Brides & Grooms expecting wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

[ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy]

I run a wedding catering company - based on a food truck and catering to the less formal weddings. I'm now seeing a trend where brides and grooms are emailing me and are telling me that they expect the guests to pay for the dinner themselves on the day 😮

I'm turning down these events as a matter of policy - largely because I think it is the most cheapskate move ever. But also because I could arrive and find they have 50 guests, 5 food trucks and half of them have brought a picnic instead, and I lose money.

AIBU to think most guests would baulk if I presented a card reader for their dinner at a wedding?

Honestly if it meant I got to have something I genuinely liked then I’d happily pay for my own meal at the wedding. I have some food allergies and often at weddings the solution is to simply omit parts of my meal but we’ve had caterers upcharge the couple for this. I think scaling back on presents and paying for your meal could be the way forward for a lot of weddings.

If people can’t afford to pay for their guests food, then they should probably be having a much cheaper wedding. People aren’t that bothered about other people’s weddings unless its someone really close to them, why would anyone think others would want to pay to eat there? And most likely not food they’d choose to eat if paying for a meal. It’s their ‘event’, so they should pay for it.

We were invited to a wedding abroad years ago. Included in the invite was a poem asking for cash not gifts, a price for flights, a price for kids club/babysitting service (which the kids would have to go in at times when the bride and groom didn’t want children around) and a suggestion that we may want to contribute to the cost of food as ‘as you can imagine, weddings are expensive and we haven’t wanted to leave any of our family and friends out’. They expected guests to pay thousands to be there, give a cash gift on top, pay to have their kids looked after by a stranger and then pay to eat on the day. The grooms mum said to me, ‘people shouldn’t mind paying for the food, they’re getting a holidaying of it after all ! 😂 Yes, that they had paid for themselves and was probably not the destination they would choose. She really thought the bride and groom were giving everyone so much. I was just People don’t seem to see how cheeky they sound once they’re in ‘wedding mode’.

We didn’t attend. 😂

*holiday out of it

Normally we charge for a package deal, with the per head price coming in lower if you have more guests. We have a minimum charge, which covers them for the first 65 guests.

We let people come back for seconds too; some people have none and others have two portions so it all evens out roughly and the option of an "unlimited" package works out well.

We are specialist caterers though, so usually we're either doing the canapés after the ceremony or one course of dinner. If it's part of the dinner, then usually there's another food truck there doing the other course, or a buffet, grazing table etc

I think it is the cheapest, tackiest, scabbiest thing ever to invite someone to a wedding and expect them to pay for a meal. You invite someone to come to your special day you pay for them to eat. How can you expect people to come, give you a cash gift and then you buy your own dinner. Absolutely MORTIFIED for any couple who deems this acceptable.

OP what would you potentially do if say the guests or at least a significant number simply refused to pay up after they had eaten? If you were to go ahead I'd be thinking very carefully about how any contract is worded or deposit taken so it's not you out of pocket.

I think if a couple told guests not to give presents but instead to contribute towards the wedding/meal that's fine. It wouldn't bother me.

Is food truck a new name for a burger or chip van?

Why is it okay to have a paid bar at a wedding, where guests have to buy their own drinks, but not okay to ask them to pay for food?

It's food truck food, we're not talking about 100/head presumably.

I remember being shocked when the trend for cash bars started taking off in my social circle; but the thing with drinks is that different options can vary hugely in price, people can (and will) consume vast amounts and, from the basic point of needing a drink, you'll always be able to get a jug of tap water and there are often jugs of squash for the kids, with the freedom to pay for whatever 'upgrade' you may want.

Food - basic sustenance - is not really considered a luxury and, rightly or wrongly, is considered a more central part of what you're being invited to join in with than the higher-priced drinks options are.

Added to that, people know that the bar is a separate facility that is permanently there and offered as an extra by the (third-party) venue as standard, without the B&G needing to get involved. Whatever food is there will have been and organised by the B&G, so it seems really off to plan what your guests will eat but not pay for it for them. It might be different if, say, you were having a wedding somewhere with no food facilities on-site but with options such as food vans, chip shops or whatever in the village/vicinity for people to go and sort themselves out for a meal (or bring a picnic) - and you made this clear to guests in advance.

YANBU for a ‘normal’ wedding.
However if the wedding is in a nearby field, no presents except paying for food, and plentiful drinks I’d happily attend.

