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AIBU?

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Original poster

Brides & Grooms expecting wedding guests to pay for their own dinner

209 replies

ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy · 22/04/2022 09:50

I run a wedding catering company - based on a food truck and catering to the less formal weddings. I'm now seeing a trend where brides and grooms are emailing me and are telling me that they expect the guests to pay for the dinner themselves on the day 😮

I'm turning down these events as a matter of policy - largely because I think it is the most cheapskate move ever. But also because I could arrive and find they have 50 guests, 5 food trucks and half of them have brought a picnic instead, and I lose money.

AIBU to think most guests would baulk if I presented a card reader for their dinner at a wedding?

OP posts:
Original poster
ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy · 22/04/2022 10:27

ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 09:59

If guests are happy to attend on that basis then I'm sure a caterer can find some way to make it work.

It's not anyone's fault if the bride & groom can't afford to feed people.

Trouble is that
a) we don't know if the guests have been told in advance
b) if they have been told in advance they may just bring a picnic instead, or eat a big lunch before arriving and leave early
c) we have to provide enough portions for every guests - as there will be hell to pay if we don't have enough portions for everyone - and no way of telling if they will all be sold. This is different to a food festival where you can just stick up a "sold out" sign. Anything that isn't sold will end up in the bin unless we have another event the next day (far from guaranteed). It's not hard to see how we could end up losing money if food isn't bought.

Yes we could put in place a minimum spend but it wouldn't be far off the total amount we'd normally charge the bride and groom anyway, and it still feels a bit tacky.

As a business owner myself I wouldn't turn down a client based on assumptions. Plus the wedding industry is competitive if word gets around you refuse to attend weddings then people will stop calling you.

It's hardly based on assumptions - it's based on what they've told me. We just tell people that we're already booked on that day. Impossible to refute and completely inoffensive.

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 22/04/2022 10:28

Suprima · 22/04/2022 10:18

Incredibly tacky

Go get married in a registry office and have a small dinner afterwards if you can’t afford to host people

if they are booking you, then they are also booking a venue, a ceremony and all of the other trappings. Terrible form to use your guests to save costs like this.

Or they could be having a low budget reception in a family member's field, with alcohol bulk purchased. There are many options which involve hiring a food truck which don't involve a licensed venue. Many expensive venues wouldn't allow external caterers, or would have an approved list at the least.

mudgetastic · 22/04/2022 10:29

So if you are strapped for cash you can't afford to host you are not entitled to celebrate your special day with friends and party ?

Because of some arbitrary rules and conventions around "hosting "

If people are aware ( and the bride and groom don't have a gift list because they can't afford to provide food in return ) I think it's fine

Although asking for a guaranteed income for your time and effort is also fine

Crudger · 22/04/2022 10:32

No no no, how awful! My friends had a £1000 budget so they blew most of it on the food catering and hired a village hall with a (v cheap) paid bar, asked guests known for baking to bring a cake instead of a present, brides dress was cheap and bridesmaids dresses bought in the sale etc… it was the most fun wedding I’ve ever been to.

Also, to me, the wedding celebration (rather than the wedding itself) is about saying thank you to your friends and family for always being there for you. Not for them to turn up, pay for themselves and look good in your photos. Give them some bloody good food and drink for gods sake!!

HairyMuttttt · 22/04/2022 10:34

they would be better asking a chip van or a pizza van to visit if they really wanted guests to buy their own on site. It’s different for a small catering company though, with the possibility of getting specific food items in, preparing them solely for one event only not to cover costs.

ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 10:34

You're obviously not the right caterer for for job OP, no big deal?

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/04/2022 10:35

If the couple can’t afford a big wedding with a food truck themselves, they shouldn’t have one.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 22/04/2022 10:36

YANBU. If I were a guest and knew in advance I’d bring a picnic.

ive been to weddings where you each got a token for any pizza from a van, and could buy more/extras if you wanted. That seems fine to me.

saleorbouy · 22/04/2022 10:37

If you're going make "guests" pay then what's the point of having a wedding. Just invite the number of guests you can afford.
I'd not be impressed paying for my own dinner as an invited guest.

