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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brides & Grooms expecting wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

209 replies

ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy · 22/04/2022 09:50

I run a wedding catering company - based on a food truck and catering to the less formal weddings. I'm now seeing a trend where brides and grooms are emailing me and are telling me that they expect the guests to pay for the dinner themselves on the day 😮

I'm turning down these events as a matter of policy - largely because I think it is the most cheapskate move ever. But also because I could arrive and find they have 50 guests, 5 food trucks and half of them have brought a picnic instead, and I lose money.

AIBU to think most guests would baulk if I presented a card reader for their dinner at a wedding?

OP posts:
OctopusSay · 22/04/2022 11:49

If you can't afford the wedding you want you really need to change your expectations, just like if you can't afford the car/house/holiday you'd really like.

Have a dozen friends in the pub or go for a picnic, ask people to bring something instead of a present. TBH those really pared down weddings are often better anyway.

If people can see the whole thing's been done on a budget, they'll be more than happy to support the couple, but when ££££ has been spent on a fancy venue, cars, dress etc but you can't buy your guests a meal...?

Badger1970 · 22/04/2022 11:49

I actually prefer the idea of food trucks, to a bland boring deep fried buffet in a venue. I would also happily pay, but it's not fair on the suppliers to rely on this.

As a business owner myself, you don't take on jobs where you're taking a chance.

Supersimkin2 · 22/04/2022 11:52

Not many people will
bring wallets, cards etc. and certainly not enough cash to pay for big meals, every drink and glass of water, coffee, etc..

B&G have to warn guests on the invitation that there’s no hospitality on offer.

Dixiechickonhols · 22/04/2022 11:53

Cash bars are different as I’ve never been to a wedding with paid bar it’s not just something I’d ever expect. I’ve never been to a wedding where food wasn’t provided.
Weddings were much more modest. I’m onIy in my 40s and thinking about what we/peers had - we had diy buffet at home. Pie & peas supper used to be popular for cheap catering - rugby club/celidh/pie & peas. Cricket club - diy buffet. Register office and meal at a pub. All still married fwiw.

Sandra2010 · 22/04/2022 11:53

This seems to be a thing in the US, but I wouldn't just ask guests to pay for their own meal. There are ways to have a cost effective wedding and still have a great day - in hot countries they often get married in the early evening as it's cooler but it also occurred to me that then there's only a single celebration to worry about, and you can definitely just have a buffet. As caterer, I think asking for a minimum spend in return for your maximum effort and outgoings is essential.

Yoohoo778611 · 22/04/2022 11:53

I help run a social club and we charge £150 room hire for the whole day.
Are drink prices are reasonable. The Bride and Groom arrange their own catering.
This can be a cheap or expensive as they like.
The DJ normally charges £150.
It might not be the most picturesque place in the world but we are booked up for the
rest of summer all the way until October. We have a church about 200 metres away
where most get married.
Each and every wedding we have held everyone is happy. Getting the most amazing reviews.
This proves that you don't have to spend a fortune to get married.

OctopusSay · 22/04/2022 11:56

Whatsmyname100 · 22/04/2022 11:48

@Hadalifeonce

Why do people seem to insist on having weddings they can't afford?
I would immediately turn down one where I'm expected to pay /bring a dish. It costs me time and money to attend the event. And now expected to pay to attend. They can bugger off.

I wouldn't mind at all bringing a dish or even a bottle to a church hall/picnic type wedding, especially if they'd suggested that in place of a gift. I'd be quite put out if every other aspect of the wedding was extravagant though.

OctopusSay · 22/04/2022 11:57

OctopusSay · 22/04/2022 11:56

I wouldn't mind at all bringing a dish or even a bottle to a church hall/picnic type wedding, especially if they'd suggested that in place of a gift. I'd be quite put out if every other aspect of the wedding was extravagant though.

Show quote history

This is exactly what I meant when I suggested a working men's club on the other thread - which of course aren't really called that anymore.

AllOfUsAreDead · 22/04/2022 11:59

This is just wrong. You shouldn't have your guests paying for food.

If you can't afford to have 100+ people at your wedding or even 30+ people, then you don't have them. Simple as that. A marriage should be based on more than a 'perfect' day for a wedding. Bet those brides and grooms will be nit picking about chair covers and all other kinds of bullshit, but won't feed their guests.

You have a wedding based on what you can afford. Not based on what you've seen on Instagram, but expecting it all for free. Feed your guests and have a good time, all the other nonsense like favours, chair covers, napkins etc is crap no one will remember or care about.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/04/2022 12:00

I wonder if those people who would do this, or those defending it saying, ‘oh, that’s fine-poor things, they can’t afford it, so why should they have to go without for their special day’, still think that the bride and groom should receive gifts/money on top as a present?

Neverreturntoathread · 22/04/2022 12:03

Yanbu.

If the bride and groom want guests tonoay they need to pay you up front and then they collect the money from guests. You’re a caterer not a restaurant, they can’t transfer to you the risks of leftover food etc when that isn’t the service your provide.

