Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents never take DC out

226 replies

Cherrybizarre · 22/04/2022 21:17

Basically my DM has never taken my children anywhere (they’re 6 and 7). Never a day out, to the park, soft play, anything. For context she is in her mid 50s, doesn’t work (doesn’t need to), drives and owns a car.
She will have them for regular sleep overs (1 or 2 a month) but I drop them and collect them, and she doesn’t really do anything when they’re there. They just watch tv etc before going to bed. When they wake they don’t really do anything either then I come and get them. They do like it there though.

I don’t expect them to be taken out by anyone other than me, but AIBU to find it unusual for a grandparent to never do so? She makes no secret that she regards herself a wonderful grandmother so I just find it a little odd.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/04/2022 22:17

There’s no free time for me. It’s about a 45 minute round trip for me to take them there then get home again. I give them dinner first and collect them before lunch so it’s actually more a hindrance to me than anything. I only do it as they enjoy going

Wow. You really don't know your luck.

You could go out for a meal or drinks with friends, sleep undisturbed until 9am and have a relaxed late breakfast a few times a month, for free, and knowing your DC are happy with their grandmother. I would LOVE that.

ResentfulLemon · 22/04/2022 22:19

YABU my grandparents never took us anywhere but were a constant and loving presence in our lives. "Going to granny's" was enough for us as an activity.

I have nothing but fond memories of them from childhood.

Doing stuff isn't the mark of a great loving and nurturing relationship. You've only got to wander over to the Stately Homes threads to see that.

Gagaandgag · 22/04/2022 22:19

My DH dad sees them for a couple of hours every 6 months or so at our house and seeing them running around the garden together and we feel grateful!

DH mum sees them around once a year maybe and will chat to them occasionally on the phone.

Neither of DH parents have ever offered to help out in any way even though they know we struggle. But it doesn’t bother us.

My parents are more involved and will have them once a week in the daytime and will take them out somewhere.They started doing this because our school aged child has SEN and challenging behaviour - they don’t go to school and so this is our only respite.
Every time they take them as I wave them
off I feel slightly emotional because I just feel so very grateful- even if just for the few hours.
They don’t have to and if they stopped I would not feel bitter in any way.

They have never stayed anywhere overnight and I wouldn’t expect it to happen for a very long time.

Its easy to compare to what others receive but just try to be happy with current arrangements or maybe you just need to have a heart to heart with her?
What are her thoughts on it?

were your own grandparents involved?
Can you take the children out on a day-trip together?
If you don’t like the 45min journey can you meet half way?
Can they go earlier with a packed lunch?
Surely just having a peaceful evening and night is an amazing break?
Try and enjoy!

Deedee121 · 22/04/2022 22:20

1-2 sleepovers a month. Wow - that is a serious amount of free time!

AnonPerson · 22/04/2022 22:23

I'd fucking love it if my MIL or DM had my daughter 2 nights a month! Count yourself lucky!

Vikinga · 22/04/2022 22:23

Stop being such a martyr 🙄. The kids enjoy it so what is your problem?

If it's more of a hindrance than helpful to you then don't do it.

luxxlisbon · 22/04/2022 22:26

There’s no free time for me. It’s about a 45 minute round trip for me to take them there then get home again. I give them dinner first and collect them before lunch so it’s actually more a hindrance to me than anything. I only do it as they enjoy going.

Oh come on. You drive 20 mins each way to drop your kids off after dinner and collect them before lunch the next day, sometimes every other week but you don’t get any free time?
Is your issue they your mum doesn’t take them out actually that you think she should take them on days trips in addition to the overnights?

Nidan2Sandan · 22/04/2022 22:26

Cherrybizarre · 22/04/2022 21:25

I’d far rather they had sleepovers than more trips to the park etc, much more valuable free time for you!

There’s no free time for me. It’s about a 45 minute round trip for me to take them there then get home again. I give them dinner first and collect them before lunch so it’s actually more a hindrance to me than anything. I only do it as they enjoy going.

You sound ungrateful.

My kids grandparents have never taken them out anywhere and in 13 years there has been 2 sleepovers, but only my eldest child she wont take the younger two (9&10yo).

Bloody hell, I'd kill for 2 evenings a month with no kids!!!

