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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

694 replies

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:39

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

OP posts:
Eggshelly · 26/04/2022 16:21

Dancingmoonlight · 26/04/2022 14:24

Yes, I’ve sent her a WhatsApp with the total amount and my bank details, she’s read it but no response as predicted.

for those asking her why I didn’t make her get cash out at the airport etc. our flight was very delayed, I’d had a nightmare with our prepaid (luckily) transfers not being aware of the new time etc and it was a nightmare. Along with typical Ryanair issues.

I just wanted to get home if I was honest.

She has no shame!

Tabitha005 · 26/04/2022 16:22

OP, you need to do one thing and one thing only: book yourself another lovely trip to Berlin as soon as you can and thoroughly enjoy it! It's one of my favourite European cities. You need to cleanse yourself of those bad memories/vibes on your next trip there!

Lilifer · 26/04/2022 16:29

I'm a lawyer. For those of you suggesting Small Claims court forget it, there is no debt here to claim, no formal loaf agreement or contract etc the "friend" will claim it was a gift not a loan and small claims court has nothing to enforce, nothing to prove agreement or intent to repay

Lilifer · 26/04/2022 16:29

Loan not loaf ffs 😅

ForeverLooking · 26/04/2022 16:32

She won't respond ever and will tell people you were selfish and pushy and ruined the weekend. I can see it all now. You are well rid OP. Fingers crossed for the money but I wouldn't hold my breath!

stiritwithaknife · 26/04/2022 16:56

See this is why I wouldn't lend her the money or pay for her in the first place. Because as awful as it is to endure someone's pouting and pushiness and negative atmosphere, it's far worse and more confrontational to have to chase someone to get your money back.

Far easier, imho, to simply not do something repeatedly than to have to actively and continuously have to do something. Either way there will be animosity so might as well save some of my time and be the richer for it.

D0lphine · 26/04/2022 17:02

Lilifer · 26/04/2022 16:29

I'm a lawyer. For those of you suggesting Small Claims court forget it, there is no debt here to claim, no formal loaf agreement or contract etc the "friend" will claim it was a gift not a loan and small claims court has nothing to enforce, nothing to prove agreement or intent to repay

She can still make the threat when it comes to that point.

Scianel · 26/04/2022 17:28

Poor you OP. I agree with the suggestion to get yourself back to Berlin asap. And thank goodness she didn't get more out of you although any amount is still ridiculous as it's your money not hers.

Lilifer · 26/04/2022 18:59

"She can still make the threat when it comes to that point."

Well indeed, she can make any threat she wants but kind of pointless if it's a hollow threat.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 26/04/2022 19:24

D0lphine · 26/04/2022 17:02

She can still make the threat when it comes to that point.

Show quote history

But really, what's the point?

I'm putting myself into the shoes of someone who would do this. I've turned up on holiday with no money, taken what... £100? from my friend, then continued to hint at other things I want. I get paid whilst still out there but refuse to use my card to get a coffee, arrive home and dont withdraw money to pay my friend back. Then ignore her message.

If I'm that person, and my friend threatens to take me to small claims court for £100 when she has no evidence of any agreement then I'm going to just laugh at her. It isnt going to make me pay her back.

A public request on her facebook wall would do more than that threat.

sonjadog · 26/04/2022 19:30

I wouldn't bother chasing her. The time to do that was last night at the airport, but for some odd reason you chose not to. Write it off. She will tell everyone how you were mean and ruined the weekend btw. Your friendship is over.

ScrumpyBetty · 26/04/2022 20:28

I hope ever your money back OP.

If it was me, and I would never in a million years expect a friend to subside me on holiday- but if it was me I would be paying my friend back the MOMENT I got paid and buying wine and chocolates too as a thank you and as I would be so mortified.
Please do update us Wink

whynotwhatknot · 26/04/2022 21:21

Its amazing what cf people are i wouldnt even dream of doig this-my dsis on the other hand would then say everyoe was being unfair not to lend her money

D0lphine · 26/04/2022 21:40

Lilifer · 26/04/2022 18:59

"She can still make the threat when it comes to that point."

Well indeed, she can make any threat she wants but kind of pointless if it's a hollow threat.

But the CF won't know it's baseless. She might think she actually can take her to court. You're not going to actually do it but she doesn't know that.

doggiescats · 26/04/2022 21:40

OP you sound so lovely…please don’t let this weekend destroy your faith in human nature. Hope you get your money back ,if not you are the better person and put this down to experience! 💐

britneyisfree · 26/04/2022 21:53

Sadly I think YABU to expect your money back.
The only way would've been at the airport. If she blocks you now that's it.

stiritwithaknife · 26/04/2022 22:16

britneyisfree · 26/04/2022 21:53

Sadly I think YABU to expect your money back.
The only way would've been at the airport. If she blocks you now that's it.

OP could show up to her previous workplace, say hi to the old gang, and then in front of them remind her erstwhile friend what she owes...

Lilifer · 26/04/2022 22:19

"But the CF won't know it's baseless. She might think she actually can take her to court. You're not going to actually do it but she doesn't know that."

In my experience people who do this sort of thing are usually well aware of the limitations of any legal remedies for their victims. The CF will know that monies loaned between "friends" cannot be chased up by the courts without any formal proof of contract/loan agreement.

TheBigPeach · 27/04/2022 00:00

Can’t imagine she actually enjoyed that holiday while sponging off of you. I mean how could she have?!

Ahurricaneofjacarandas · 27/04/2022 01:10

I'm still dying to know OP (and I don't think you clarified?) are you man? Could this in any way have been perceived as a semi romantic trip away? It doesn't really change anything and she's still a CF but I'm just nosey and maybe a bit of a CF myself 😂

Archillesheel · 27/04/2022 06:28

TheBigPeach · 27/04/2022 00:00

Can’t imagine she actually enjoyed that holiday while sponging off of you. I mean how could she have?!

Me too. How can someone enjoy a holiday when they don't have money and the freedom to eat and buy what they want? I would rather not go but then would that still warrant another thread tilted " AIBU to be pissed off at friend for letting me down last minute on a holiday she suggested because she couldn't save up enough holiday money?".

Biker47 · 27/04/2022 10:48

My guess is the CF was expecting to live on the OP's money in largess form over the holiday and if the OP hadn't noticed straight on they were being played; the CF might have had a very fun and expensive holiday on someone else's dime, but luckily the OP spotted it from the off and was able to reign in CF's expectations pretty sharpish, so she probably didn't have the exciting, fun and profitable holiday she was expecting.

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 27/04/2022 11:07

Cattihorocks · 26/04/2022 15:56

She Isent a nice person..

😂That's the understatement of the year.

stiritwithaknife · 27/04/2022 16:05

Ahurricaneofjacarandas · 27/04/2022 01:10

I'm still dying to know OP (and I don't think you clarified?) are you man? Could this in any way have been perceived as a semi romantic trip away? It doesn't really change anything and she's still a CF but I'm just nosey and maybe a bit of a CF myself 😂

I cannot imagine a man calling himself "Dancingmoonlight" let alone allowing others to call him that. 😄

SmokyLittleBeefBath · 27/04/2022 16:43

Did you get your money OP?