Plus, as you say, it’s cheapskate as hell. Can’t afford a catered wedding? Don’t have one. Do registry office followed by bring your own picnic in vilage hall / playing field. What the bride and grooms are trying to do here is achieve the look and feel of a posh wedding without paying for it. Pah.

toastofthetown · 22/04/2022 12:08

Shinyandnew1 · 22/04/2022 12:00

I wonder if those people who would do this, or those defending it saying, ‘oh, that’s fine-poor things, they can’t afford it, so why should they have to go without for their special day’, still think that the bride and groom should receive gifts/money on top as a present?

I have the same view on wedding gifts for every wedding: the giver should give what they are happy and comfortable to give. The recipient should be grateful for any and all gifts, without expectations of receiving them.

cookiemonster2468 · 22/04/2022 12:11

It's about communication really. I would be OK with it as long as they were up front about it and also offer the option for guest to bring a picnic or something if they prefer.

Generally you'd expect the food at a wedding to be provided so I would be a bit annoyed if I hadn't been told in advance.

As you say, it's not great business for you as a caterer so I'm not surprised you're turning them down. But I can understand peope wanting to have a nice wedding, it is getting harder and harder to afford these things and if guests are happy to pay then it's fine.

ilaandm · 22/04/2022 12:20

You're not unreasonable, and these sound like the kind of "clients" who think they're doing you a favour allowing you to trade at their wedding

Yup. I'm a church organist and the number of clients who think they are doing me a favour by allowing me to play at their wedding is unbelievable. They don't want to pay the amount I charge and some expect it for free because they are giving me "exposure" by "allowing" me to play at their wedding and therefore I'd supposedly get more business somehow. Nope.
I state my basic price (which is fair for the area we live in) and then on top of that, if they have a singer or musician who requires accompaniment they are charged extra for each rehearsal - number of rehearsals agreed in advance.
If they don't want to pay the amount I have quoted then they are free to go elsewhere and choose someone else to play.

DressingGownofDoom · 22/04/2022 12:21

@OctopusSay

I wouldn't mind at all bringing a dish or even a bottle to a church hall/picnic type wedding, especially if they'd suggested that in place of a gift. I'd be quite put out if every other aspect of the wedding was extravagant though.
Yeah if it were something modest, close to home then I wouldn't really mind. If they bride and groom expected friends and family to pay a fortune for an elaborate hen do weekend and travel for miles to the wedding venue and wanted gifts on top and then wanted us to pay for our own dinner they could FOTTFSOF tbh.
SunnydaleHSAlumna · 22/04/2022 12:21

I think it's beyond tacky and awful to expect guests to pay for their own food at your wedding.

My DSis couldn't afford a lot, so she had her reception in the function room at a more local type of pub with a reasonable buffet price per head. Her wedding was fun and lovely and just as nice as the more expensive ones I've been to.

ilaandm · 22/04/2022 12:22

Even I've had to decline 7 out of the last 11 enquiries for this year due to lack of availability

Good for you OP. Stick to your business model and turn down anything which doesn't suit as you're obviously doing well.

DressingGownofDoom · 22/04/2022 12:22

Ffs. The talk update that cuts off half your replies can fuck off too.

stopthepain · 22/04/2022 12:22

If you can’t afford to pay for everyone to have a decent meal then slash your guest list in half! This is like that trend in the US where the bride forces her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (which they’re not allowed to choose).

Dixiechickonhols · 22/04/2022 12:22

I’d be surprised to revive an invite saying please join us to celebrate…food will not be provided but will be available to buy from x see attached menus.
If you are making guest pay for food then it’s bad taste to have spent money on frippery - couldn’t spend £10 a head on a buffet but had a balloon arch/flower wall/£2000 dress etc.

Echobelly · 22/04/2022 12:27

I can understand people doing it if it's only very close friends and family and they're keeping the budget down, and guests may be OK with helping them if well communicated, as others have said. But certainly if people want to invite more than that, they need to be prepared to pay up.

Thatswhyimacat · 22/04/2022 12:28

All these suggestions of a pot luck wedding - I'm sorry but I'd much rather pay for my food truck meal than have to cook and lug along a Pyrex and then eat whatever random food Auntie Pat who may or may not have washed her hands has brought along.

WhatNoRaisins · 22/04/2022 12:30

Potluck might not be so bad if it's something small and local with people who cook for each other anyway.

I agree I wouldn't facing sitting with a pyrex dish on my lap on the motorway and it's anyone's guess how you'd store that much food until the meal.

3timeslucky · 22/04/2022 12:30

If a bride & groom want guests to pay for their own meal then they should be collecting the money in advance of the wedding. Your contract is with the bride and groom. Where/how they get the money is nothing to do with you.

JudgeRindersMinder · 22/04/2022 12:31

I bet the brides absnd grooms who pull this kind of thing will have spent £££ on all manner of shite ‘for the grams. It’ll all be flower walls, donut walls and sweet carts!