To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

I know this is probably a typo but just in case you've heard it wrong somewhere. It's, "chalk it up to experience," not choke.

What a horrid person.

I’m glad she had a miserable time - and I hope you get to go back to Berlin with real friends!

You have to wonder what she'd have done if you'd simply announced that you had money for yourself but absolutely nothing to spare to subsidise her. Or indeed if you'd pulled the same trick and expected her to pay for you.

I think I’d be tempted to shame her actually

but she probably has no shame

Yeah don’t rock up to her place.

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish lol. Yes I know it's chalk. Why does it say choke? Not even sure it was a typo, just my sleep deprived baby brain (poorly 3 month old).

How can one be so shameless??? My God🤦‍♀️

I'd give it a few days and then text:

"Hi Freeloader,
Just checking if you're going to pay the rest over a few weeks or in one instalment."
Thanks."

So would I, on social media where her friends can see it….
Make a post about how you were so looking forward to a lovely trip and it was ruined by freeloading Fiona who expected you to sub her, buy her souvenirs and now won’t pay back what she owes.
I doubt very much you will get your money back, sadly. But you have seen what she is and can do without her in your life

Do you have a rough breakdown of the amounts?

I would in a few days send a breakdown explaining what she owes for otherwise she will try to argue it i'm sure.

Don't do this actually as she could say you're harassing her, which is ludicrous of course. But I wouldn't put it past her. Remember her warning of don't make a scene - I think she's done it before and people have made scenes and it was a warning. She is 100% an experienced con artist.

Just let it go for now. If you want you can wait till next pay day and ask her again. Because there's no evidence of you having given her money, nothing else you can do to get it back. If you have mutual friends please let them know so she can't scam them.

I would send her a long message expressing how disappointed you are and tell her how it is from your point of view. Tell her how you explained it all here, how you were looking forward to a lovely break and how you feel she took advantage of her and put her in an awkward situation, that you would never have gone if you had know that you were expected to pay for everything. Ask her one more time if she wants to do the right thing and give you the the money... then I'd probably go nuclear and tell everyone

I'd take £30 as a result OP and I'm genuinely surprised that you got anything back at all or frankly that you ever had any expectation of repayment.

I'm bloody minded and this would have given me such a bad case of rage that I'd seriously consider issuing proceedings for the balance if she doesn't pay it.

It'd cost £30 or so, but it'd ruin her credit rating for a few years, if it isn't fucked already.

Don't post about it on FB. Rightly or wrongly when people bring their dramas onto social media I feel they are partly to blame and it seems very drama llama. I'd give both of you a wide berth if you did that.

Whereas the story told to me over a few drinks in the pub would be very interesting.....

I'm bloody minded and this would have given me such a bad case of rage that I'd seriously consider issuing proceedings for the balance if she doesn't pay it.

It'd cost £30 or so, but it'd ruin her credit rating for a few years, if it isn't fucked already.

This. I'd do it out of spite tbh even if it cost me more money than I got back.

Yeah, me too. Teach her a lesson

Like others, I've been following this agog at the CFery of your travelling companion. I guess you are 100 euros or thereabouts down after she's returned the 35 euros? Is this a reasonable price for a solid life lesson?

Seems to me that at present you have your dignity and peace of mind intact. I think pursuing her further would risk damaging both - you've messaged her repeatedly, she's ignoring it. I mean, follow up in a week and even again next payday, but threats of issuing proceedings are empty without records of agreements and make you look silly and blustering.

Do you have mutual friends/acquaintances via your old workplace? It might be worth tipping them off, just in case she pulls the number again, and they can be forewarned. Also, they might just look at her a bit funny and she catches them doing it one day, and wonders, uneasily...

I have suffered from a too-trusting nature and lack of boundaries, it's easy to be caught out. You didn't do anything bad, you were just caught out by someone shameless and greedy. Enjoy your next break and a good story one day - it can become part of your 'how I armed myself against cheeky fuckers' tale you tell yourself and others (and done in such a way that isn't self-pitying but lets anyone hearing it know you won't get fooled again!)

Text her “you still owe me £80. Please transfer this today”

nothing else.

and if she doesn’t, text her again tomorrow. Same message.
land then keep dong this till she pays up.

do not write of £80!

This wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last.

She is a grifter and targets unsuspecting people - and you don’t seem to know her.

I expect she does this to loads of people and has shallow and transient relationships. Maybe she is intense, flattering and mirroring at first.

I doubt she has any deep or sustainable friendships - otherwise why did she approach you? I also think it relevant that she did this after you stopped working together. She is wiley enough not to shit on her own doorstep.

Her behaviour is dysfunctional, manipulative and exploitative.

I would take some comfort in the fact that she knows she’s a fraud, that she’s shallow, insecure and lonely. That’s her Karma.

I’ve read all your posts but can’t remember if she explicitly asked to buy her meals, coffee, etc or if she just mentioned being hungry, thirsty, etc.
if it’s the latter, I fear, she might say you bought those as gifts and she didn’t expect you wanted to be paid back, like you did with the 35euros. Just a thought.

Argh @Dancingmoonlight what a nightmare she sounds!

When you say you had ‘agreed’ to pay for her meals etc do you mean she was going to pay you back? Was this explicit in the agreement? It sounds not, that’s why she thinks she can get away with paying you.

I would send her a message laying out that she did agree to pay you back for the food and drink (even if she didn’t), that verbal agreements are binding in England and Wales, and you’d be sad to have to pursue legal action through the small claim courts but you’ll have no choice if she doesn’t return the other £80.

She will then be forced to either pay up because she thinks you’ve got a legal action (FWIW I agree with the previous lawyer who posted that you don’t, but she doesn’t know that) OR she will reply saying ‘I didn’t agree to that, you offered’ because her silence will be taken as agreement that you did have an agreement for her to pay back. If she does that I would personally send it to her mother.

@HikingforScenery & @wiglay69

The friend told OP she would pay her back. On 23/04/2022 at 20:04 OP posted
” oh I can’t expect mum to lend me, maybe for a bill but not a trip away” but seemingly the bank of me is ok! I did say that, and she replied “yes but you’ll get it back so don’t cause a scene!”

Any update, OP?