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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents never take DC out

226 replies

Cherrybizarre · 22/04/2022 21:17

Basically my DM has never taken my children anywhere (they’re 6 and 7). Never a day out, to the park, soft play, anything. For context she is in her mid 50s, doesn’t work (doesn’t need to), drives and owns a car.
She will have them for regular sleep overs (1 or 2 a month) but I drop them and collect them, and she doesn’t really do anything when they’re there. They just watch tv etc before going to bed. When they wake they don’t really do anything either then I come and get them. They do like it there though.

I don’t expect them to be taken out by anyone other than me, but AIBU to find it unusual for a grandparent to never do so? She makes no secret that she regards herself a wonderful grandmother so I just find it a little odd.

OP posts:
LetitiaLeghorn · 22/04/2022 21:46

Grandparents have such a tough time on MN. Somewhere there'll be a thread complaining that a MIL insists on taking the children out and the mother is complaining she's being usurped from her position of Chief Fun Officer.
If the kids are happy, why can't you just be happy with that? Why fret over wanting more?

Sunnytwobridges · 22/04/2022 21:48

Say what?? Why is it an expectation that your DM has to take your kids out??? I never had that expectation of my DM. And I hope my DD if she has kids doesn't have that expectation of me as I don't like entertaining kids.

And sleepover where they just do what they want is enough, to me that's enough and gives you a break from them a night or two a month. A couple of nights a month doing nothing isn't going to hurt them, and I wouldn't care about that as long as they are safe.

AchillesPoirot · 22/04/2022 21:51

My grandpa used to take us out and we waited outside the bookies for him and went to the pub for a can of coke and crisps on the way home.

He also taught us to play cards for matchsticks and how to polish shoes.

I don't think he ever took us out anywhere. But I still miss him every day. And it's over 30 years since he died.

kitcat15 · 22/04/2022 21:51

TheCanyon · 22/04/2022 21:44

When my two oldest were little fil used to take them out to the park and then the pub...

My partner does this on a Saturday morning 🤣..... takes GD6 to gymnastics....then picks her up....they go round the charity shops ....to the park....then over to wetherspoons ! ... drops her off when her mum finishes work at 2

ReadyToMoveIt · 22/04/2022 21:51

My mum doesn’t take my children out either. She has them at her house (not overnight, for a couple of hours in the day), they love going, she loves having them, they have a great time together. Never occurred to me to be bothered that she doesn’t take them on excursions.

Cakeandcardio · 22/04/2022 21:52

You are very lucky to have a mum who will take your kids for an overnight. I would love to have a night to myself and a lie in until 10am even.

TrippinEdBalls · 22/04/2022 21:52

Cherrybizarre · 22/04/2022 21:25

I’d far rather they had sleepovers than more trips to the park etc, much more valuable free time for you!

There’s no free time for me. It’s about a 45 minute round trip for me to take them there then get home again. I give them dinner first and collect them before lunch so it’s actually more a hindrance to me than anything. I only do it as they enjoy going.

This is bizarrely, perversely ungrateful.

Clymene · 22/04/2022 21:53

Wow. Your mum must be so proud. What an ungrateful moo you are

Giraffesandbottoms · 22/04/2022 21:53

There’s no free time for me. It’s about a 45 minute round trip for me to take them there then get home again

your mindset is the problem. 2 45 min car journeys without children IS a break. You can listen to whatever music you like at whatever volume. Or a podcast. Or SILENCE. Then you sleep knowing you won’t get woken up
and can go and get your own breakfast etc.

OutlookStalking · 22/04/2022 21:55

Yabvu.

I am in awe yours have regular sleepovers! Id kill for a night waking up in my house with my kids happy elsewhere, and you get it every month!

I dont see why you'd want your mum to take them out without you. Have you tried inviting her on days out with you?

GlitteryGreen · 22/04/2022 21:55

@Cherrybizarre Tbh I wouldn't bother driving 45 mins there and back just for that short time, I'd at least expect them to go for dinner or stay for lunch.

Seems silly to drive all that way just for them to essentially go to bed 🤷‍♀️

Pyri · 22/04/2022 21:58

GlitteryGreen · 22/04/2022 21:55

@Cherrybizarre Tbh I wouldn't bother driving 45 mins there and back just for that short time, I'd at least expect them to go for dinner or stay for lunch.

