To not feel sorry for Amber Heard even in light of evidence

[Wheresmywoolyjumpers]

I always loved Johnny Depp. Was really wanting to take his side, but the evidence being presented is making that impossible for me. But as much as I want to support women, I cannot warm to Amber Heard. is it patriarchal brainwashing? Is it that they both seem spoiled and behaving badly? Or something else?

They’re both vile.

Warming to her - or not - is completely irrelevant. The issue is whether or not she has been a victim of male violence, and the rights and protections that ALL women and girls need both enshrined and enforced. It really doesn't matter whether or not you like her. Women shouldn't have to qualify for safety by being likeable.

You can never know what goes on between two people, but the more I hear the more I think that she was emotionally abusive.

This case is about lying.
Whether she lied when she said he was physically abusive towards her.
So it's not about abuse at all.

If this case were about the right to not be assaulted, then AH would be starting in a weak position. AH freely admitted to hitting him & throwing heavy things at JD. On more than one occasion.

Without physical evidence that JD actually hurt AH, the case will be decided based on who is more credible witness. If neither is credible, she can't be found guilty and he can't win. I'd say they are both coming across badly, so she will win the lawsuit since she can't be deemed an obvious liar. The result will have nothing to do with whether JD ever assaulted AH.

@Greensleeves

Warming to her - or not - is completely irrelevant. The issue is whether or not she has been a victim of male violence, and the rights and protections that ALL women and girls need both enshrined and enforced. It really doesn't matter whether or not you like her. Women shouldn't have to qualify for safety by being likeable.

Absolutely ABSOLUTELY this. This is all that's relevant. He is suing her for defamation. Which will mean that he needs to prove she was lying.

The ruling in his case with The Sun already shows that he is, in fact, an abuser.

Even if she isn't likeable, or innocent; even if she is herself an abuser, it doesn't change the fact that he is an abuser, which is what the case is about. She isn't suing him for saying that she is. So what she may or may not have done doesn't matter.

I feel the same way.

something doesn’t seem genuine with her. Not saying she’s lying; but she is hard to resonate with and I find her hard to trust.

They are both vile. Does AH have any physical evidence that JD abused/assaulted her?
She admitted re him.

Its normal to want to believe the best of celebrities that you like or fancy and its very normal for people to take the mans side in domestic abuse cases, especially when its one of your favourite actors, hence all the hate directed towards Amber Heard about her part in it, which does not seem to be directed towards JD for his part.
Dont worry OP. Youre nothing unusual here

Was he convicted of abuse?

I'm not a fan of either of them. I think they've probably both done unsavoury things to the other. (She poohed in his bed FGS!) But her constantly taping him is wrong imo. Obviously she stays calm because she knows she's taping him. He knows nothing but actually I haven't heard him say anything bad.

She's admitted hitting him and with her constantly taking photos and recordings, you can't help but think she'd been setting this up for a while. Why didn't she just leave? It's not like she had ties to him or no money or no friends. Why just drag it out like that?
Still, I've realised people can have money but their houses can still look like crap.

I can't say I understand too much about the case. It was clearly an horrific marriage, but beyond that.

I did however, see a load of comments on FB from women about Depp's texts. You know where he said he wanted to drown her and so on.

Lots of women arguing that was perfectly normal, everyone says things like that about their partners. Which was fairly horrifying.

So yes, appalling misogyny playing out here.

She doesn't strike me as a victim and it's amazing she appropriated the term.

Why didn't she just leave?

Why didn't he? Why is the entire focus of your post about her?

Actually I've just read the 14 accusations against him re his old court case. Vile!

She is an awful person. She claimed she donated $7M from the divorce settlement to a women's DV charity – that was all complete bollocks.

i don't think that it's normal for people to take the man's side in domestic abuse cases, quite the opposite.
where do you get that notion from.
sorry, can't work out how to quote a previous post on this new horrid format; and what's happened to refresh button ? anyone know.
not to derail.
the fact that so many people find it hard to support AH in relation to JD is telling i think.
i don't follow popular culture, have never seen him in a film, barely know who he is, but am interested in news generally esp legal matters.
i think they were both mistaken in going to law, the lawyers will make a lot of money out of it. they won't.
but she seems a v unpleasant character.
i would normally be sympathetic to the woman as the weaker partner, physically, but that doesn't seem the case here. women can be abusive too, and emotional/psychological abuse can be damaging too. and she seems not avers to disgusting behaviour and physical violent outbursts.
i feel sorry for him.

I think this is an example of a hideously toxic relationship. Both were abusive. I don't think either was any more a victim than the other.

YANBU op,
there is patriarchal brainwashing in that women must be perfect victims to be sympathised with. A 29yr old prostitute is raped while out soliciting on the streets at 3am…the reaction is well what was she expecting doing something so dangerous. A 17 yr old virgin is drugged and raped by her father in her own bedroom…the reaction is OMG how shocking, what a monster. Yet both are victims of rape. Neither is “better” than the other.

it’s the same patriarchal BS with DV….a woman who hits back or is otherwise not the perfect martyr to abuse is not the perfect victim. She is viewed as bringing the abuse on herself. It’s patriarchy that has us analyse the female victim to criticise how perfect they are or not.

Comments like "she doesn't strike me as a victim", "I can't warm to her", and "she's an awful person" illustrate the point, though - if we want women and girls to be protected legally against male violence, then that has to mean ALL of us. Not just the likeable ones, or those who appear weak. Feminism means all women and girls, and zero tolerance of male violence. Even if you dislike the victim.

That's what he gets for being a sad middle aged cliché and ditching his wife of many years for a younger model. Blew up in his face bigtime.

This idea that we must believe the woman over the man no matter what is reprehensible.

I've been keeping up with lots of details of this case, and me saying "she's an awful person" is what I believe after seeing everything she did to try and trap him. She set up cameras and goaded him, trying to make him say anything she could use against him. And I just can't believe anyone would lie and say they'd donated $7M to a women's DV charity – and not be considered an awful person.

I am not sure how you personally feel about a person is relevant. This is very strange - why do you need to feel 'warm' towards her?

Yes quite.

Because the opposite is 'she deserved it'.

she's cold and calculating...she isn't coming across well at the moment.

when is she up there speaking?

what does he 'get'?

and what has age got to do with it?