrown on you

I'd book my own room no way would I share not a chance

You get your own room or you are ditching the LA friend. Why? She isn't a friend if she is giving your room away to her friends.

I hope you keep your own room and nothing spoils your time away. Enjoy Lisbon, it's beautiful!

Have you said anything yet OP?

They’re out of order. It’s a group holiday. Not for them to decide to invite others without consulting everyone. So I would be saying this as the dynamic will now change. I’d also be saying you agreed to go based on having your own room and you’re not giving that up. Let the new people find somewhere else to stay and meet up with you daytime rather than you. V cheeky if your friends making decisions without any consultation.

In relation to this comment in your opening post @littlepieces :
"LA friend has just announced that she's invited another couple, hope that's OK with everyone"

You'll be able to respond to that saying that it will be lovely to catch up with them but they'll need to find alternative accommodation. Currently the sleeping arrangements suit everyone else (including you) but when they are added to the mix, some would have to share and this invite was extended prior to any sort of discussion with any of the other house-mates. Doesn't work but you're looking forwards to seeing everyone again.

Also, completely aside, but I read the title of this thread and was picturing the scene where you were schlepping your own bed (as in the one you sleep on at home) to wherever you were going on holiday because you wanted your own bed on holiday (the same way some people have a thing about their pillows when they're on holiday) 😆

We have had this twice on holiday. Second time my DH almost left the holiday early - all due to sleeping arrangements. My DH NEEDS his sleep. Very, very grouchy without it - proper bed, reduced noise, dark room. One holiday sharing a ski cabin , my friend organised. She knew DH requirements. She’d been to this cabin many times, promises me we would have the bedroom. There was a sofa bed in the open Oman living area and a ladder up to a sleeping loft. “bedroom” was fashioned out of sliding shutters- no ceiling and no real walls. Only gave a hint of privacy. One extra person, added to the trip, slept in a recliner. It was an obstacle course to try to get to the only loo shared by 9 people. Years later persuaded DH to go away again sharing a beach rental. My DSIS organised and was asked repeatedly about bedrooms, privacy, noise etc. hahaha. A framed house where the bedrooms did have walls and doors, but the walls were only 8 feet tall, just part way partitions. the rest was open to the A frame ceiling so we could hear absolutely everything. Her DC were nightmares. No dud illiberal, shouting, screaming from early morning. The beds were left over cuts from WWII complete with sticky out metal coils under a rather flat pad, single size too.

we only go our own accommodation now including if we book with others, we do the booking and ensure proper sleeping arrangements and not over crowding.

Some people are unbelievable! The said friend had no right asking anyone else to go on the Holiday before she checked it out with you all. You should not feel bad about wanting your own room or bed if it was available.
The said friend thoughtless that she is should feel bad...why do people make things difficult for others??? Your going away with a group of people..so all decisions should be based on the said group! Not busy ball friend thinking to herself...Oh I will ask so and so and not thinking how it may go down! Dont you feel bad about it...said friend had no right to do what she did.

I know there's been some comments on this being an American thing and it's got me thinking... Could that be to do with the culture of summer camps as kids, sharing dorm rooms in college etc? Of course I'm basing this on watching American films 🤣

Exactly! She said it's so common for Americans to do this sort of thing. She's even had people calling from America complaining that she's not accomodating their (adult) children.
Luckily, she's used to them and is completely no-nonsense so gives them short shrift.

Are any of these extra people contributing towards the accommodation?

@Scoobydoobywho the impression I'm getting is that costs will be lower for everyone, but unless previously the costs were split per person rather than per room, then OP and Dublin girl are effectively sacrificing their comfort for everyone to get a discount.

@rookiemere

Surely there's a difference between sharing a room and sharing a bed, though? Not that a lot of people want the former, but it must be a very niche desire to want the second. We're not talking about large families living in real poverty, who have no alternative but to share beds: this is people who are well-off enough to travel to a different continent for a holiday break.

Amazing to think that there was controversy in the USA when Fred & Wilma Flintstone, two fictional people - married as well - were seen sharing a bed; but other people in the same country are content to have three or more real people piling in together! I'm not suggesting they're getting up to anything, but it's obviously a very close/intimate setting when adults share the same bed.

What LA couple have done - whether deliberately or not - isn't just to squeeze everybody in but to effectively replace you and Dublin. We all know the children's song 'Ten In a Bed' and what happens when you over-occupy and inevitably roll over!

Instead of (metaphorically) rolling over and accepting it, for fear of causing offence, I would take it as their offensive way of saying that they want these other people there in the same accommodation instead of you, and react - rightly offended - accordingly.

Exactly! She said it's so common for Americans to do this sort of thing. She's even had people calling from America complaining that she's not accomodating their (adult) children.

Is there something 'wrong' with these people? Do they also expect to transport 30 people in one car or for a single restaurant meal to feed 12? I know American meals at eating establishments are stereotypically large, but even so!

How did they even manage to get here in the first place when they bought three aeroplane tickets between them and 19 people turned up to the check-in desk expecting to sit in them?!

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll totally agree that there is a huge difference between sharing a room with two separate beds and sharing an actual bed.

However even then it's polite to ask the people who will need to share if they are prepared to do it. Some people relish sharing a room with two beds - my friend loves it to save because it halves the cost , but having shared with her she's one of these lucky people who puts her head down on the pillow and bang that's her for 8 hours, also falls asleep in taxis and planes.

Some people are great sleepers so for them perhaps the thought of sharing a bed isn't an issue at all.

I don't think LA lady is deliberately trying to cut out OP and Dublin lady, it seems more as if she's been a bit over enthusiastic in her invites and genuinely doesn't realise the impact on others of what she is proposing .

Still nothing OP?

What was the point of this thread?

Agree, need an update

Excellent. 2 blowup mattresses in their room it is then. Not in my room! I wouldn’t hesitate to say ‘you might have got carried away holiday planning, if you count the beds there is nowhere for them to sleep!’
It would not occur to me someone would just be casually assigning me to share a bed with someone, and i would find ‘absolutely not’ very easy to say!