A man has been watching my house for months. Awful experience with police who won't do anything.

[Lightintheroom]

Since before Christmas, a man has been watching my house. He stands on the other side of the road and stares right up at the house for up to ten minutes at a time.

It started because DH (politely) asked him to stop parking across our drive every day.

DH works away a lot and I WFH meaning it's usually only me at home when he does it. I've reported this twice to the police online. Neither of us have approached or spoken to the man since DH asked him not to block our drive.

I've now had a call from the police who asked for details, then said there is nothing they can do. He's not breaking the law by watching the house and it's below the level for prosecution.

I've had my car tampered with, I'm often alone at home and I just wanted them to speak to him and tell him to stop. I know roughly where he lives further up the road. They won't do anything.

The police officer made me feel like an idiot. I said I'm worried he'll do something, it's making me feel uncomfortable and scared and I just want him to stop.

As they won't be doing anything, I said the only thing I can think of doing is approaching him (while recording on my phone) and telling him to stop watching my house and to leave me alone.

The officer completely turned on me and said they would be recording what I'd just said in their notes and that if I was really "in fear" that I would not approach him and that I was just "looking for a reaction" from this man.

The officer said that nobody who was genuinely in fear of someone would approach them - as if I was somehow making this up.

I made the point that it was harrassment, stalking even, and that there's currently a BTP campaign on the tube around staring at women.

I cried. Like a fool I cried on the phone to the police because the officer was so unhelpful and essentially told me I wasn't scared of this man at all.

I'm not expecting him to be charged with something, I just want someone to tell him to stop.

If outside London contact your area Chief Superintendent or the Police & Crime Commissioner.

Not sure if it's been suggested (too many replies to read through) but would it be worth asking for local community police officer to come out to give security advice? Might be enough to scare him if he sees a panda car outside your house but you can also get direct/documented advice on CCTV/monitoring?

We have a psycho neighbour who fell out with us as I accidentally unfriended her on Facebook.
We had a couple of CleverDog cameras we used to monitor our garden and "caught" her coming right up and peering in our kitchen window. We didn't say anything to her as she's a single woman and we were worried she'd somehow twist it around.
She ended up having a verbal go at me one afternoon when I was out in the garden and tried to appeal to my husband ... I was "she/her" whereas she used his name.
Ended up that we were going to "agree to disagree" but be civil to one another.
Saw her and her daughter in the street the next day, said hello, got blanked.
Next time we were in the garden she came out and said my husband had intimidated her. He didn't.
We phoned police for advice as in case it escalated further.
Officer who came out was helpful and couldn't believe the crap we'd put up with from her over the years; he told us to log everything and not engage in any way, shape or form but they didn't speak to her either.

Good luck

@MiddleAgedBlokeHere I think it was a female officer she spoke to, perhaps a male one would be better in this case.

I would absolutely put a complaint in about this ‘officer’ and I would invest in CCTV asap to put your mind at ease and as a deterrent. Hope you’re OK op 💐

In that case the lack of empathy makes it worse.

Firstly I'd be making a complaint about the way the officer handled it. I'd be making my direct neighbors aware of what's going on and to let you know if they see anything. Ringdoor bell that covers the area he stands/regular security camera in an obvious place. DO NOT APPROACH HIM EVER. If he's happy enough to creep on you in broad daylight you've no idea of his mental state or capabilities. I'd probably even contact the local authority see if there's a neighborhood'team' where you are, see if you have a better response through them than the police. Please keep yourself safe

To those posters suggesting the OP’s husband go and speak to this man….. why do you think this is a good idea? This all started because he had a word and asked him to stop parking over their driveway - can you imagine the response to being asked to stop stalking his wife?

At last, the voice of logic & common sense, & delivered more politely that I could have managed - cheers @Tillow4ever

& more personally, oh my dear, I wish I could hug you. I hope you already know that true courage is 'feeling the fear & doing it anyway'. It's easy to be "brave" if you're not already scared & intimidated. Surviving abuse & harassment with our sanity reasonably intact is a major triumph. Kudos to you, & your intelligent post xx

Please don't do this OP.

