Rehoming cat as DH hates him?

[Terribleguiltovercat]

I had the cat when I met DH which was a few years ago and DH just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

We have a young child or I would rethink the whole relationship tbh. But I can’t live like this.

If you think you’d end it with DH if it wasn’t for your child, then I think you should look at ending it. Firstly life is to short to be with someone who makes you unhappy, but also are you sure he isn’t complaining about the cat to upset you? If it wasn’t the cat it would be something else.

@QuebecBagnet

the Main thing I really love my dh for is that even though he proclaims not to really be an animal person he has never complained about the various animals I’ve acquired. Not the dog which growled and bit him every day for years, not the cat which wakes us up 3x a night yowling his head off, not when the dog shits in the front room, not the elderly incontinent cat who peed on the dining room carpet every day for six months. Never said a word. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals.

Why on earth would you have a dog that growls snd bites the person you love? All I csn tell from this is that you couldn't care less about your partner, your wants come first.

@RedHelenB stop being so sanctimonious and judgemental. You know nothing about the situation. Dh wasn’t in danger, the dog weighed 4kg and couldn’t get his teeth through dh’s jeans. You’ll be pleased to know dog was eventually pts due to his aggression but I spent a considerable amount of time working with dog behaviourists first as I didn’t want to just kill the dog without trying everything.

What does your cat actually do?

Being a normal cat and hes just complaining because he's not a cat person I'd tell him to shut the fuck up complaining.

Pissing all over his clothes every day or something, I'd have sympathy.

Honestly my concern isn't really with you or him. I don't like the idea of rehoming animals for nothing but with that being said if the house is tense and there is an atmosphere because of this then for the cats sake, maybe it would be a good thing.

I guess it's how much your husband shows this "hate". Is it still a nice peaceful home for your cat? Or is it stressful for him? If the latter then I'd re-home him for his sake but I wouldn't feel good about it and it would cause some problems for me and my husband who I'd feel had left me no option but to re-home a pet I'd had before him and who I wanted because he had made the poor things home unsuitable for him.

I get it's not easy to bin off a husband with a baby over a cat. But I also wouldn't just brush it off either if I did re-home because of my husband. I'd do it for the cat if necessary but things would not be peachy between me and my husband.

You would leave your ‘H’ because he complains about your cat, if you didn’t have kids?! You can’t live him much, surely. 🤔

We don't even know what the cat is actually doing wrong. He could just be a normal cat and her husband doesn't particularly like cats.

If that's the case then how much can he really love OP if he'd let her get rid of a cat she wants and had had before she met him just because he's not much of a cat person and can't get over it so his wife can keep her pet which pre dates him.

OBVIOUSLY pets are not the same as humans but I would expect my husband to accept any pets I had prior to him in the same way I'd expect him to accept any children I had. Okay not quite the same but in the sense that yes I'd expect him to accept they are around and they aren't going anywhere.

I love my dog, he got me through some really hard times in the past. He's a member of my family and I don't care how much I love my husband I'd not get rid of my dog for him just because he decided AFTER HE MARRIED ME that he didn't like dogs.

Anyone who can sit and watch someone they 'love' get rid of a pet they had before they were on the scene and that they don't want to get rid of just because they can't get over themselves and stop complaining about it can't be that nice of a person imo.

But as I say above, for the cats sake if the home is not peaceful for the poor thing then I would. But I'd be very angry at my husband and yes it would cause friction. Not just over a cat but over the whole thing and what it shows me.

A good husband may well be of more importance than a cat, but an annoying whinging bloke who hated cats wouldnt have even got to husband status here.

I agree with everyone who's said to get rid of the husband. You had the cat before you met him, married him and had a kid. Why would you even consider rehoming the cat after all those years? Your husband is an ignorant moron. Cats don't kill or injure children (although of course, they will defend themselves when teased/hurt). Only rehome the cat IF the cat is unhappy living at your house with that miserable twat

So this post has evoked a lot of strong feelings which I knew it would but please understand I was very much at the end of my tether yesterday. We had a longish car journey and I had so many comments about or relating to the cat - I’ve googled this disease, I’ve heard cats do this etc that I was so fed up and so worn down with it.

re ending the marriage over the cat - if we didn’t have a child then it would be a possibility. Not so much because of the cat but because what I’ve come to realise is that there’s no room for compromise in this relationship. DH has a couple of hobbies that negatively impact on my life but they make him happy so I let him get on with it.

However we do have a child so I am trying to make the best of it.

thanke for replying.

If you are doing all the compromising and he never does, then you have a bigger problem. I would start wresting back some power by keeping the cat.

If you get rid of the cat, I’d bet good money that he would find something else to complain about. He doesn’t need to tell you to get rid of your cat because he’s intent on wearing you down to the point where it would be ‘your decision’ to get rid of your cat. I can understand why you would try to make it work but you can’t on your own and the constant entitled selfishness will make you miserable. You’re in this position partly because you’re waiting for him to be someone he isn’t.

That's sounds abusive. Doesn't it?

