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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents never take DC out

226 replies

Cherrybizarre · 22/04/2022 21:17

Basically my DM has never taken my children anywhere (they’re 6 and 7). Never a day out, to the park, soft play, anything. For context she is in her mid 50s, doesn’t work (doesn’t need to), drives and owns a car.
She will have them for regular sleep overs (1 or 2 a month) but I drop them and collect them, and she doesn’t really do anything when they’re there. They just watch tv etc before going to bed. When they wake they don’t really do anything either then I come and get them. They do like it there though.

I don’t expect them to be taken out by anyone other than me, but AIBU to find it unusual for a grandparent to never do so? She makes no secret that she regards herself a wonderful grandmother so I just find it a little odd.

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 22/04/2022 21:18

I think she's doing a good bit tbh

Lem0nDrizzle · 22/04/2022 21:19

I'd be over the moon with 1/2 sleepovers a month tbh 🤣

Unsureaboutit9 · 22/04/2022 21:21

She makes no secret that she regards herself a wonderful grandmother so I just find it a little odd.

Why? You don’t have to take kids out of the house to be good at caring for them. She looks after them for you and they enjoy being there. Not everything is about money or experiences. YABU

Pyri · 22/04/2022 21:21

I’d far rather they had sleepovers than more trips to the park etc, much more valuable free time for you!

luxxlisbon · 22/04/2022 21:21

Maybe she finds it too much to take two kids out on her own.
I honestly think parenting is a younger persons game. Your mother has your children overnight twice a month and that isn’t enough for you? She needs to take them to soft play and the farm too?
Why don’t you just take them to soft play after you pick them up?

Its really not odd at all imo.

Janedoe82 · 22/04/2022 21:22

I think it is weird. Both my parents and husbands have taken my children all kinds of places.

Unsureaboutit9 · 22/04/2022 21:24

Janedoe82 · 22/04/2022 21:22

I think it is weird. Both my parents and husbands have taken my children all kinds of places.

You say parents though, plural, do they take them out all the time in pairs? It’s much easier if so.

Billandben444 · 22/04/2022 21:24

I'm surprised she doesn't want to, tbh. Does she find it easier to care for them at home and perhaps isn't confident about taking them out on her own? I've got wonderful memories of taking mine out at that age. Have you talked to her about it?

WalkWithDignityAndPride · 22/04/2022 21:25

I used to stay with my grandmother when I was that age. She was substantially older and didn't do much with me, but I still enjoyed the time with her.

Original poster
Cherrybizarre · 22/04/2022 21:25

I’d far rather they had sleepovers than more trips to the park etc, much more valuable free time for you!

There’s no free time for me. It’s about a 45 minute round trip for me to take them there then get home again. I give them dinner first and collect them before lunch so it’s actually more a hindrance to me than anything. I only do it as they enjoy going.

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 22/04/2022 21:33

But you say they sleepover so you get an evening to yourself and the following morning?

Unsureaboutit9 · 22/04/2022 21:34

Why is there no free time? Don’t you have the afternoon/evening and next morning? You could always ask her to keep them longer if that’s what you are wanting.

HikingforScenery · 22/04/2022 21:36

How can there not be free time for you if they’re staying overnight and you pick them up before lunch? It’s not even an hour’s travel time each way ?

Pegasussnail · 22/04/2022 21:37

You're being ungrateful.

Janedoe82 · 22/04/2022 21:37

My mum and mother in law both take my children on their own and have from they were babies. My mother manages better than my mother in law. I think she actually finds them easier if they go out. She is always finding activities for them to do- fun days/ national trust/ beach/ shopping. And she is 66.
Most of my peers parents are similar to be honest.
We are however in Ireland where the ‘Irish mammy’ is expected to be the boss and a great organised lol

AmbushedByCake · 22/04/2022 21:37

MIL has never had my children on her own. Fine, I dont expect other people to look after my children. But she also won't make any effort to spend time with them. She has already told me she won't come up for lunch on DDs birthday in July because she pet sits for BIL in the week. She did everything for her (slightly) older GC and won't even come eat a fucking slice of cake with my kids. Some grandparents just want to seem interested when they aren't really. Can't do anything about it.

Giraffesandbottoms · 22/04/2022 21:38

Mixed feelings on this. MIL always takes our two out, so when she’s had them it feels like a much more healthy and productive day. My mother always does TV, stupidly sugary snacks etc and plays at hers. My mother is 10 years older though and DC love both grandmothers equally. I do think I would like it if my mother took them out sometimes but equally I’m just pleased she has them and they are having fun, and if she isn’t comfortable taking them I would rather she not. Plus I take them out anyway so it doesn’t kill them for a couple of hours a week (and MIL sees them less often so that’s probably why too).

it sounds like you have a nice arrangement. I didn’t have grandparents so I don’t know what it is to be a grandchild but if your children are happy it sounds good to me!

Rinatinabina · 22/04/2022 21:39

I would be grateful for the help and not pick holes in it tbh. I assume you take them out and about. If they like it there then she’s doing something right isn’t she?

Carbiesdreamhouse · 22/04/2022 21:40

My DC have never been taken out by any of their grandparents, they've not even been to their houses on their own. The grandparents live under an hour away, they just aren't interested as they have other GC.

BettyOBarley · 22/04/2022 21:42

YANBU.
My parents live ten mins away and do nothing either - DC have never had a sleepover and ONE trip out in their whole lives - they are 8 & 5!!
They will occasionally look after them in the house for a couple of hours if we ask them to (we rarely do), but no interest in taking them anywhere or enjoying time on their own with them. It's sad really, I don't want childcare, I just feel like my DC are missing out and wonder why they aren't interested like other GPs are.

DaftyLass · 22/04/2022 21:43

Do you invite her over to yours instead?
Maybe she is happy just being with them, and it sounds like they are enjoying it too?

VivienneDelacroix · 22/04/2022 21:43

My children's grandmother has visited them less than ten times in 13 years. She has never spent more than 2 hours in their company in one go, has never invited them anywhere, never looked after them, doesn't feed them when we visit, and barely knows them. This is on my husband's side and it is horrible to feel your children are the z-list grandchildren.
Sounds like your mother is a fantastic grandmother. Our children have never had a sleepover with either set of grandparents, I'd love a night or two off a month. 45 minutes is not a long round-trip.

TheCanyon · 22/04/2022 21:44

When my two oldest were little fil used to take them out to the park and then the pub...

PiranhaTank · 22/04/2022 21:45

My children also never taken anywhere ever by their grandparents and never had a sleepover ever- I have three, all older now. My husband and I had 1 weekend away together in 27 years. You are extremely lucky and ungrateful to boot.

Rinatinabina · 22/04/2022 21:45

If the kids are going after dinner on a 45 minute journey so presumably bed soon after arriving and are picked up before lunch then they probably are just having breakfast and a few hours in the morning with your mum. Possibly they all just want to chill, have a chat and potter about.