If the police wanted to establish his name & address, they could do so within 24 hours without external 'help'. Never mind what the few vigilante-minded PP's are imagining - given the initial dim-witted & depressingly ill-advised stance your favourite WPC took previously, opening yourself to any interpretation of "tit-for-tat" is a bad move for you right now.

Aplologies, reading between the lines you are sensible, & not about to get fired up to do anything daft by the more gung-ho PP's - no matter how supportive I am sure their intentions are.

Keep your head down OP - you don't need any further advice, you know what to do & what not to do. All the best to you & DH x

We didn't say anything to her as she's a single woman and we were worried she'd somehow twist it around.

I know, right, @OneCanWonder !
Thank goodness you had the full protection of your marriage license, or else the police might have suspected you of being the one to "twist it around"!

I hope you are doing ok, & advise you not to engage in conversation with any female singletons in future unless your keeper DH is in attendance with a vidcam.

Another vote for security cameras, especially as your car has had some damage. And as soon as possible.

Yes sorry I have worked out how to start a thread.

Cancel the cheque!

Sorry, I think that's been taken out of context ... And I haven't explained myself very well.
I meant more from the point of view there were two of us and one of her. Sheesh!

🤷‍♀️

@Branleuse I'm on an Android phone and still see an OP's posts in green and can click on "see all" below the opening post - unchanged since before the site changes.

@Whatafustercluck I haven't taken offence, just thought you hadn't read the thread properly and in the OP's shoes I would complain about the officer's attitude in person.

Apologies I hit UABU accidentally.. I blame my stupid false nails! Everyone should feel safe in their home, it’s ridiculous that they have turned this on because your reaction was fight rather than flight, you don’t feel safe that should be enough for at least a patrol to have a chat when he is being stalkery at least his reaction would then be on record x

Phone the police every single time he is there. Quote the law to them:

Definition of stalking
Stalking is not legally defined but section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997 lists a number of examples of behaviours associated with stalking. The list is not an exhaustive one but gives an indication of the types of behaviour that may be displayed in a stalking offence. The listed behaviours are:
(a) following a person,
(b) contacting, or attempting to contact, a person by any means,
(c) publishing any statement or other material relating or purporting to relate to a person, or purporting to originate from a person,
(d) monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication,
(e) loitering in any place (whether public or private),
(f) interfering with any property in the possession of a person,
(g) watching or spying on a person."

To all those who say that the police should look into the car being tampered with, I say that you have no idea what the OP means by 'tampered with'.
One can't assume that it's the guy who stands over the road and what are the police expected to do? Fingerprint the vehicle? Put up posters asking for info?
Don't be ridiculous. Investigations cost money and manpower and none of us know how long ago the OP thinks it was tampered with. Imagine ringing police to say that X amount of days/weeks ago your car was tampered with but you did nothing at the time. Imagine if they were to send an officer round to take details. What details could be given? Is the car on a drive? Could any passing person have done what the OP alleges was done? Don't be daft, there is nothing to be investigated. He's at liberty to stand over the road for 10 minutes just as the OP is allowed to observe him from her window for the same amount of time. If he lives down the road he's unlikely to do anything but she's allowing him to unsettle her.
Frankly, I wouldn't go near the windows unless in passing and I'd ignore him. He'll get tired in the end and yes, I do understand that some people would find it worrying but it's not a stranger, he lives nearby and he's a dickhead.

Hi OP, what a horrible experience youre having.

Anyway, I agree with ponkydonkey - I'm a widow. I bought a house on a new estate and had a load of problem kids smash my neighbours 3yo bike up. I had a word with them - our roads private - they went and got a very angry stomping man who saw my cctv cameras, turned around and I've never seen him or the kids since.