TheChurchOfEli · 22/04/2022 10:38

I recently attended a wedding like this. It was a shambles tbh. The bride was an hour late. The diy drinks included beer, cider and that was it. One bottle of lemonade was being brought out at a time but gone instantly. No water or tea or coffee and no where to even buy them from. No food was being served until 7pm (which was paid for by bride and groom) but we had been there since 1130am. We went to the food van who had closed due to too many orders / capacity issues. People have even drove into the town to buy pizza and bring it back. We left about 530 as was far too hungry and thirsty to stay longer.

we’re getting married next year and I’d be genuinely embarrassed if this happened. We’ve spent a lot on food and drinks. Look after your guest!

Clymene · 22/04/2022 10:38

Right - I can totally see why that wouldn't work. Hasn't thought about the logistical issues! I think your approach is correct and hopefully the trend will die out soon.

@mudgetastic - if you can't afford a big wedding, don't have one. Have a registry office ceremony and invite people to the pub afterwards. Then at least it's transparent. The OP is worried about the lack of transparency as much as the stinginess.

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 22/04/2022 10:39

Tighter than a duck's arsehole.

Forever more they'd be known as 'James and Sophie who made their wedding guests pay for their own dinner. The cheek'. Even 40 years later.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/04/2022 10:40

if you are strapped for cash, you get married in a registry office and do a buffet for a small number of people in a church hall or your house. It sounds like they want the glamour of a big do but not the price tag!!

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 22/04/2022 10:41

mudgetastic · 22/04/2022 10:29

So if you are strapped for cash you can't afford to host you are not entitled to celebrate your special day with friends and party ?

Because of some arbitrary rules and conventions around "hosting "

If people are aware ( and the bride and groom don't have a gift list because they can't afford to provide food in return ) I think it's fine

Although asking for a guaranteed income for your time and effort is also fine

No, if you’re strapped for cash you should scale it down and not assume that your friends can afford expensive meal either.

either have open discussion with guests beforehand “we’d love you to come but for a fancy meal it’ll cost xyz”

Or arrange a bring and share. I’ve had a couple friends do this and it was lovely. Everyone brings a platter, hire a village hall, B&b provide a few key bits. Lovely day.

It's not ok to spring it on the guests on the day. If I was presented with £100+ bill for food on the day I think I’d cry.

CharityShopChic · 22/04/2022 10:42

Unless it is made CRYSTAL clear beforehand - and not by way of a twee little poem - I agree. Totally unacceptable.

And the risk to you as a caterer that if the guests aren't aware, they refuse to pay, there's an almighty scene, and you are seriously out of pocket.

ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 10:43

A food truck isn't an expensive meal.

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 22/04/2022 10:45

mudgetastic · 22/04/2022 10:29

So if you are strapped for cash you can't afford to host you are not entitled to celebrate your special day with friends and party ?

Because of some arbitrary rules and conventions around "hosting "

If people are aware ( and the bride and groom don't have a gift list because they can't afford to provide food in return ) I think it's fine

Although asking for a guaranteed income for your time and effort is also fine

You cut your coat according to your cloth. Have the party you can actually afford rather than the one you feel entitled to.

Blossomtoes · 22/04/2022 10:45

ThreeLittleDots · 22/04/2022 09:59

If guests are happy to attend on that basis then I'm sure a caterer can find some way to make it work.

It's not anyone's fault if the bride & groom can't afford to feed people.

If they can’t afford to feed people they should just nip off to the registry office and ask two strangers to be witnesses. This is beyond cheeky.

