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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

694 replies

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:39

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 23/04/2022 08:07

Your second post makes me think she planned for you to subsidise her all along.

She needs to ask F&F to transfer some money for her to afford to eat! Make it clear you're not giving her another penny!

Hatinafield · 23/04/2022 08:12

She’s planned this very poorly!

Do free museum/gallery/church/park/river walk type things I reckon, it’ll still be nice and just easier. Then if you particularly want to shop, nip off on your own for a couple of hours at some point.

Don’t lend her money unless it’s unavoidable (ie to eat) and them don’t just buy the stuff- lend her a fixed and easily remember-able amount ie 30 euros, so you can ask for it back once home.

Good luck!

ImTheFuckOffCar · 23/04/2022 08:13

That’s really annoying. I’d just keep saying I only brought enough spends for me.
Don’t pay for anything else! She’s using you.

diddl · 23/04/2022 08:15

Hasn't she got any card with her at all that she can use?

FinallyHere · 23/04/2022 08:15

Have you had an adult conversation about it? What was her expectation? Did she honestly expect you to subsidise her?

Wow, that would be quite deep into CF territory.

I agree with PP you should do your own thing and leave her to it. I'd be fairly confident she would be motivated to find another solution once any potential subsidy is removed from the situation.

She may not tell you what she does but then ... do you really care? I would feel so cross about someone trying to 'bounce' me into paying for them.

Hope you find what works for you.

diddl · 23/04/2022 08:16

Sounds as if she has planned it perfectly!

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/04/2022 08:17

diddl
“Hasn't she got any card with her at all”

yes, this actually. Obvious, really.

sonjadog · 23/04/2022 08:17

I would give her a small amount so that she can buy something basic to eat, and then leave her to it and go and do what I wanted. She obviously knew she didn't have enough money for the trip, so what was her plan before she left apart from manipulate you into giving her money? Which makes her not a very nice person. I suspect this trip will end the friendship, so I wouldn't feel back about saying no to her now. You won't see your money again anyway.

Mix56 · 23/04/2022 08:20

If this is true its fucking outrageous. Either she does this all the time, or she is flaky as hell.
You say, "You suggested this trip, what did you think you were going to do on for a 4 days on 60€,
I am not your private banker.
Don't even ask."

AnnesBrokenSlate · 23/04/2022 08:20

It's not absolutely impossible to have a weekend away on the tiny budget she has. There are things you can do for free and you can eat cheaply. That might always have been her plan. The problem is that wasn't what you had envisioned so your expectations are clashing. You just need to have an honest chat about it.
I've had similar happen on trips with different friends. The first one, we just did a lot of free stuff. I 'treated' them occasionally if I wanted to but there was no expectation I would. The second time, the friend asked to borrow money. I lent them it and they returned it by the end of the break. They'd just misjudged when they got paid.

Original poster
Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 08:22

We are both in our 30’s. She’s been playing the whole “I’ll just not eat card” she said she only has 63p in the bank (UK) and 10 euros at home.

I’ve suggested free stuff absolutely like museums etc as enjoy those anyway. I realise it’s getting towards payday end of the month, but I did put money aside for this like most would. She’s mentioned “paying me back” for all the 5 euros here, and ten there- but I doubt it.

Im just a bit confused about how she thought that she would survive 4 days on 60 euros! Luckily our transfers were paid already so no taxi costs. It was suppose to be a cheap holiday but now it seems endless:

OP posts:
KenAdams · 23/04/2022 08:22

This was her plan all along which is why she's invited someone she hardly knows to go with her. You need to call her bluff, she must have access to more money but why would she dip into it if she knew you could subsidise her. If she's in that much of a bind her family can send her money, don't dance to her tune OP!

lovingtheheat · 23/04/2022 08:24

No one in their right mind would think €60 was enough. She should have said something before the trip. Instead she stayed quiet until it was too late whilst seemingly banking on you being nice enough to sub her. The fact she was hinting for money souvenirs suggests is it's cheeky.

Don't lend her anything. Say you can't afford it. You don't owe her anymore of an explanation. Her mum can do a bank transfer / she might be able to use a credit card (if she has one). It isn't your problem.

Do say you're going to go off and shop/explore on your own and will see her later tonight. Do the same tomorrow. At the end of the day you've paid for the trip don't waste the opportunity.

Giraffesandbottoms · 23/04/2022 08:24

Does her name begin with an A?

Cheesechips · 23/04/2022 08:25

She sounds like a complete chancer. Probably used to people feeling guilty and bank rolling her.

Original poster
Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 08:25

AnnesBrokenSlate · 23/04/2022 08:20

It's not absolutely impossible to have a weekend away on the tiny budget she has. There are things you can do for free and you can eat cheaply. That might always have been her plan. The problem is that wasn't what you had envisioned so your expectations are clashing. You just need to have an honest chat about it.
I've had similar happen on trips with different friends. The first one, we just did a lot of free stuff. I 'treated' them occasionally if I wanted to but there was no expectation I would. The second time, the friend asked to borrow money. I lent them it and they returned it by the end of the break. They'd just misjudged when they got paid.

Our plan was to always do it cheaply, in that we don’t have expensive tastes so it was never big restaurants or designer goods. But cheap pizza and souvenirs, but even a McDonald’s is 7 euros! So that’s 1/6 of it already gone almost. Then it’s the travel around the city, and we are here almost 5 days so she’s essentially doing it on £12.50 a day UK money for everything

OP posts:
lovingtheheat · 23/04/2022 08:26

Your update crossed with my post. Re the "I'll not eat". Don't even bother getting into that conversation, just go off and do your own thing whilst clearly saying yes payday is coming up and I can only afford to cover myself. You'll have to call a relative or use a credit card as I have no money to give to you / cannot afford to fund your trip too.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2022 08:27

Stop paying for her - don't even buy her a coffee. She won't pay you back!

Just say you only have enough money to cover your own costs so she needs to find another way to cover hers as you have no means of helping her. Repeat ad infinitum.

Moochio · 23/04/2022 08:29

Just saw your update. maybe suggest you do your own things for the remainder of the holiday as you can't afford to pay for her too. The friendship is over.

tiredanddangerous · 23/04/2022 08:31

Does she not have a credit card? Or a family member who can transfer her some money til pay day?

Gaspingandleaping · 23/04/2022 08:33

I think I'd say 'Sarah - honestly what are we going to do here? If you don't have a credit card or someone to transfer you money then what's the solution?

If I pay for you then you'll need to pay me back when we get home'

AngelinaFibres · 23/04/2022 08:33

artisanbread · 23/04/2022 07:44

I would just say to her you don't have enough money to keep subsidising you both so she can either withdraw some more/pay by card or you will both have to go off and do your own things.

This is an excellent idea . Sometimes you just need to make a point so your trip isn't totally destroyed and to make certain it never happens again.

Giraffesandbottoms · 23/04/2022 08:33

suggest you do your own things for the remainder of the holiday as you can't afford to pay for her too. The friendship is over

this

Loopytiles · 23/04/2022 08:36

Would tell her you’re not enjoying it and go off and do your own things.

If you’re not sharing a room no need to even see her until the airport for the flight home! Friendship is over so you might as well have an OK trip alone.

pictish · 23/04/2022 08:38

Yanbu. What a carry on.
I once had something very similar whereby I went on a three day break with a mate who turned up with no money requiring me to subsidise him. I was hardly minted myself so it was a struggle.

Have to say it ruined the friendship for me.

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