I also had a man with a dog pop up out of nowhere everytime I got home - no matter what time. He was walking off the nature reserve on which I live and by the time I got out of my car was outside my house wishing me a good mirning. Really freaked me out. He'd never seen my big dog. I took my dog for a walk one morning and coincidentally he came onto the reserve as I was coming off. He did a double take looking at me with my white GSD/husky Cross ( he looks like a white wolf) and I never saw him again. So dogs are wonderful members of tha family and can def help motivate people to stay clear.

OP, this happened to me. Over the course of 8 years, something similar. I ended up leaving the country and have never been back to the UK since. Even just typing this is causing me to have an anxiety attack and I feel sick. I know that the person involved can't find me. Can't get a visa in to the country where I live due to their criminal record, but I'm still scared. The police did end up warning this person but they were smart (knew exactly how many days to leave contact so that it wasn't a course of conduct and therefore not legally harassment) and even though I had CCTV, wore balaclavas etc. I'm lucky that I have dual citizenship and could just leave. It wasn't easy but I started again.

The laws in the UK around harassment are pathetic. But please, please do not approach this man.

You absolutely must call the police every single time you see him.

Get CCTV as well as a ring doorbell.

Start a log of everytime you see him, who you spoke to at the police when you called, the time you called, the incident number and what the police said to you. Record these details every time.

Eventually when the police still do nothing, you call the chief constable of your area (I did but by this time, I had already decided I was leaving and just had to sell my house). You insist that he comes round. You show him all the evidence you have accrued (CCTV, police logs etc.,). See what he says.

Please do not approach this man, ask anyone else to approach him, put a picture of him on social media, or do anything else that could provoke him.

Lastly, please, please have SOS on your phone turned on.

On Android such as Samsung, SOS set up is in settings > advanced features > send SOS messages > then you can add as many contacts as you like, they will get a text message along with a video recording taken from the front and back camera plus a 5 second audio as well as the GPS location of where you are. In an emergency all you have to do is press the side button 3 or 4 times, you choose.

I have this on my phone and I recommend everyone should have it, especially kids.

Make sure that your contacts are also people who are local to you as well as anyone else. Because my DH works in a hospital so doesn't look at his phone all the time, I also have both of my kids as contacts as well as some family in UK (call me paranoid).

Please be safe OP. I pray for you and will keep you in my thoughts. I absolutely know what you're going through and lived it for 8 years. If you need to chat, just DM me ❣

Get a camera, also get a journal & record dates /times etc & be sure to include anything that the camera might not pick up (eg if there’s a damaged hedge where he stands & it wasn’t previously damaged, write that down)
wheb the police come to their senses/this escalates you’ll have more evidence to make a start with

Sorry to hear this. Police can be awful, condescending and disregard women.. in general. Plenty of outraged examples of that type of behaviour unfortunately.

my advice to you: put your complaint and concern in writing. Find an email address where you can report crime and or incidents to the police. Send and also cc yourself… your MP and the press or any womens activist group.

i would take pictures upload when the idiot is there and so it’s again.

sone one will want to make it go away ´.

writing always best as you have a record and one that can’t be denied … unlike phone calls.

don’t cry… be persistent and give them hell.

My neighbour started doing this after I objected to their application for planning permission. The security camera didn't stop it, infact he deliberately stands and glares right at it frequently.

I hope you manage to deal with him, some people are vile.

OP HAS ALREADY INSTALLED A CAMERA!!!

Jeeze, this is ridiculous. Worse than 'cancel the cheque'.

If I were you I would write and complain to the Area Commander, there will be one, Superintendent level at minimum and lay out your complaint. The officer is correct to a degree but that does not preclude them from being empathetic, listening to you and recording at local intelligence level what is going on, bcs otherwise there is no way to build up a history or background of what's been happening. It's horrendous for the victim because the law to a degree is black and white, make threats yourself and you're the one that will get the warning. The Protection from Harassment Act was brought in for a reason, enlist your MP too to see what pressure he/they can bring to bear. Can't imagine for a minute how frightened you are, but turn the tables on this bastard, not saying it's easy, but give it a go, watch him, film him, wave, make him think, what the heck is she doing. Best wishes.

That sounds like a good idea.