To say parenting is boring?

[BoredYummyMummy]

I’m bored of; the shitty nappies, the crying, the whining, the coaxing to do absolutely everything, the cheery ‘well done’s’ as they do the same fucking thing agaiiiin, the infinite laundry, the tantrums, the streams of snot and oh my god I’m bored of fucking BING

Any sane human has to find the repetition bone achingly boring?

I think that used to be the case but it isn't any more. There are tons of blogs, Instagram influencers, etc who discuss the reality of parenting nowadays and that it isn't always great. No one on Mumsnet says you must love every minute of parenting, no one I know in real life believes that either.

@Comedycook

No one has said their life was "meaningless" or "worthless" prior to kids. Well, I certainly haven't. My life was fine before kids - I enjoyed lots of aspects of it. But I didn't know then what being a mum would add to my life. Now I know that, I can confidently say being a mum is the most fulfilled I've ever been. I still enjoy other things, of course I do. I've spent 15 years studying for a building a career that I still do now because, despite how hard it is leaving my youngest to work (she's only 1), my job also makes me feel fulfilled in very different way. So... I don't think anyone is using terms like worthless or meaningless in relation to their pre child life. Just that they recognise it as the most fulfilling aspect of their lives now.

I agree about the chores, and also when I was a solo mum it was just the lack of adult conversation, my work kept me sane even if I wasnt wild about my job because I got to work with adults.

I liked the 'fun' things of parenting, teaching her to ride her bike, building snowman etc, watching her play sport. The benefits far outweigh some of the drudgery. I am pretty lucky in that aside some physical health issues my DD was a laidback kid / teen (obviously there were the teenage meltdowns and toddler tantrums but broadly speaking she wasnt hard work to raise).

It's just not acceptable to say you can't be arsed teaching colours to the child you decided to have. It's not cute, it's not funny, it's awful.

This! I've got one, it's all I can handle. I thought I'd have more but the reality is that I can only be a good mum to one. I'm sure people think they are being helpful when they bring out that old chestnut about how two are easier because they play together but if someone is finding one thing difficult you don't double the workload on the off chance that it might get easier at some unforeseeable point in the future.

OP I feel you, I hope it gets easier for you, I have days like this as well. We need to stop guilting each other for the choices we made and start supporting each other, it's good to be honest. I've waived recently imagining a picture-perfect life with another but this thread has given me a jolt I needed of reality.

It’s definitely interesting to hear the questions people ask when returning to work.

man returns after 14 fucking days: hey, how was it, awh are you tired, best thing ever isn’t it etc

woman returns after 180 days: gosh that’s early, who has got the kids, that’s a long day, what about their bonding and attachment, you look good considering, your grandma stayed off for years why aren’t you, awh the nursery will be good for them.. eventually.

😂😂😂😂😂
There is something in this social control, whether you want to believe it or not. I don’t think that’s the only reason women enjoy their children. There’s a lot of hormones at play too.

@Waxonwaxoff0

i fully agree with everything you’re saying and appreciate it, thank you. I think it’s absurd that people are calling my point of view depressing or insisting I must be lying because I enjoy something that I’m fairly sure im biologically designed to do (and it’s totally fine if people don’t enjoy it or don’t want to - but pretending that enjoying mothering is a social construct for everyone is as nonsensical as it is patronising and offensive).

im sorry that not everyone enjoys parenting. I have sympathy for those who have 1 and thought it would be different; or have had a chance oF circumstance. Having one and disliking it and having more is not something I have sympathy for and I think @pixie5121 your attitude is fantastic and I which more people thought things through as you have done, so that children don’t feel like an annoyance or a burden.

*wish, not which

Agree with @Purspectivepulease
It's a combination of hormones and social conditioning. Motherhood is objectively shit...lack of sleep, housework, exhaustion, loss of freedom and spontaneity, worry, stress etc. If we didn't love our DC, we'd walk away but no matter how bad it gets we continue to do it because of love and expectations.

I don't understand why this (and every conversation around parenting young children) has to get so intense.

It's possible to be a perfectly lovely loving mum and be bored and not....a disorganised slave to the patriarchy who is wasting their life because they're forced to by society. It can just be Friday night and you wish you weren't doing laundry.

I find my toddler endlessly interesting, I'm not mad at people who find their toddlers boring. I mean, I assume you're not going to come to my house and tell my toddler she's boring...? It's possible for me to enjoy this phase and have empathy for people who don't...

It can be very, very repetitive and relentless. It’s getting less so for me now and we have one child so the worst of the monotonous stuff is definitely behind me.

I don’t really relate to people who lament the monotony/boredom/relentlessness and how hard it is and then have a 2nd/3rd/4th child expecting something different.