Either way you should be paid upfront for providing a service. If the B&G wants guests to pay they can collect the money to cover after.

Btw in my culture big weddings are the norm. But it’s a snub not to invite people, and they usually give money which more than covers the cost…. It’s not thé done thing in England I presume?

etulosba think more like food festival trucks - our local food festival has Indian food, churros, fish & chips, wood fired pizza, pork baps, sausages, burgers from wide variety of trucks.
I have no objection to food trucks sounds nice. It’s just the paying as you order by card or cash part I can’t see working for guests or truck owner.

Im in the same section of catering and I dont accept any jobs where guests would be expected to pay for their own food. Its just not financially viable for me.

I have had enquiries where people want to pay less than £5 a head for a buffet for 20 . Im not sure what they are expecting but you would struggle to buy a sandwich and a drink for less than a fiver these days!

Outrageous CF'ery.

I'd be keeping it busnesslike and saying that you don't care who pays but its payment in advance, also if not all guests will be dining you expect the diners to be providing proof of payment before they are served....and yes if i was you and didn't need the business I'd be refusing too.

I wouldn't do it if I were you. Cheek. Like pp's idea of fish and chips for £7.

I am not bringing money to spend at a friend's wedding, no. I would be leaving as soon as the nuptials are over, if that. But genuinely, cheapness is a turnoff. If budget is low, then do something small/cheap/cheerful.

I went to one of these once, under protest. I believe they were using it as a way to keep the numbers low. Well, it worked and I've not thought of them the same way since.

Why is it okay to have a paid bar at a wedding, where guests have to buy their own drinks, but not okay to ask them to pay for food?

I'm quite pleased to say that no wedding I've ever been to has had a cash bar. Luckily, my family & friends have had weddings they could afford to pay for, rather than charging their guests. It's tacky

Agree with PP as cannot understand this trend for very expensive weddings the couple can't afford. If you're inviting guests, you need to feed them. They may have travelled a long way for you and anything else is rude. A glass of bubbly to toast the bride and groom as well is good. If you are on a budget it is fine to have less guests/less expensive catering/a cash bar (that you've already informed your guests about in the invitation), etc. As long as you are tactful, let everyone know in advance and don't expect them to pay for expensive accommodation, drinks or food.

A food truck can be really nice and a good idea, but I do understand that what the B&G were suggesting to the OP would not be a good business decision.

Why is it okay to have a paid bar ... but not okay to ask them to pay for food?

Because something to eat and usually wine with the meal/for the toast can be reasonably expected, and it's straightforward for the B&G to work out what they can afford when planning

An all day/evening/whatever bar less so, and while some do put a certain amount of money "behind the bar", it can all go wrong very quickly

I don't touch these weddings with a bargepole - but if I did I'd run it like I do at a festival. You pay up at the point of ordering / being served.

For all of us who are appalled by this idea - myself included - we might as well face the fact that it was always going to happen. After all B&Gs have got used to expecting guests to stay at their hotel, "suggesting" money only, spening £1000's on their destination wedding and more, so it was always going to be a question of what next

I'm only waiting for someone to suggest guests chip in for the clothes, because "they'll enjoy the spectacle"

YANBU
I think it can work in some cases - but not in the situation you describe!
Me and my family paid for our own dinners when my sister got married, but it was all by previous arrangement- a gift from us collectively as a family on top of the (reasonably priced) wedding gifts. This was part of a relaxed registry wedding that was more like a fun day for the family - not a big thing.
I think if you’re going to do all the bells and whistles it’s unreasonable to expect others to pay for it.

Reading with intrigue

Anyone who thinks this is OK would be a nightmare client – run for the hills! Like tends to attract like too, so the guests might be less than delightful too - especially when faced with a surprise card reader!

IMO, If it's your party, you pay for food and at least a decent few rounds for everyone. Simple. If you can't afford it, save 'til you can, or do something cheap/free like a bring-a-dish potluck picnic.

I can think of friends whose weddings I would have happily paid for food truck food, as they have a seriously tight budget day to day, let alone for any kind of party and I'd have thought it a small price to pay to be with them!

I suspect that many, though, are couples paying a fortune for venue hire, dress, hair, make up, honeymoon etc. and I would take a dim view of paying for my meal in that scenario.

And I agree with you, OP, that it would be a poor business decision to take these weddings on - there are bound to be loads who won't want to pay!