A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

[Lightintheroom]

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

I have a problem similar.
A neighbour of mine is schizophrenic and will stare at my house from his garden for hours (their front door is opposite mine). He has told other people that he watches me and is abusive with me also (a few other neighbours too), he shouts that he has videos of me on YouTube and various other obscenities.
He sometimes majorly kicks off in the street screaming and shouting for hours.
police arrest him, release him the same day and then tell me then can’t do anything. It’s crap, I hope you get help

Would ye, aye.
That'd go well for you when Strange Man discovers it, & uses it as his justification to escalate.

& even better, when you ask an already disinterested & DARVO'ing constabulary to return to your complaint, they could use your youtube antics to justify their previous bullshit excuse that you are an attention seeking trouble-maker.

You'd feel great stuck in that quandary, wouldn't you? What could you do about any of it then? Post a rant on youtube?
That might help you feel vindicated, but wouldn't keep you safe, or get you any legal restitution. And just imagine the amount of trolls who'd pop up on it, ready to take Strange Man's side & vilify you as an obssessed madwoman, & worse ...

It is ridiculous that the police are not having a word and nipping things in the bud! I am sorry that you are going through this.

We had a similar thing! This was a year ago at Christmas time and we had a strange man taking pictures of the house. He did it 2-3 times a day for a month.

like you, we contacted the police, who told us it wasn’t a crime to take pictures of the house and nothing they would do. We expressed concern, we didn’t know him and since it was around Christmas we thought he may try a burglary on the property, they told us if that happened then call them!

My DH felt angered and said to the police he would confront the man and film it (in case they needed it as evidence or something) they advised if he was to do this to make sure he could get back inside the property if things turned sour! It was ridiculous!

In the end we confronted the man, after that he hasn’t been down the street and we haven’t seen him since.

I really feel for you, being alone during this time, is extremely difficult and stressful. I would say if you do confront him, make sure you video it for safety and evidence. Make sure you are safe when you do this. I hope my story makes you feel like you are not alone.

Get a camera today! There are even fake ones with a little red light if you can’t afford the real deal. Put in plain sight, also on eBay are signs you can put up saying that there is cctv installed (whether there is or isn’t). Make sure all windows and doors are locked when you are out. Leave a tv on, get timers on some lamps to switch on and off in your absence. As for your car, make sure the camera is pointing in its direction. I’ve been in your shoes with neighbours and it broke me.

OP how terrible.

if your neighbour and business opposite have noticed this behaviour do you think they will agree to make a complaint to the police about him as well?

definitely make a complaint to the police about the officer.

I have a restraining order against an ex neighbour for under the 1997 harassment act harassment until further notice which is pretty much forever 😂
But he was convicted in the crown court and caught on cctv so it was a slam dunk .
Get cctv every time you contact the police get the crime reference number and keep these safe .

I'd feel threatened too, and I'm a bloke!
Perhaps you could visit your nearest Police station in person and insist on speaking to a female officer. I believe they're obliged to comply with such a request.

The police need to step up and do their job. In my area there is a stretch of road where an organised crash for cash scam has been going on for months. It is blatantly obvious what is happening and the police have made it clear they are not interested. And yet just the other day they put a post on Facebook saying that they will be doing speed checks across the area. So it’s ok to commit a crime/ harass someone, but if you exceed the speed limit by 3 mph they will come down on you like a ton of bricks 😡

Lots of good advice from other posters but please remember OP we are here too for any help we can give. Do you have a local Facebook group? I would post a zoomed in picture and video of him and see if anyone knows who he is or had any previous issues. The more information you can give the police the better

I never thought I’d flag off the Police but for gods sake!
you must ring them every time, report that twit Police Officer and yes yes yes cameras - how dare that bully/creep freak you out xxx

That's a poor service from the police. I would email your local MP and maybe the police crime commissioner if you can find their email.

I would try and take photos of him, or better video - phone or cctv. Ask a neighbour to witness it also.

Harassment is a course of conduct so one more than one occasion and the behaviour would cause the other to feel harassed.

If the above applies then you have enough to report the man for harassment.

I would take the view it is better to address the low level behaviour now to prevent risk of escalation. Not saying it would escalate, but it I would be a sensible approach to take.

