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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

694 replies

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:39

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

OP posts:
JeSuisFattyGay · 23/04/2022 08:40

OP, YABU for entertaining this nonsense. She is not a friend (your OP doesn't exactly suggest that you were best buddies even before you went away).

Tell her you're sorry she thought it was a good idea to come on holiday with no money and that you are hardly rolling in it and can't afford to sub her too. Then do your own thing and enjoy Berlin. Do not under any circumstances lend her any more money, unless you can afford to lose it, as she will not pay it back.

spotcheck · 23/04/2022 08:40

Helpfully suggest she get a credit card cash advance OR ask if there is someone who can loan her some cash.

I'd balance between some free thing to do together, and paid things you do on your own

AChocolateOrangeaday · 23/04/2022 08:41

It's my worst nightmare to be going anywhere, be it a day trip or 2 week break without enough spends, therefore I save like mad and plan accordingly otherwise I just don't go.

I know not everyone is the same but the fact that she hasn't done this is obvious that she was expecting you to pick up the tab for it all.

Are you a lot better off financially OP and she saw you as a free meal ticket?

LookItsMeAgain · 23/04/2022 08:42

Keep track of your money (as in what you're subsidising her for including the gifts and the coffees and the food) and put a bill together for her at the end of the day. Present her with the bill. Someone in her family should transfer the money to her and then she to you or directly to you.

Stop subbing the holiday.

Don't spend another cent on her.

Are there any cheap one way flights today that you could come back on? Leave her there for the next two days???

oakleaffy · 23/04/2022 08:44

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:43

Thanks both! I don’t mind the odd, oh do you mind getting me a coffee but I was looking at souvenirs yesterday and she kept saying really obviously “oh mum would love that, and I don’t get paid til monday” about a 40 euro bottle of perfume! And then looking over at me! I think she’s down to her last 10 euros now.

My goodness-
Ditch the scrounger.
She’s being completely cheeky!!
I have never been on holiday with a friend in latter years ,because It’s much easier just pleasing yourself.

What a nightmare.
If she respected you, She’d not be such a scrounger.

rookiemere · 23/04/2022 08:44

You need to have the conversation with her.
"Friend - I brought enough money to last me for the trip, but I can't afford to pay for your meals, transport and activities.
I'm feeling upset as I really wanted to explore the city but I can't afford more than what I have already budgeted.
I think it's best if we do our separate things for the rest of the trip."

cooroocoocoo · 23/04/2022 08:45

She can use her UK bank cards to pay in Berlin. She may incur some additional costs (or not if the has one of those) but she has access to money the same way she would at home.

She may select not to of course, but it does not mean you need to pay for her then.

BruceAndNosh · 23/04/2022 08:45

I assume you are sharing a room if this is a budget trip
Awkward

MichelleScarn · 23/04/2022 08:45

lovingtheheat · 23/04/2022 08:26

Your update crossed with my post. Re the "I'll not eat". Don't even bother getting into that conversation, just go off and do your own thing whilst clearly saying yes payday is coming up and I can only afford to cover myself. You'll have to call a relative or use a credit card as I have no money to give to you / cannot afford to fund your trip too.

Agree re the dramatic 'i'll just not eat' what was she planning to eat then if that's all she brought?

rookiemere · 23/04/2022 08:47

Oh and download splitwise and put in every expense you've incurred so far.
I doubt you'll get any of it back, but it will maybe help her - and you - realise just how unreasonable she's being to expect you to pay for her.
I love Splitwise by the way, we used it on a recent friends ski trip and it takes all the awkwardness out of buying drinks etc. as you just put it in the app and no one is out of pocket- this is of course based on the presumption that everyone expects to pay for their own trip costs.

AngelinaFibres · 23/04/2022 08:47

By the time you get into your thirties you should able to plan ahead and to have access to a credit card that has enough on it to see you through until pay day. I know a lot of people won't have that in these harder times .....but they also won't be going out for 3 nights in a row and then flying off to Berlin. Presumably she thought you would pay for everything, and have such a wonderful time with her, that it would never occur to you to ask for the money back. She is the self appointed queen of cheeky fuckers

mum61 · 23/04/2022 08:48

Have an honest conversation with your friend.
Tell her you are sorry you didn't bring enough money to be able to subsidise her trip.

scorpiogirly · 23/04/2022 08:48

Who on earth goes on holiday with 7 quid???

AxolotlEars · 23/04/2022 08:49

Debit card? Credit card?

Unsure33 · 23/04/2022 08:50

I would sit her down and have a conversation. If you want to loan her money get her to sign something that she agrees it is a loan and will be paid back within x months . Never loan money without something in writing .

say you can’t afford to gift her any money as you have some big expenses coming up .

starfishmummy · 23/04/2022 08:52

Gaspingandleaping · 23/04/2022 08:33

I think I'd say 'Sarah - honestly what are we going to do here? If you don't have a credit card or someone to transfer you money then what's the solution?

If I pay for you then you'll need to pay me back when we get home'

I think you mean "what are you going to do here". It's not the OP's problem to solve. * *

WTF475878237NC · 23/04/2022 08:52

Don't lend her the money. After this trip you'll never hear from her again!

Your friendship is ruined now so just say I have budgeted for my own food, activities and souvenirs not yours.

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 08:52

Can’t imagine going on holiday with a work colleague that I hardly know. Just the two of you. It was a risk OP and sadly it hasn’t paid off. Best not to blend work and holidays in future! For this one, stay pleasant suck it up, as otherwise Monday back at work will be painful

WTF475878237NC · 23/04/2022 08:54

stay pleasant suck it up, as otherwise Monday back at work will be painful

^ what a doormat. They don't work together any more anyway.

Noseylittlemoo · 23/04/2022 08:55

I has a former flat mate /friend that was exactly like this! The only reason I know it's not her is the swearing as she was quite religious!

boronia · 23/04/2022 08:56

There must be a family member or closer friend who can put money in her account.
How awful for you OP. I'd be embarrassed and fuming too!

hopeishere · 23/04/2022 08:56

Definitely sit down and be honest "what are you going to do for food?"

The just grit your teeth and get through it.

Cherrysoup · 23/04/2022 08:57

I wouldn’t give her a cent. Ditch her and do your thing.

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 08:58

Doormat?

or strategic thinker!

stay pleasant,civil.
accept the holiday an utter failure
do what you like for the remaining day
and then be civil and friendly on journey back.
then never ever take such a risk again with a colleague you hardly know

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 08:59

So many mumsnetters always suggest the scorched earth policy

all very well when it’s not your life!

the op works full time alongside this person. Why make your life difficult but having a showdown. Grit your teeth, remain civil, move on

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