JustJam4Tea · 22/04/2022 10:48

no, if it was a small wedding where couldn't afford to host - you'd wouldn't have food trucks like a festival. That's not on. You might communicate to people there's a cafe or fish and chip shop or pub to eat at while you are having photos taken. But really,.. that would be unusual.

toastofthetown · 22/04/2022 10:48

Crudger · 22/04/2022 10:32

No no no, how awful! My friends had a £1000 budget so they blew most of it on the food catering and hired a village hall with a (v cheap) paid bar, asked guests known for baking to bring a cake instead of a present, brides dress was cheap and bridesmaids dresses bought in the sale etc… it was the most fun wedding I’ve ever been to.

Also, to me, the wedding celebration (rather than the wedding itself) is about saying thank you to your friends and family for always being there for you. Not for them to turn up, pay for themselves and look good in your photos. Give them some bloody good food and drink for gods sake!!

That's a very cheap village hall hire. My local (completely unspectacular, standard 1970s) village hall's current rates are £900 to hire plus a £100 damages deposit. That doesn't leave anything, much less most of it for catering with a £1000 budget.

Some literally cannot afford to throw a party and feed their guests as well. In that case. They might not have the space at home or a family member's home to host. In that case I'd rather pay for my meal and celebrate with my friend, either at a restaurant or from a food truck like the OP, than not not. As long as the information is upfront then people can can that decision for themselves.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 22/04/2022 10:49

Noglassjustthebottleandastraw · 22/04/2022 10:07

I agree its tacky to expect your guests to pay for food. As a side note op, could you not ask if you will be the only food provider? Have a contract where it's only you exclusively providing the food? Take a minimum food order/deposit?

As a business owner myself I wouldn't turn down a client based on assumptions. Plus the wedding industry is competitive if word gets around you refuse to attend weddings then people will stop calling you.

Lots of luck 💐

As a business owner surely you understand that you don’t always take every job that is out there.

Everyone knows that the wedding industry covers everything from very small budgets to massive budgets. There are very few businesses that can cater to all budgets. Most will have their niche where they operate and can be successful and earn a decent wage. That sometimes means there are jobs that you can’t take on because the profit isn’t there, or there’s too high a risk of losing money. That’s fine. Every business is different.

Thunderpunt · 22/04/2022 10:49

You're absolutely right to turn it down. It makes no business sense unless there is a guaranteed minimum spend.
The wastage could be huge, the not having enough could lead to terrible reviews - all in all - not worth it. However competitive the wedding industry may be, no successful catering company would take that on. (Or if they did, they'd probably only do 2 or 3 functions before realising the cost implications)

CharityShopChic · 22/04/2022 10:49

Agree with the "bring and share" being a great idea - I was at a wedding in Germany with a cake buffet, lots of friends of the bride and groom had made incredible gateaux and cakes and all sorts of desserts and they were all put on a table to help yourselves. It was AMAZING. Also seems to be normal in Germany to give hampers and gifts of food to the couple, which wouldn't happen here but makes a lot of sense too.

Although the high % of people on MN who turn their noses up at anything homemade would be horrified.

Starlight86 · 22/04/2022 10:53

Disgraceful

We were invited to a wedding abroad one, Cyprus.

We went and obviously covered all the costs ourselves, stayed in a different hotel to the bride and groom as per their request etc etc.

What shocked me beyond belief is that when we arrived to their hotel for their wedding and we had to pay 50 Euros each for an all inclusive wrist band to eat our dinner!!!!! No prior warning from the bride and groom.

I was absolutely outraged that after their entire squad of family and friends payed thousands to see them get married and they didn't have the courtesy to cover our all inclusive wrist bands.

Original poster
ohwhyohwhyohwhyohwhy · 22/04/2022 10:54

Although the high % of people on MN who turn their noses up at anything homemade would be horrified.

I bet they have no clue that a very high proportion of professional wedding cake makers are working out of their own domestic kitchens, as are most of the traders at your local farmers market, most street food traders use their domestic kitchens to store, prep and wash up....

Of course, there are strict rules around these things when you're doing it for the paying public (registration, inspections, insurance, paperwork, cleanliness etc) but there is far more 'homemade' food being sold to the public than people realise.

OP posts: