To say parenting is boring?

[BoredYummyMummy]

I’m bored of; the shitty nappies, the crying, the whining, the coaxing to do absolutely everything, the cheery ‘well done’s’ as they do the same fucking thing agaiiiin, the infinite laundry, the tantrums, the streams of snot and oh my god I’m bored of fucking BING

Any sane human has to find the repetition bone achingly boring?

Your last post seems like such a good example of the really negative mindset you're in. Another way of putting what you said is that actually your children both self-settle to sleep and you don't need to hold them during naps for them to sleep. I am absolutely certain you wouldn't actually think it was easier the other way, but you seem to be looking for the downside.

@TrippinEdBalls it’s interesting that you can’t find a post about me moaning about those things, though, isn’t it? I enjoyed the contact naps and the fantastic boost of endorphins that skin on skin gave. We’re not all the same.

Well, you don't have tiny babies any more, and you don't have just one child. You can either see that as a terrible burden that life has given you and focus on every tiny associated piece of work, or you can try and find the positives. It's totally up to you but it's not surprising that doing the former is making you miserable.

Car naps can be great - particularly if you manage to get them both asleep. Some of my best times have been driving up and down the A3 with a Starbucks drive thru coffee blasting out music I actually enjoy (not that nursery rhymes don’t have their moments 😃) whilst they are asleep.

There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in mothering. If it's 90 per cent boring, you lose your identity and are basically a slave for many years, how can it be worth it? My guess is that carrying on regardless means you get to avoid the social stigma and shame that is piled on if you are a 'bad mother'. Social conditioning basically with shame being the tool which keeps us in line. It seems to me we get 'love them' shoved down our throats.
I've thought a lot about this and have read lots and my conclusion is that humans have not evolved to parent in couples, or even worse, alone. Our children are difficult to bring up and we need an actual village most of the time.
We haven't evolved physiologically beyond our hunter gatherer days when all adults were actively involved with the care and entertainment of children.
Our nervous systems haven't evolved beyond that system, so no wonder we find it so hard to have small family units.
Add a badly behaved child in the mix and mother's nervous system can go into shutdown (losing yourself). The same mother is expected to regulate her child's nervous system and bring the child up to be a functional well rounded adult, while being judged and blamed. A total shit show that isn't going away any time soon.
I find it boring and restrictive still and my youngest is ten.
Having said that, I enjoyed when my oldest was a baby and toddler, although it was very hard. Didn't enjoy the youngest as much as it's incredibly hard with two.
I'm still doing my best.

Also my 1 year old only naps in car or buggy or rocked but again with a buggy rock in the house he’s then asleep and I am
hands free to play with the older one (or, like now, he’s playing alone happily so I’m just sitting on my arse resting). Sometimes parenting comes with a lot of unreasonable expectations (usually around sleep) and those can cause problems; rather than the actual situation itself.

I wish weekly that I had stuck to one child. I remember enjoying it all. I remember DH and I both pleading to be the one who did bedtime. Maybe that wouldn’t have lasted but at least I’d have had 50% of my time to myself.
Somehow or other I thought it would be lovely for DC1 to have a sibling. While DC2 is a lovely person, I dearly wish I had stuck to one child. Its different for everyone but I could cope with one.

There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in mothering. If it's 90 per cent boring, you lose your identity and are basically a slave for many years, how can it be worth it?

disagree very strongly with this. Being a mother is not at all being a “slave”, sorry. A slave is someone who is forced into servitude. A mother is someone who, in this day and age, chose to live this life, knowing a good deal about what to expect in general. Lots of things we “have” to do - cooking, cleaning, washing etc, we have to do for ourselves anyway so it’s just adding onto existing tasks. My children don’t force me to do things - I dictate the narrative of the day, where we go and what we do. I don’t feel like I am forced into giving them cuddles or kisses or making them feel better - that’s just instinct and feels as good for me as it does for them.

@Youcansaythatagainandagain

how old are your children? Siblings come into their own when they are of an age where they can play together

@Giraffesandbottoms

We think very similarly. I agree entirely with all of this.

@Giraffesandbottoms I did think as I typed it that 'slave' was a strong word to use. I'm 15 years into motherhood and wouldn't have said that early on, in the hardest years, because I know it was needed that I carry out the associated drudgery and that it wasn't about me.
I had my children relatively late and while calling it slavery is very strong, the amount I have given up for them is enormous.
So, I will say instead, that it's a hell of a lot to take on for no real compensation as far as I can see. But that's my situation, and I'm short on financial resources. With more money to buy in childcare, it would not be so difficult.

Yours sound like you have a similar age gap to mine OP and I agree! Now at 6 and 7 it's much better and I wouldn't change a thing. Oh except the feckin laundry. That just gets worse!

They are primary. In another couple of years they will go to secondary.

They don’t get easier when not babies. At least then they slept a lot and didn’t bemoan they are the only kids not going to Disney World/Legoland every weekend. And that is before all the emotional meltdowns caused by friendships breaking down and the agonising worry of not being in the catchment of preferred schools… it’s relentless.
People say it’s better when they get older
to try and pull someone out of the tough toddler years. With each passing year comes a new set of issues, it simply changes but doesn’t improve.
It is exactly as Toloveandtowork describes. In fact I’ve never read a more accurate post.

