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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

694 replies

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:39

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

OP posts:
jubileeee · 01/05/2022 08:13

Wondering if there's been any communication at all from CF?

FlipHesAnnoying · 01/05/2022 08:21

Hi OP

Sorry but if this had been me I would either have bought her the odd coffee presuming I'd not see the money again, or I wouldn't have lent any money at all.

Did you have this conversation - 'oh shame you only have a small amount of money with you, have you got a debit or credit card - most work in Berlin?'

I'm surprised she's offered you any money back at all. Personally I wouldnt pursue it - this is a life lesson

My rule is - unless it's immediate family that I trust, never lend money with any expectation of getting it back. I only 'give' money or gifts. Never never lend.

SmokyLittleBeefBath · 01/05/2022 17:51

Have you heard from her OP? Any more money coming your way?

00kitty · 01/05/2022 20:03

What an awful break, really puts the dampener on things when mates behave like this, I recall one girl at uni always expecting the rest of us to pay for her I’ve no idea what she did with her own cash as was always living on payday loans too

I recall a week long holiday to Turkey with more of a mutual friend once, think he bought along less than £50, he was a single Dad and spent a lot of the trip complaining his back hurt (there was a masseuse on site advertising daily) even gave him £20 to get his back sorted, then he started saying he had no food for him and his boy when he got back so I did a Tesco online shop for £60 for them then I stopped talking to him when I found out from mutual friends hubby they went to queue up outside Game to buy the latest call of duty game at 5am for £50 the same week….he knew I was far from well off yet just took advantage of the kind nature (which looking back was probably my overdraft at the time!). Shortly after he landed a 45k job and never offered to repay anything!

if I were you I’d leave it until the end of the week and send her a message saying you feel upset that she hasn’t even been in touch with you about the remainder and that you hadn’t budgeted for paying for her meals etc and you were on a strict budget yourself and are now down £80 on this months budgeting and won’t be able to do x y z as a result and it saddens you that she values your friendship so little

user1471538283 · 03/05/2022 09:18

£30! I would nag and nag via text, facebook, whatsapp even if I didn't get the money back!

This proves that she had every intention of you funding her!

doadeer · 03/05/2022 09:30

Way too invested in this! @Dancingmoonlight tell us what happened?!?!?

internetpersonme · 03/05/2022 12:29

Has she blocked you yet?

Thejoyfulstar · 05/05/2022 21:09

Any update OP?

LoisLane66 · 05/05/2022 23:03

When you get to my age you've learned the lessons that younger MNers are still trying to process, such as the trusting OP, in this case.
Never borrow never lend is my mantra - not to friends or family. It can do irreparable damage in many ways.

Lilifer · 05/05/2022 23:22

LoisLane66 · 05/05/2022 23:03

When you get to my age you've learned the lessons that younger MNers are still trying to process, such as the trusting OP, in this case.
Never borrow never lend is my mantra - not to friends or family. It can do irreparable damage in many ways.

Totally agree 🙌🏻

WTF475878237NC · 06/05/2022 01:09

When you get to my age you've learned the lessons that younger MNers are still trying to process, such as the trusting OP, in this case.
Never borrow never lend is my mantra - not to friends or family. It can do irreparable damage in many ways.

^ see I'd say when you get to my age you've learned how to spot a CF so you can lend, just wisely. I suppose my mantra is lend to people you already know you can trust to do everything in their power to repay and only lend what you can afford to lose. I have lent to family and friends and always had it back.

stayathomer · 06/05/2022 06:20

When you get to my age you've learned the lessons that younger MNers are still trying to process, such as the trusting OP, in this case.
Never borrow never lend is my mantra - not to friends or family. It can do irreparable damage in many ways.
This used to be my mantra, repeated over and over to me by my parents who were fantastic savers and excellent with money. We went through a 'bad patch' years ago and we struggled and crawled for a few years until we were offered a loan by a relative, a relative who saved us and who we paid back early. Now I don't think life is so clear cut, and I'd never say it to my kids. You try all other avenues, yes, but if you have to ask for help, you must

ParisNoir · 06/05/2022 06:27

stayathomer · 06/05/2022 06:20

When you get to my age you've learned the lessons that younger MNers are still trying to process, such as the trusting OP, in this case.
Never borrow never lend is my mantra - not to friends or family. It can do irreparable damage in many ways.
This used to be my mantra, repeated over and over to me by my parents who were fantastic savers and excellent with money. We went through a 'bad patch' years ago and we struggled and crawled for a few years until we were offered a loan by a relative, a relative who saved us and who we paid back early. Now I don't think life is so clear cut, and I'd never say it to my kids. You try all other avenues, yes, but if you have to ask for help, you must

Nah, theres a huge difference between borrowing money for your financial survival from a relative you've know for years and the OP paying for an entire holiday for a work colleague she's only known 6 months.

Those are not really comparable at all- the CF in this scenario didnt "have" to go on holiday and didnt "have" to sponge off her work colleague

KatharinaRosalie · 06/05/2022 10:21

Yeah when you get older you will become better at spotting the CFs. I've also subsidised a 'friend' who was always in such dire financial state the poor thing could not afford anything.
Only that she seemed to have enough money at other times. Just pleaded poverty whenever I was around. Similarly to OP's CF, always went for expensive stuff when I was paying and never showed any gratitude. Like I owed her for the pleasure of her company. I was a mug when I was younger.

Thejoyfulstar · 15/05/2022 21:51

Any update OP?

doadeer · 15/05/2022 22:30

Fear we will never know!

Daisydarling22 · 01/06/2022 11:16

@Dancingmoonlight has she paid anymore back or have you been ignored?

HakunaMatiłda · 01/09/2023 08:30

@Dancingmoonlight did she ever settle her debts?

MyHomeIsMyHome · 01/09/2023 17:30

Dancingmoonlight · 28/04/2022 21:46

Have messaged her twice, read and no response! I was expecting to be blocked tbh, but know if I keep going on now I’ll get blocked.

I thought about now I’m back in the uk, just going around and asking for it, but then again I’m not the bloody bailiffs and she lives in a flat so could easily just ignore the buzzer.

@Dancingmoonlight what became of the rest of your money (and so called friend)?

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