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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how I don’t be bitter this weekend?

694 replies

Dancingmoonlight · 23/04/2022 07:39

I’ve recently become friends with a girl I used to work with, we only worked together for six months and were friendly then, but have been spending some time together recently. Going for the odd cocktail etc. she’s always been nice enough.

She asked if I’d be interested in going to Berlin with her for the weekend, and I said yes. So here we are now and my issue is, my friend turned up with no money hardly. She turned up at the airport with 60 euros and only 7 pound for a four day trip. We have no food included in our room.

I wouldn’t have minded but she’s recently been on a 3 day night out, meals out, cinema and whatever else. Now we are in Berlin and she can’t afford anything and I’m having to subsidise us. Even at the airport with a 4 hour wait, she couldn’t even afford a coffee so I have had to cover it.

Now we are in Berlin, and she’s also so angry. If I go into a shop to look at anything or, if we go to a bar, it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable as she can’t afford anything and then it puts me on the spot. She’s also being very sweary and angry! This trip was her idea and she’s been abroad to European cities before so she knows they’re pricey.

Weve got two more nights and I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so awkward. I brought enough money (280 euros) but it’s now draining so fast.

OP posts:
DCD84 · 26/04/2022 08:53

She sounds like a low level Anna Delvey (Sorokin). I am sorry that this happened to you OP.

I think the chances that she will pay you back are slim, but stick to being direct and telling her what she owes you in any future communication (and ignore any kind of sob story.)

I would definitely not see her socially again if she doesn't pay you back.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 26/04/2022 08:59

You've already said the friendship is dead. Airports have cash machines. When you arrived here, why didn't you walk over to a cash machine and tell her that she owed to £X and could you get it now?

Honestly. Grow a spine.

Its different if it is a genuine friend and you want to he tactful because you know they're not usually like that. But this is just a selfish, entitled woman who you dont want to be friends with.

sonjadog · 26/04/2022 09:01

I think you will look back at this and think what an utter mug you were for letting her walk all over you. You should have kicked off majorly when she had access to a cash point yesterday. You won't see that money again now.

babyjellyfish · 26/04/2022 09:03

Dancingmoonlight · 26/04/2022 08:28

Firstly, I was put in a situation I least expected. A situation non of my friends (bar this woman) have ever put me in before even family. I won’t let it happen again but it’s the bloody first time so some slack please!

As I’ve said before, i try to be a reasonably decent person and I’ll never begrudge buying someone a coffee or a tea, or even a sandwich if they were short on cash.

the bitterness has come from the fact that she came to the airport and to the holiday with no means of funding anything under the guise that I would just cover it.

Show quote history

This is bizarre.

What would the two of you have done if you had had the same idea, come away with no money and expected her to pay for everything?

Answer: she would have had to ask her mum for a loan, incur bank charges, do whatever was necessary to get hold of some money.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/04/2022 09:05

Contact her now @Dancingmoonlight and request the money back. Tell her you are aware that she got paid and there are no additional charges now that you're back in the UK so she is to do a bank transfer by 3pm today or Revolut you the money and then I'd recommend you block her!

Bobbins36 · 26/04/2022 09:07

Didn’t want to use her card because of charges?? Absolute piss take. I’d give it a couple of days then send a message publicly on social media asking for your cash back. Cheeky cheeky F*cker.
I’m sorry to say it sounds like she was totally planning to screw you for this trip from the off. Unbelievable. Count yourself lucky to be out of that “friendship”.
you sound like a decent person OP and that was a very difficult situation to be put in xx

Cattihorocks · 26/04/2022 09:20

This is outrageous ditch her go off and do your own thing !

phizog · 26/04/2022 09:21

Well done on standing your ground and not buying her coffee! You can take some small pleasure in knowing you managed to piss her off.

Hope you managed to enjoy some of Berlin anyway and can now relax back home away from that grabby cow. I would send her a chaser message every few days until she pays you back. Even if she doesn't it will annoy her to be pestered and that's a win. Otherwise just ignore her completely and cut her out of your life.

Honeyroar · 26/04/2022 09:27

She’s not going to give you the money back, you know that, but 35 euros is probably worth it to learn that she’s not worth it as a friend. I’d tell any mutual friends in case they ever get coerced into a funding situation with her. I’m sorry that your holiday was a let down. I hope you had a few good times while there.

Honeyroar · 26/04/2022 09:27

She’s not going to give you the money back, you know that, but 35 euros is probably worth it to learn that she’s not worth it as a friend. I’d tell any mutual friends in case they ever get coerced into a funding situation with her. I’m sorry that your holiday was a let down. I hope you had a few good times while there.

D0lphine · 26/04/2022 09:37

The amount of money is relatively small - not the end of the world!

I think the only way you'll get it back is if you publicly shame her. Like a PP said put it on SM or let it be known to mutual friends.

Honestly though, it's a write off. Have nothing more to do with her.

D0lphine · 26/04/2022 09:37

The amount of money is relatively small - not the end of the world!

I think the only way you'll get it back is if you publicly shame her. Like a PP said put it on SM or let it be known to mutual friends.

Honestly though, it's a write off. Have nothing more to do with her.

D0lphine · 26/04/2022 09:37

The amount of money is relatively small - not the end of the world!