Seems silly to drive all that way just for them to essentially go to bed 🤷‍♀️

I would give a kidney up for someone to have my children after dinner until lunchtime the next day. 45 min drive is nothing. Just imagine, the peaceful guarantee of a full night’s sleep and lying in the next morning until whenever you want! Bliss!

OP is being dramatic and ungrateful!

DaffodilsandCoffee · 22/04/2022 22:00

Pyri · 22/04/2022 21:58

I would give a kidney up for someone to have my children after dinner until lunchtime the next day. 45 min drive is nothing. Just imagine, the peaceful guarantee of a full night’s sleep and lying in the next morning until whenever you want! Bliss!

OP is being dramatic and ungrateful!

Show quote history

God, this thread. If you had no nearby family you’d understand that an evening, night and morning off once a fortnight is a big deal. I’d love that even a few times a year.

ReadyToMoveIt · 22/04/2022 22:01

GlitteryGreen · 22/04/2022 21:55

@Cherrybizarre Tbh I wouldn't bother driving 45 mins there and back just for that short time, I'd at least expect them to go for dinner or stay for lunch.

Seems silly to drive all that way just for them to essentially go to bed 🤷‍♀️

It’s a 45 min round trip, not each way. Hardly spending all day on the road!
I haven’t had a child free night/morning for 8 years so maybe my view is skewed 🤷🏻‍♀️

PiranhaTank · 22/04/2022 22:01

Surely a 45 minute round trip is basically 22.5 minutes each way?

Lem0nDrizzle · 22/04/2022 22:03

45 mins is nothing.
Same distance to my mums.

SunshineAndFizz · 22/04/2022 22:03

I'd be mega grateful for the support, even if they're not 'doing anything'. My DM wouldn't feel comfortable taking two grandkids somewhere on her own at her current age, she's openly said it's too much to keep an eye on both (she had 4 kids of her own and was very happy taking us all out by herself, when she was younger).

Theforest · 22/04/2022 22:05

PIL have never had kids for any period of time.
My mum looks after them when I ask her to but I don't take the piss. Twice a year maybe

You are being very unreasonable. Kids don't need days out. They value time with loved ones.

Moochio · 22/04/2022 22:05

You're being a bit rude tbh. I hope you don't let on to her that you are so ungrateful.

saraclara · 22/04/2022 22:07

It doesn't occur to me to take my DGD(2.5) on an outing when I have her for the day. She loves being at my house and playing with the toys and books she has here, and in my garden. I've taken her to the local playground, but she doesn't enjoy it as much as she enjoys my garden!

MN really freaks me out sometimes. If I wanted to take her on an outing, I'd do it at a weekend and invite her mum too, so she doesn't miss out!
Clearly I can't do right for doing wrong. I'm going to have to check with my DD now, in case she feels like the OP.

speckledrose · 22/04/2022 22:10

My parents have never taken my DC out anywhere or had them for a sleepover so she’s doing far more than them. Would love a child free night - it hasn’t happened and mine are a little older than yours.

ButtockUp · 22/04/2022 22:10

Surely the whole point of going to granny is to just be. Your children don't need entertainment and you get an evening/night/morning free!

If it pisses you off so much that you need to vent on MN then don't do it anymore.

If I had grandchildren over I'd just let them be and interact with them. They don't need jollies all the time.

Moochio · 22/04/2022 22:11

ButtockUp · 22/04/2022 22:10

Surely the whole point of going to granny is to just be. Your children don't need entertainment and you get an evening/night/morning free!

If it pisses you off so much that you need to vent on MN then don't do it anymore.

If I had grandchildren over I'd just let them be and interact with them. They don't need jollies all the time.

Exactly this.

NewBlueGoo · 22/04/2022 22:12

Bloody hell, some people’s complaints and expectations. 1-2 sleepovers a month??

My 5yo has one grandparent left, who lives 3000 miles away. We’ve managed 3 visits in 5 years.

Reallyreallyborednow · 22/04/2022 22:12

Maybe she finds it too much to take two kids out on her own.
I honestly think parenting is a younger persons game

she’s mid 50’s, not 80!

unless she has health issues, she should be perfectly capable.

having said that, it’s up to her what she does with children she’s looking after.

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