'We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals," opined Kant, an 18th century German philosopher. How do you know that when you get rid of your cat he won't find something else to be bothered about? Your child? Your friends? Your job? You? How do you know?

I sometimes think people overlook stuff when they fall in love and don’t really look at the long term implication. Pets, habits, hobbies, children with other partners. Looks like that is what happened here, really if he hated cats that much he should not have dated you. But most people let their hormones run free.

yes, rehome DH, cat was there first

You sound so sad and resigned in your update, OP. I understand you want to keep things going for your child but it seems that the cat issue is a symptom of a wider problem. You should not be the only person expected to make compromises.

You should tell him how unhappy you are and that the only thing keeping you in the marriage is a sense of duty towards your child. It might shock him into looking at the reality of your relationship. I would suggest marriage counselling.

there’s no room for compromise in this relationship. DH has a couple of hobbies that negatively impact on my life but they make him happy so I let him get on with it

Your cat, or his constant carping about your cat, sound like the tip of the iceberg. You're seriously planning to be a doormat to this selfish twat for the next 15/20 years?
great role model for your child

H just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

Definitely an argument in favour of rehoming H. What did he expect when he had a child with a woman who owned a cat?

Constantly complaining is so not an efficient or effective strategy about something you do not like. The fact that he is choosing this way of making his feelings known suggests he thinks his preferences should outrank yours

That's really not ok. If he can't see that, what is the rest of your life going to be like?

youve Said you’ve talked about it before and he’s improved for a few days but then goes back to the old behaviour, so is he really not prepared to compromise or just a bit too relaxed around you so falls back into complaining about something he hates too easily?

Would it work to have a conversation where you point out how you pt up with his hobbies for him without constantly whining and you expect the same from him and then, when he falls back into moaning about the cat, you counter with a comment about putting up with it without complaint because he loves you just like you do for him about X and Y. Every single time. Until the habit breaks.

I think it’s somewhat unattractive to have to train a grown man in being considerate. But since you have a kid it may be worth it.

Honestly my DH is not an animal person but I am and he happily puts up with mine and the DC's reptiles , cats , dogs and chickens because he knows that I spent a lot of my childhood around animals on my grandparents small holding so to me a home without pets would be unthinkable. He knew this when he married me. Honestly I would get rid the DH .

Surely your child (and possibly you?) would rather have your dh than the cat. Does the cat really bring more to the house than the dh? If not, then all those comments saying to 'rehome the dh' are not well thought through.
I would love to rehome our cats so I have some understanding of your dh. I hate living with animals but I put up with them because my dh and kids seem to like them. But really, if he doesn't enjoy living with an animal you described as old and smelly, maybe that's understandable.
However, you need to talk to him about how he puts his feelings across. I haven't read every comment but it sounds like you have other things to work on. Good luck.

He knew you had a cat when he got involved with you.

Too late for bullying and bellyaching now.

Dirty Nappies will be challenging no doubt. Also, not saying outright the cat needs to go, but rather constantly hinting and needling are the same thing only one is honest one is cowardly insidious. Feel sorry for the cat.

Yes absolutely! Definitely get 'rid' of your children's father so you can play farm with your animals and fuck everything else.

As if you'd really lose an income and a partner for some lizards and other mutts.

I find it concerning that a grown man can hate an animal so much. I can understand he doesn't love the cat but how annoyed can he be? Cats are pretty low maintenance animals.

Hello! It's my first message on here so apologies if I get it wrong - This chain really reinforces all the reasons I'm in such turmoil! I'm a huge pet lover and have always had pets - I'm more of a dog lover, my partner is more of a cat lover - he bought a cat very impulsively before Christmas last year (was having to isolate with covid) and picked a beautiful kitten who was available that day nearby, not doing any research into what a bengal cat would be like as an indoor cat. We don't live together so when I'm not there the cat sleeps in the bed with him. My LO adores the cat, despite being shredded to death by him every time they are together (totally expected, she has no concept of him needing space). I've really, really struggled with the cat - he's territorial, his miaowing is constant when my partner closes a door on him and the nights - I now dread sleepovers with them. He pounces on me at any point, especially in the night and will not stop until I leave the bed (when the door is closed it's like a game to make noise and run at the door most of the night - I'm a single mother with one night off a week, so sleep is sacred and not happening!), he sprays on my stuff, when he's sick he seems to aim for my stuff - I can imagine what a threat I am to his perfect world with my partner, but I think the cat is quite miserable and hate that it's an indoor cat, but that won't be changing for now - I see how unhappy my partner is at times, but he also loves the cat and clearly feels such guilt about choosing to have a cat and it not being the dream scenario he hoped for - I'm also now realising how incredibly unhappy the cat is making me, I've been trying to shrug it off for so long - it's a cat FFS, how hard can it be?! Pets are everything, surely this cat isn't the devil incarnate?! So many people have told me, and him, the cat needs to go but I feel horrendous about that and can just imagine the resentment - at the same time, this cat is making things so wretched. So sorry for such a long ramble, but I'm in a real pickle with this - Please give all the advice you can! x