Brides & Grooms expecting wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

[ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy]

I run a wedding catering company - based on a food truck and catering to the less formal weddings. I'm now seeing a trend where brides and grooms are emailing me and are telling me that they expect the guests to pay for the dinner themselves on the day 😮

I'm turning down these events as a matter of policy - largely because I think it is the most cheapskate move ever. But also because I could arrive and find they have 50 guests, 5 food trucks and half of them have brought a picnic instead, and I lose money.

AIBU to think most guests would baulk if I presented a card reader for their dinner at a wedding?

If people are aware ( and the bride and groom don't have a gift list because they can't afford to provide food in return ) I think it's fine

And just how high do you think the chances are that people making this choice will forgo the chance of all that lovely dosh, probably with some comment about "Well everyone was asking so we asked for money to make it easier for them"?

Sorry, but no - its absolutely not ok to try and make guests pay for their food at YOUR wedding.

If you cannot afford to feed that many people then you save for longer or cut down your guestlist.

So entitled!

There seems to be a growing trend for this kind of thing, the couple want a lavish wedding but they are either unable or unwilling to pick up the 'tab', recently I found a young woman I work with in tears, when I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong, she told be her best friend had announced that her wedding was going to take place in a castle in Italy and she wanted her to be the bridesmaid, however, she was told that there was no budget for flight and accommodation and she would also be expected to pay for her own bridesmaid outfit, which would be chosen by the bride !

She was devastated as she simply didn't have the resources to cover these expenses and I told her she shouldn't feel obliged to either, but she kept repeating "but she's my friend", I pointed out "if she was your friend she wouldn't put you in this position".

Excellent advice you gave to your colleague.

Ultimately if they want to charge guests that's up to them, but I'd be insisting if I had a catering business that I was still paid x amount for my services as usual and they would have suit payment etc their end. I have been to a wedding where we paid for food, but it was after the service so people who didn't want to didn't have to attend of course. I didn't mind but it was made very clear beforehand and there was no pressure.

Definitely noticed that tiny no frills weddings seem to last the distance!
Big flashy ones with foreign destinations seem not to last more than a few years.

OMG @Starlight86! 😲😲😲

That is absolutely shocking!

I agree with all your reasons. You are a business and it doesn’t work for you. It would you be dealing with fall out on day.
If they haven’t told guests the guests will order you say that’s £10 and they are gobsmacked. Some in queue won’t have brought money (wallet in jacket on chair or purse in hotel room) or will have offered to get food for elderly relatives to save them queuing. When word gets around its paid people will order less. Depending on location people may opt to order takeaway or pop out for food instead. If they know in advance then lots won’t order. Its a very different set up to catering a wedding for 50 and providing 50 wood fired pizzas and getting paid for 50 by bride & groom for example. You might only sell 25 as some will now share, some may order a dominos instead - bright spark at table says we can get 2 massive ones for £20 for all 6 of us delivered you fancy that instead, some will pass on principle or due to not having money.
If you can’t pay for catering then Jacob’s join or diy buffet in church hall/village hall/wmc.
I’m from a wc background and all weddings I went to as a child were like this. We had diy buffet at home after our wedding (mil and I did it) and it was nice, no regrets and everyone seemed happy.

Sounds shit. I don't see why people have to have such lavish weddings - save the money for something once you're married!

It's bad enough as it is, but to then plan the lavish wedding AND get the guests to pay?? Sorry, but no.

If you have plenty of work so turning this down doesn't affect you too much, I'd turn it down.

Otherwise, get them to pay a deposit (i.e. the fee you'd normally charge them) and the takings you get from the guests on the day will be issued to them as a refund. If you don't take enough, they don't get a refund.

It sounds dodgy as fuck though. I can't imagine going to a wedding and having to pay for the meal!

It's tacky and cheap. Some people have no shame.

People being expected to pay for their own food at a wedding is so cheap and tacky I can’t believe anyone has the gall to actually do it.

Youre right OP, maintain your reputation and don’t start charging guests at weddings.

If couples getting married are on a tight budget and still want a party, then that’s what the Iceland buffet is for.

