To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

Don’t lend her any money. Tell her to look for the local Hare Krishna centre. They give free meals to people.

DONT offer a loan.
You are never going to see that money again.

She is a fully fledged adult, she can ask her family to bail her out.

If you no longer work together then there's no way you're going to get that money back. You're not the only person she can borrow from. She has family, friends and colleagues she can ask.

"I am sorry you came to Berlin with no money. As I see it you have two choices. Either stock up on pot noodles and visit the parks and place for free, or ask your family to lend you some money so you can truly enjoy the break. I do not have enough to lend, and quite frankly I am surprised you initiated this trip if money was so tight"

And leave it with her.
This is NOT your problem at all

This is perfect and please describe her reaction to us! the utter cheek of her.

Oh god please don't fall for the "oh I'll just not eat then" bullshit. That's emotional blackmail of the highest order.

I had a "friend" like this in the past and she turned out to be a complete narcissist. I completely recognise everything you are saying as she said exactly the same things about perfume etc and I'm telling you whatever money you give her you will never see again. Oh and if you do ask for it then you will be painted as the unreasonable one.

I'm sorry to say this was probably planned from the start - she probably remembered you as someone useful she could use, someone nice aka a soft touch she could take advantage of.

A reasonable person would have said "so sorry can't go to Berlin - I've got no money" not expected anyone to subsidise her.

As to how not to feel bitter? Go off, enjoy doing your own thing, don't give her another penny. Don't engage with her blackmail and congratulate yourself on your lucky escape.

Also agree with this.

Berlin is such an amazing city, you really don't want to waste your time there, so ditch her and do your own thing! Enjoy the rest of your trip!

It's all her own doing. No way can she expect you to pay for her.
She clearly hasn't thought any of it through beforehand.
Ask her how she would feel in your position.
She has ruined your weekend away.

Tough one. We all think we would say this or that but it’s very hard watching someone being hungry!

Could you say ‘I don’t have enough money for both of us, what would you do if you were me’ and just keep quiet and see what she says.

If she’s a good friend, I wouldn’t mind buying her food and drinks.

But what sort of idiot goes away with virtually no money?

Tough one. We all think we would say this or that but it’s very hard watching someone being hungry!

Packet noodles are 60p each, she does need to be hungry!
Although she won't be enjoyed three course dinners are op's expense, she perhaps should have thought about that before she booked it. It really is ridiculous to go away for the weekend and expect someone else to subsidise your jollies. There is no way op will see that money again, it is far better for her to cut her losses now. I am sure her friend will survive for a few days on noodles and some cheap plonk (as I did as a young person, did no end of wonders for the waist line so think of it as a favour)

What weird behaviour. Why would she go away with no money!!!

**she does NOT need to be hungry

This is why I always have a conversation a day or 2 with people I go away with. I ask how much shall we take/exchange in Euros and calculate how much we were likely to spend each day. Cf's always exists because 'we feel bad for them'. I would feel bad to leave her going hungry or her not being able to make her way back to the airport but I wouldn't feel bad about her not being able to join the activities. Like others have suggested, do your own thing and enjoy it otherwise you will feel even more resentment. It's up to you whether you want to loan her or ever want to see her again or leave her like that. You don't have to feel bad about anything.

She has probably done this before and has taken advantage of new friends. Let her go her own way. There are plenty of free things to do. Surely she has a credit card?
I like Berlin.
Don’t let her lack of money spoil your trip. Don’t feel sorry for her either. Excellent idea from previous poster but don’t lend her any money - you won’t get it back.

That's what pot noodles are for. Or equivalent. At least she won't try to pull that shit with the OP again.

I would sever the friendship and enjoy a couple of days sightseeing on my own. But then I have really got a low capacity for bull shit and don't like to be emotionally blackmailed. I would also hate to let the opportunity to explore an exciting city pass me by because of a moping moneyless misery. I would not be able to continue a friendship with somebody who saw me as a mug and cash cow either, so the friendship would be dead for me anyway. Obviously you might be a more sympathetic person than me though! And I get that it's hard to see somebody bored, lonely, hungry or penniless. But personally I would save my sympathy for somebody else

What a twat.

I'm all hot and angry for you.

I would be honest next time she gets shirty and say 'X, I'm sorry but I don't have enough money in my account for both of us. My car still has to come out before pay day and I need a food shop when I'm home.' If she persists, go your separate ways on the holiday during the day and NEVER do anything with her again.

This is someone in her 30’s not a 18 year old on her first holiday abroad . She knew perfectly well what she’s doing . She should be embarrassed!. Op you have my sympathy I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday, but let her sort herself out the friendship is over .

I think the friendship is over. If it were me I might give her 20 euros but spend our days apart. She's put you in an awful position.

I'd already be sat at the airport waiting for a flight home.

People like your friend survive off people like you OP who are too intrinsically nice to tell her that she's got some level of nerve and you're not funding her weekend away.

So she brought fuck all spending money, has .63p in her bank account and 10 euro at home. I'm assuming then she has no credit cards? No overdraft etc?

She knew this trip was happening and anyone with a brain would have put money aside and not gone out on all those nights out beforehand.

She is either completely dense or knew what she was doing, unfortunately there are people who swear that they can do holidays and breaks away very cheaply.... Yeah... When they're spending other people's money.

You don't have enough to pay for you both, this is your break away too and you budgeted for it. Why should you pay for her food and drink and days out especially if you have a good feeling that she won't pay you back. If she was a very good friend and you knew she messed up working out her budget and you knew 100% she'd pay you back then I'd lend her money if you have it yourself but she's been away before, knows the cost of things so she doesn't sound very trustworthy.

If it were me I'd either cut the holiday short and come home, but that'll cost you more or I'd tell her that you are doing your own thing and enjoy the rest of the break doing what you want. I would also tell her straight out that her budget was ridiculous and you are not in a position to fund everything for her.

I agree with others who say that your friendship is over. You've nothing to lose now by telling her that you'll no longer subsidise her and that you'll do your own thing from now on.

She knew perfectly well, before your trip , that she couldn't afford to go. That she's emotionally blackmailing /guilting you is a tool that she's clearly honed from using others before you.
She's known from before you jetted off that you wouldn't see her starve or go without... this is probably her MO.

It's interesting to note that you were "friendly " in the short time you worked together, but not friendly enough to continue that friendship.
How did you get to be friendly again?
Did she approach you?

It sounds like she's deliberately chosen you as her next victim for her 'poor me' ploy.

Just tell her you can’t afford to pay for the both of you. Tell her to ring family to transfer money.

Get her told. She is bang out of order and not a friend to you. Any decent person would have rang you before and explained they were skint and apologised etc.

She is using you snd sees you as someone nice to sponge off. Couldn’t be more obvious.

Any money you give her you will never see again.

If she refuses to ask others for bank transfer get on with the holiday on your own. It really isn’t your problem at all. Call her bluff!!!

Berlin is a wonderful city but like most places it is not cheap. This was planned.

From now on you do your own thing. Get a tour bus ticket and see all the sites. Go to museum island, Checkpoint Charlie, see what is left of the wall and go to the free Stasi museum, eat local cuisine, go to the markets, take a trip up the River Spree. You will have an amazing time without her!

No one I know would dream of taking so little for a holiday!