You say you aren’t forced to cook meals etc. Of course we are - it’s drilled into us to at least offer healthy meals daily. It isn’t a ‘choice’ and you are kidding yourself if you truly believe that. You say you clean anyway. There is no comparison between the constant cleaning and tidying after children compared to clearing up after yourself.
Perhaps believing as you do gets you through the day and if so keep saying it go yourself but it isn’t true and saying it to others is nothing short of telling lies.

@Toloveandtowork

i can imagine that the older the get, the less rewarding it is - I am one of four and I certainly do recall my mother in tears as we were teenagers and just never; ever put our plates in the dishwasher and used to put crisp packets under the sofa cushions etc. plus then you’re not washing baby clothes you’re washing effectively adult clothes and no one is helping! But then my neighbours have the most delightful teenagers so maybe we were just awful…

I have a 2.5,yr old and work full time. DH works every other weekend (out 6 am back 8.15) due to shifts so when I’m on own I can find it full on and have to push though the weekend. I had the long bank holiday with just me and DD which I found exhausting but actually enjoyed. I love hearing DD say funny things and phrases she’s picked up.
she can communicate quite well so tantrums are less though still happen. I try to incorporate stuff I like and do that- cycling with DD on back seat, walks, beach but obv this is harder with 2. I used to crave down time by myself as when not at work I had DD and found it so full on. Slowly though I feel my metal outlook shifting, possibly as she gets older and it’s a bit easier is some
ways. I don’t dread my alone weekends
with DD and I’m getting braver about doing stuff alone. I’ve started to tell myself child free time won’t really happen much and accept that and as miserable as it sounds,
It kind of works. I get used to the feeling. I have fun with DD when we are out and about so try to do that as often as I can. Keeps the house from getting destroyed as well. I feel less.guilty about using iPad for DD if we’ve played outside all day and I can get a cuppa in. What I really dread are the long tedious weekends alone with DD if it’s dreadful weather. I’m sticking at one though, I love my DD wholeheartedly and can’t imagine life without her now, but I never wanted loads of children and definitely could not cope with the mental demands of more while working. I think some people are cut out for loads of kids etc, and some not so much. That is definitely me. I love our routine now and dynamic so scared of upsetting the balance. I get judgement sometimes for deciding to just have one but I think women need to be more honest about what they can handle child wise and what they will honestly enjoy. Also, I don’t fold clothes, all DDs clothes once
out dryer live on a heap in spare room and we pick off as necessary. The ent need ironed. The nice ones or things she rarely wears get out in cupboard. No one knows I do this….

I identify with everything you write. I had children in my late 30s. I look at my old life, - job, finances travel, no worries about funding education, a healthy bank balance and I regret having children or at least regret having more than one child. I really do.

@Giraffesandbottoms you say some if your best times were driving in the car with the baby asleep in the back, so you had some peace.
My best times were when I was young, free and single and traveling the world.
We're all different.

You say you aren’t forced to cook meals etc. Of course we are - it’s drilled into us to at least offer healthy meals daily. It isn’t a ‘choice’ and you are kidding yourself if you truly believe that

that’s not what I said at all - please don’t put words into my mouth. I said I have to cook meals anyway - which I do. Didn’t you cook meals for yourself, before having children? My children eat what I’m eating; it’s hardly a chore to cook and then eat a delicious spaghetti bolognese or whatever. I don’t understand your frame of mind at all. Of course I’m picking up toys all day but that’s not cleaning it’s tidying, and a lot of the time the children can help with that. It’s not “telling lies” to see the world differently than you do. I just absolutely love being a mother - it’s all I ever wanted to do and it has been even better than I had hoped. I just wanted to present a positive alternative on this thread and I’m glad I am not alone @Sofiegiraffe !

@Toloveandtowork

yes, we are. I understand what you’re saying but for me I always wanted children and so driving with them asleep in the car, knowing I have them, is infinitely better than any holiday I ever took (but of course I remember those fondly too).

No I never made spag bol for myself. Never.

I didn’t cook at home. I didn’t buy groceries other than readymade meals, coffee, tea, fruit and crackers. I ate at work or I ate out.

Now I eat it at least once a fortnight because it’s one of the meals THEY will both eat and if I never saw it again I’d be fine with that!

I am glad you enjoy being a mother. I don’t understand why though.

I miss silence too. I miss being alone with my thoughts, ….

Sounds to me like you're stressing more than you need to. I have an almost 9 year old and none of the worries you post are familiar to me. Agonising over being in catchment for perfect schools? Really? I never give that a second thought.

And I certainly don't constantly clean up after my almost 9yo. If they're still making that much mess at that age I'd be wondering what you're teaching them to be honest. They can clean up after themselves, I make DS do his own tidying, only thing I do for him is changing his bed/washing his clothes which really isn't much.

You are obviously in a decent catchment then. I have worried about this since my children were toddlers. Trying to save to move but the house prices continually increase out of my reach as everyone wants the same thing.

No, it's just not something I'm that bothered about. I just sent DS to the nearest primary. They can thrive wherever if they want to. No need to be so dramatic.

@Youcansaythatagainandagain

I am genuinely sorry that you’re having a bad time and I hope you have some
support in real life x