Thiskidcanbounce · 22/04/2022 22:28

My kids haven’t have a sleepover at either of their grandparents houses for almost 3 years and I think I can count on one hand the number of time’s they’ve stayed there altogether & they are now 7 & 11.

However, they did provide childcare for both of them 1 day a week before they started school & still do occasionally during school holidays so I suppose I can’t really complain, although I would just LOVE for them to offer to have them overnight or even just for the day just because they want to. I get what @BettyOBarley says - it feels sad really that they just don’t seem to want to & I see my friend’s kids with their grandparents & feel like mine are missing out somehow.

My mum used to take my kids out to lots of places when they were little but DH’s parents rarely did, they are home birds & always stayed at home with them. Kids always enjoyed it there though. I think the trouble now is that they are all getting older & find my two too energetic to deal with on days out.

Pineappleapplepen · 22/04/2022 22:30

You are extremely lucky in my opinion. My mum would have one, wont have two occasionally to stay, never both. We havent had a child free night for over a year. Can't imagine what it would be have one every month. They will have lovely memories they don't need to go out anywhere.

Rattysparklebum · 22/04/2022 22:32

I’m a grandparent and one of my greatest pleasures is walking along with my DGD, her little hand in mine. We walk to the shop or park or just to look at flowers or trees, my DIL always thanks me and says how much I help them, if only they knew it’s for my benefit not theirs 😂

AHungryCaterpillar · 22/04/2022 22:38

Is this real or a reverse? I mean seriously? I’m a single parent to 4 and my mum never has my children, not over night, not for a few hours, and no she also doesn’t take them anywhere! I would love 2 nights a month to myself even if I meant I had to drop the kids there which surely you should be doing anyway since she is doing you a favour 🤨

Furrbabymama87 · 22/04/2022 22:39

I'd need a letter from God before my parents would take my kids out for the day.

confusedlots · 22/04/2022 22:40

Are you being serious? They take them for a sleepover once or twice or month? Mine have never had my children for a sleepover ever. Well, they stayed with my eldest in my own home the night I went into hospital to have my second child if that counts???

Not that I'm jealous at all!

Andante57 · 22/04/2022 22:41

I think that since the children enjoy going then it doesn’t matter that they don’t go anywhere.
I’m sure they’ll grow up with very fond memories of their time spent with their grandparents.

lameasahorse · 22/04/2022 22:43

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Aimzxo · 22/04/2022 22:43

I think this is dependant on each family on what is the norm. To me this is abit odd but purely because my mum takes my daughter out alone once a week, my dad takes her out once a week, they have her to sleep over every Thursday and sometimes another night if we want to go out, yes I know I'm very very lucky and I am eternally grateful but none of this is expected, but this is normal for us xx

ThankYouStavros · 22/04/2022 22:51

Sincerely my eldest is almost 10. No days out, no sleepovers, nothing. I’m running on empty, be grateful for the sleepovers!

Puppalicious · 22/04/2022 22:57

Here to join the chorus of - 2 sleepovers a month?! You really have no idea how lucky you are, you’re incredibly ungrateful. Your poor mum.

Cheesewiz · 22/04/2022 23:00

My children are 8 and 9, NEVER stayed over at anyone's House, NEVER been taken out by family or friends and I can't remember the last time me and my husband went out on a date. Only time I had a child free night was when I was in hospital having hip operation! Your very lucky and you don't even appreciate it

ShoveItUpYerArse · 22/04/2022 23:02

Your DC like going and chilling out so what's the problem?

LilacPoppy · 22/04/2022 23:03

Very odd, many people have children only 4/5 years older than your eldest at her age.

doggiescats · 22/04/2022 23:04

I have my granddaughter for sleep over every Friday… I actually prefer taking her out….so much easier than entertaining her at home!! Your parents are doing a great job …be thankful.

LimeSegment · 22/04/2022 23:06

This has to be a reverse. As surely no one would genuinely complain that their parents provide overnight childcare 12-24 times a year, but the entertainment isn't good enough and it's 20 mins drive away.

Neither my parents or PILs baby sit at all ever, no sleepovers, no nothing. If it's an emergency I get online and search "babysitting local area name" and hope I can find someone.

OutlookStalking · 22/04/2022 23:06

Is it a reverse?