I’m fairly sure im biologically designed to do

yep, and you’ll be getting a fisting from all the love/happy hormones every time they: look into your eyes, touch your skin, hug you, kiss you, get soothed by your presence etc..

@Purspectivepulease

im very happy to be told I’m a slave to my hormones and a sucker for the oxytocin - I’m just not prepared to be told I’m
content due to social conditioning.

In my case one was lovely, it was quite a special time. Thought having a second would be great and figuring DC2 might take a long time to arrive started trying as soon as DC1 turned one year. DC2 arrived very quickly. Nice enough child but we are completely overwhelmed and under awed by two children and I regret it terribly.
Nothing on earth would convince me to ever have a third child.
Perhaps three years plus age gaps, if time is on your side, should be obligatory. Perhaps having children in your twenties so you haven’t as many memories of freedom should be obligatory. I don’t know the answers.

A friend tries hard to say her city breaks are more frequent and better stringing two children along. Nothing she can ever say will convince me this will ever be too true.

Of course social conditioning plays a part...it plays a part in everything we do without us even realising it

two are easier because they play together

They can fuck off with this.
This can go in the same box as BING, ‘drowsy but awake’, they’ll sleep better when they’re on solids and bottle fed babies sleep better.
Fuckety fuck off because it’s all lies that people just say.. like anything remotely related to cough/cold/diarrhoea/gnawing/crying and my Nans generation (all the ones I’ve met anyway) say awwww teething. Then when it comes to them actually teething they go awwwwww tired, they’re tired. K’in Ellllll

*two are easier because they play together

They can fuck off with this*

some of the aggression on this thread is extremely unreasonable. In YOUR experience this may not be the case. My 3 year old and 1 year old play together frequently. The 3 year old teaches the 1 year old to speak. Lots of their play is running around like hooligans but they are laughing and it’s nice. Again I’m sorry if that’s not the case for you but it does and can happen.

Perhaps three years plus age gaps, if time is on your side, should be obligatory

but again, some people enjoy a smaller gap.

honestly I’m sorry some people are having a bad time and not enjoying parenting but it’s not correct to just try to drag other people down with this sort of crap.

some of the aggression on this thread is extremely unreasonable. In YOUR experience this may not be the case. My 3 year old and 1 year old play together frequently.

It's lovely that yours do, the problem is so many people trot this out as fact as in if you have two it will be easier, and that's probably why the OP is so angry, she was probably told/is told that two is/will be easier and it's not helpful as it isn't the case for everyone, I'm not even sure it's the case for the majority!

@GoFishandChips

thats fair, but I wouldn’t have children on the advice of others! The thing I definitely did feel tricked by was the “rocking them and putting them down and them staying asleep” though 😃 I’m sure some peoples did that but mine never did. I just had to mentally adapt to holding them for all naps for 6 months 🤪.

Interesting.
Do you think this social control you mention is ‘society’ or the merely judgements of mothers by mothers?
Genuine question, not goading.

I’m familiar with those phrases when returning from work, but IME men and women without children don’t really give a fig who’s looking after your kids or how quickly you returned - that’s your decision you’ve made behind the scenes for your own reasons.
Focus is that you’re now back to work, things to do, so let’s crack on eh.

I think there is a real misunderstanding here that different kinds of work are not the same, even if both involve boring elements.

Lots of the work of everyday life, including related to kids, is boring, but it's also important. Something like research work in a lab can often be tedious and boring, but you know it has an important purpose. Managing that is totally different than working on a factory line making singing fish to sell for gags that waste resources and only enrich the factory owner.

People need meaning in their work.

While I'd agree totally that the isolation of modern society is bad for parents and mums in particular, there are also certain social attitudes we learn that also make it harder. One being the expectation we often have that we shouldn't be bored. This isn't so much a conscious thing anyone would say seriously, but there is a strong tendency for us to feel resentment at boring repetative work, and almost as if we deserve more. And society doesn't put much value on unpaid work. So it's harder for us to feel it's valuable and also to avoid feeling ill used when it is boring. The constant stream of innovation and entertainment probably doesn't help us deal with boring tasks either.

It’s SO boring. I wouldn’t change it as that would mean erasing my toddler and I do quite like him but fuck me, it’s so tedious in the main.

I always wonder what kinds of jobs people who say stuff like that have. Because for a lot of people being in your own home doing your own laundry for yourself and your own family is probably a lot more satisfying than washing them for some other person, selling people stuff in a shop, or doing what a lot of women do and wiping other people's kids noses.

I find toddlers pretty interesting too, FWIW. Though I don't try and play with them or anything which helps with regard to being bored.

😆

I don't understand what my job has to do with my enjoyment of my child, to be honest.

Because you can't possibly be suggesting that I should recognise that being at home to do your washing is a privilege. That would be utterly absurd.

You know working class women, those who wipe other children's snot up, find housework boring too, right?