My mother had the same issue with devious neighbour who had her car tampered with. Police won’t do anything even if they do come out and eventually take a statement. I would try the council- community protection and up your cctv on the property that captures him standing infront of your driveway

The copper sounds like a twat

If you can, install Ring to video activity in front and near car. Consider cctv to capture his watching the house

Keep a diary. If you know where he lives can you I'd him from electoral roll or similar?

I'd be inclined to research his name if known on the Web to find out more about this person. Knowledge is power etc. And may help you feel in better control x

A ring doorbell gives you a wide street view, so you should be able to see him on it. It should be quite obvious it is there as well (and the light turns blue if you use it to look along the street) so maybe that will put him off, and provide evidence for you. If you park your car within few then you can set the boundary around your car too (it alerts you if there is movement in the areas you have covered, but not in others then it doesn’t go off every time someone walks past)

I'm so sorry OP. I have geen stalked, harassed & intimidated by 3 separate people over the years.

I'm nothing special & keep to myself as much as possible but it only takes a small situation or issue to trigger some people & then they can begin a bizarre fixation. It's horrible and frightening.
The best advice I can give is to tell as many people as you can, it sounds as though your immediate neighbours are aware but id also share with more people around you.
Obviously engaging with this man would be a terrible idea but I would say ignoring stalkers doesn't in my experience get rid of them. They seem to escalate unless challenged. You need to get back on to the police & get your complaint heard. This person needs to be challenged by someone other than you or you DH and the police would be the safest people to do this.
Best of luck to you and your family. Please don't feel alone, there are more of us out there than you think.

@user47 Good for you! I wouldn’t have thought of it without my ex. The Facebook group idea is great…I hope you got it sorted and top marks to you for creativity & ingenuity 😁

Have your husband join Nextdoor for your street/area and alert neighbours by posting about the man as a potential crime threat.
It is common for neighbours to look out for each other and certainly in my part of London , frequently neighbours post about suspicious individuals potentially casing properties, cars , being bothersome. The more people who know the better.

What a strange, strange man. Obviously trying to intimidate you.

you need some sort of CCTV. You can pick them up fairly cheap on Amazon.

you also need to make and keep a record of how many times he does this.

I am so so sorry that you had this response from the police, that is beyond disappointing and her response was heartless and totally ridiculous in my opinion.
log every time you see him there, and I would keep comparing and hopefully you will hear back from someone who takes it seriously and is more understanding. Are you able to ask the neighbours / the business to make a complaint saying they find the behaviour disturbing too?
I really hope you get a resolution to this, I would also feel totally uncomfortable and quite afraid!

If you can afford it get a rear and front dashcam for your car
ours are motion activated so if anyone comes near to the car for more than a few seconds or touches the car it will start recording and we get a notification on the app that the motion sensor been activated

@Cait44 did you mean to start a new thread, or did you mean to comment on a different thread? I’m not sure of the relevance to the OP otherwise!

Before you complain have a look on the website for your police force and find the section about stalking and harassment and find out what their service standards are and quote it to them if it doesn’t reflect the service you received- do the same with the crime commissioners web page. It helps if you know how they’re supposed to respond. Also don’t use the online complaints form. Send a letter addressed for the personal attention of the (the name of the chief constable). He won’t deal with your complaint personally but he will probably ask to be updated and copied into any reply

To those posters suggesting the OP’s husband go and speak to this man….. why do you think this is a good idea? This all started because he had a word and asked him to stop parking over their driveway - can you imagine the response to being asked to stop stalking his wife?

OP I was stalked when I was 17/18 by the man who raped me and took my virginity. The police couldn’t do anything about the rape, so I never even bothered going to them about the stalking. I spent a year terrified. Changed lots of my habits only to find he’d start turning up at the new places. He’d never approach me, but he made damm sure I knew he was there. It was only after he moved away with his girlfriend (to the city I was about to move to to go to Uni, and from what a mutual friend warned me, not far from where I was going to be living before I decided to live at home and commute instead because of it) that I finally got a break.

I wouldn’t wish stalking on anyone. You never feel safe. You never know if they’re going to do something more to you. You never know if people will believe you. I believe you OP. (((Hugs)))

Contact Borough Commander & raise with them. Or go to www.london.gov.uk/people/mayoral/sophie-linden and raise there.