I think the only way you'll get it back is if you publicly shame her. Like a PP said put it on SM or let it be known to mutual friends.

Honestly though, it's a write off. Have nothing more to do with her.

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 26/04/2022 10:01

Jesus, the amount of fucking duplicate posts since the new platform, it's bloody crap and Mumsnet should have sorted these glitches by now.

Sorry for the derail Op. Will be interesting to see how she reacts to requests for her to repay you. Hope you presented her with an itemised list of what you lent and paid for.

doadeer · 26/04/2022 10:24

Honeyroar · 26/04/2022 09:27

She’s not going to give you the money back, you know that, but 35 euros is probably worth it to learn that she’s not worth it as a friend. I’d tell any mutual friends in case they ever get coerced into a funding situation with her. I’m sorry that your holiday was a let down. I hope you had a few good times while there.

I think it is more than €35, she paid for meals for her before this.

It's hilarious she wouldn't use her card to buy herself food and coffee in the airport, but I bet she would have had no trouble using yours

doadeer · 26/04/2022 10:24

Honeyroar · 26/04/2022 09:27

She’s not going to give you the money back, you know that, but 35 euros is probably worth it to learn that she’s not worth it as a friend. I’d tell any mutual friends in case they ever get coerced into a funding situation with her. I’m sorry that your holiday was a let down. I hope you had a few good times while there.

I think it is more than €35, she paid for meals for her before this.

It's hilarious she wouldn't use her card to buy herself food and coffee in the airport, but I bet she would have had no trouble using yours

Trudij123 · 26/04/2022 10:47

You work together don’t you? I’d be very pointed asking her for it at work - preferably in earshot of others. She told you she’d give it back Tuesday if I remember rightly, so she should be handing it over today….

of course to make it easier for her you could give her an itemized list of things and when ( day 1 - dinner, day 2 dinner and coffee kind of thing) and leave it on her desk - “I’ve worked out what you owe me from the weekend and left it on your desk” kind of thing.,, ( again, in earshot of others - I bet you find you’re not the first….)

Trudij123 · 26/04/2022 10:47

You work together don’t you? I’d be very pointed asking her for it at work - preferably in earshot of others. She told you she’d give it back Tuesday if I remember rightly, so she should be handing it over today….

of course to make it easier for her you could give her an itemized list of things and when ( day 1 - dinner, day 2 dinner and coffee kind of thing) and leave it on her desk - “I’ve worked out what you owe me from the weekend and left it on your desk” kind of thing.,, ( again, in earshot of others - I bet you find you’re not the first….)

Trudij123 · 26/04/2022 10:49

I bet you’re not the first person at work she’s done this to - maybe a few well planned “ I’ve left a list of what you owe me on your desk, I’ve emailed it as well in case that disappears - you said I’d have it back today and I need it asap please” in earshot of her colleagues will help…

Trudij123 · 26/04/2022 10:49

I bet you’re not the first person at work she’s done this to - maybe a few well planned “ I’ve left a list of what you owe me on your desk, I’ve emailed it as well in case that disappears - you said I’d have it back today and I need it asap please” in earshot of her colleagues will help…

Badger1970 · 26/04/2022 11:49

The money has long gone, and OP has learned a pretty hard lesson.

No point in making her feel even shittier about it - we all would behave differently if we had the gift of hindsight Hmm

Hana89 · 26/04/2022 11:57

Dear @Dancingmoonlight just a note to say that from the sound of things you behaved with grace and kindness during an exceptionally difficult few days toward someone who was doing the opposite, with the added complications of sharing a professional relationship with this person. Don't listen to the people here who are calling you a mug. You could not have predicted this and we are all socially conditioned to be generous and helpful to others so of course you wanted to help her, despite your very justified frustration! For what it is worth, I doubt she planned some master manipulation. She sounds like she is quite chaotic, and definitely has some boundary issues, and perhaps she is someone for whom things usually seem to just 'work out', so she probably was a bit taken aback that you didn't see the situation the same way she did. Her refusal to use her card at the airport just proves that she really didn't understand that the way she relied on you for financial aid was unacceptable and as sad as it is to say it, she will probably go through life feeling that same entitlement and subsequent frustration when others don't want to support her in the way she feels she should be supported.
Berlin is a wonderful city and I really hope you get to go back soon, either by yourself or with a different friend, and have a really brilliant time! xx

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 26/04/2022 11:59

Badger1970 · 26/04/2022 11:49

The money has long gone, and OP has learned a pretty hard lesson.

No point in making her feel even shittier about it - we all would behave differently if we had the gift of hindsight Hmm

Yes I totally agree. The sheer number of posters who couldn't wait to to tell Op what a fool she is and telling her to find her backbone is depressing, and boring since they all just parrot each other. Talk about hitting someone when they are (already) down.

LuckySantangelo35 · 26/04/2022 12:29

What a cheeky fucker she is. She ought to be ashamed of herself. Cringey and embarrassing behaviour not to mention so disrespectful towards you.
pester her for the money and use it to treat yourself- what have you got to lose at this point?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/04/2022 12:33

She has no shame and no conscience
I'd message her bluntly with your bank details mention now you're back there will be no charges( play dumb) it's a lot of money to write off, so do try She's one CF!