Yeah I agree

The OP is reasonable to turn down the job, for all the reasons she said

But I don't think the couple are automatically evil for doing this. If they're paying for the venue, drinks and music, for example, I wouldn't mind buying something from a food truck (as long as it's not crazy expensive)

I would rather they did that then have such a small wedding that none of us could celebrate with them

Ridiculous to expect guests to pay when you have no idea whose been told how many etc

for the pp saying dont they deserve to have a wedding

Yes at the local registry office and then maybe a returant or cater themselves like my sister is doing

If you have enough other business then turn them down.
If you're struggling for business you could go ahead with something like this but have strict terms and conditions in place - ie. you're the only food truck, minimum spend, some kind of deposit perhaps.
It does sound like an absolute pain in the arse though.

Lots of people are hard up at the moment and I think there will be a lot of wedding guests who would buy as little as possible from the food truck if they had to pay for the food themselves. I certainly would as I don't have money to splash around. And I'm not saying this would be the case for you, but I can imagine that some caterers charge inflated prices for things like this as they have a captive audience.

I'm just glad I'm of an age where none of my friends and relatives are getting married any more.

No, but you don’t ask guests to pay for their own food when they’ve already stumped up for stag and hen doos, hotels, outfits, perhaps babysitting, booze, and a gift. Making guests pay for their own food as well is taking the piss. If you’re on a tight budget you can do the catering yourself - sausage rolls, sandwiches - cake - in someone’s back garden, not make guests fork out even more money.

You're not unreasonable, and these sound like the kind of "clients" who think they're doing you a favour allowing you to trade at their wedding.
You'd make more money just setting up in a layby.

If you have enough other business then turn them down.

I don't think many wedding caterers are struggling for business this year. With two years of postponed weddings mostly crammed into 2022, along with the other weddings you'd normally expect to have in 2022, the challenge is fitting them all in.

We started trading a matter of months before lockdown, so we didn't have a full year of bookings to postpone. Even I've had to decline 7 out of the last 11 enquiries for this year due to lack of availability. We do do public events as well though (and often make more money at a public event, despite people thinking that weddings are just a cash cow).

Why is it okay to have a paid bar at a wedding, where guests have to buy their own drinks, but not okay to ask them to pay for food?

It's food truck food, we're not talking about 100/head presumably.

I'd ask for exclusive rights to the catering at their wedding and ask for a substantial deposit from them, refundable after the event on condition your profit targets have been met...IF I took it on at all

If I went to a wedding and I was asked to pay for the food, without prior warning, I'd just leave.

It's not something i'd do myself, but I actually prefer the food truck style wedding food and having a choice, so on that basis i'd probably prefer to pay and get something i'd like to eat.

So much in-house wedding food is bland, basic and overpriced rubbish. I'd be resentful of paying over the odds for a portion of "champagne chicken" and boiled carrots, but would be fine with paying for a decent food truck meal.

I would baulk if it hadn’t been mentioned on the original invitation. The first one not the follow up with the naff theme details etc. There would need to be a menu with prices, too.

Some literally cannot afford to throw a party and feed their guests as well. In that case. They might not have the space at home or a family member's home to host. In that case I'd rather pay for my meal and celebrate with my friend, either at a restaurant or from a food truck like the OP, than not not. As long as the information is upfront then people can can that decision for themselves.

I'd argue that it's not enough for the information to be given up front, it needs to be managed up front. If guests are going to be asked to pay for their own food then they need to confirm numbers and ask for the guests choosing food to pay at least a deposit up front with the back up that the wedding couple will pay for any losses. It's not fair that a caterer has to bring enough food in case everyone wants it and yet would have to absorb the cost of it being wasted if everyone decides to have lunch first/leave early/bring their own.

It would seem rather unlikely that someone who can afford to get married absolutely cannot afford even a free-to-hire function room and a bit of food and/or has absolutely no-one of their acquaintance who could host a few people?

I'd be interested to know what does happen in situations like this. If people know in advance, do they (some) bring a sandwich/eat before and if they don't do they leave for McDonald's or a supermarket?

Or do people largely just smile and pay?

@Hadalifeonce

Why do people seem to insist on having weddings they can't afford?

I would immediately turn down one where I'm expected to pay /bring a dish. It costs me time and money to attend the event. And now expected to pay to attend. They can bugger off.