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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rehoming cat as DH hates him?

230 replies

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 15:43

I had the cat when I met DH which was a few years ago and DH just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

We have a young child or I would rethink the whole relationship tbh. But I can’t live like this.

OP posts:
Neverreturntoathread · 21/04/2022 16:06

My DH isn’t a fan of my cat either OP. Doesn’t hate him exactly but is 😱 at the frequent hairball vomits and the ££££ vet bills (and the occasional toilet mishaps: cat is elderly). Cat doesn’t see the point of DH and DH doesn’t see the point of cat. But they manage to stay out of each other’s way. If they didn’t, absolutely I would consider finding a new home with the cat, perhaps with a relative. I would never place the cat in a miserable situation or danger eg at a cat ‘shelter’, but I know my pet and honestly if I found someone else to feed and pet him who had a decent sofa and ok garden, he wouldn’t miss me at all.

Those saying ‘rehome your DH’ aren’t being very helpful eh, it’s a nice soundbite but really? Divorce, with children involved, over a cat?!

Have a think OP and perhaps see if anyone you know like friends or family might be interested in having a cat.

Cervinia · 21/04/2022 16:09

He knew you had the cat when he met you. Is he jealous of the love you give the cat and the baby? My DH thinks one of our cats is a pain, she is, she’s elderly, winges constantly, wants to go
our and come in 1000 times a day, washes his face in the night. But he knows she is here for life and she isn’t going anywhere.

fUNNYfACE36 · 21/04/2022 16:09

I don't think i can comment on this without knowing more about the situation.why does your husband dislike it? Is he allergic?
I think the posters saying 'rehome the husband ' are absurd especially as we dont know the reason for his dislike.

10HailMarys · 21/04/2022 16:09

What, exactly, is his problem with the cat? You had the cat before you met him, so he knew it was part of the package when you got together. Assuming you're the one who feeds the cat and deals with its litter tray etc, I can't really see what there would be to 'hate' about the poor thing.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't choose to have a cat, but I'd certainly have no issue with living with a cat if my DP had one, or wanted to get one. I mean, they're pretty unobtrusive pets to have in the house, really.

I strongly suspect that this is not, in fact, about the cat. Given that you've said you'd consider leaving if you didn't have a young child, my guess is that there are other issues in your relationship and that DH has chosen the cat as the object of his loathing just to make you feel bad. You had the cat before him and you give it attention. He's being a complete shit, and thinks that if you get rid of it he'll have 'won' and proved that he is more important.

Catcrazy83 · 21/04/2022 16:11

I’ve wouldn’t get rid of my cats unless it was for their benefit, they are my responsibility, to look after them, for their life.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 21/04/2022 16:12

Divorce, with children involved, over a cat?!

But it's not "just" the cat, is it. It's that you're living with someone who can't behave like an adult about a cat. Unless there's a huge drip feed coming where it is revealed that the cat will piss on anything pertaining to the DH at any opportunity and OP has done nothing about it.

MurmuratingStarling · 21/04/2022 16:13

OhCobblers · 21/04/2022 16:05

I hate cats. Can't stand them.

BUT would never have started a relationship with someone who had one and certainly wouldn't have married them and then expected them to get rid years later.

See I don't get this. How can you possibly HATE cats? (Like ALL cats!) Confused Or any animals? Such a mad sweeping generalisation. It's like people who hate children. How can anyone HATE a whole species of animal, or ALL children. Makes zero sense to me!

Dancer47 · 21/04/2022 16:13

Your DH sounds like a horrible shit. He knew you had your cat when you got married. He doesn't make you happy does he? What man would want you to get rid of your pet? and don't say "re-home" - it's very difficult to get new homes for your pets now due to all the cretins buying animals during Covid lockdowns and now wanting rid of them.

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 21/04/2022 16:15

whenwilliwillibefamous · 21/04/2022 16:12

Divorce, with children involved, over a cat?!

But it's not "just" the cat, is it. It's that you're living with someone who can't behave like an adult about a cat. Unless there's a huge drip feed coming where it is revealed that the cat will piss on anything pertaining to the DH at any opportunity and OP has done nothing about it.

Yes, this is my concern too. The fact she said she’d leave if they didn’t have kids. You don’t say that over a man whinging about the smelly litter tray, do you? I suspect the cat is one of a list of issues she has with DH.

Unsureaboutit9 · 21/04/2022 16:18

YABU to marry and have a child with someone who hates your cat, and then consider getting rid of the cat. You and your DH have all the control and make the decisions, cat has done nothing wrong and may loose it’s home. Totally irresponsible, hopefully you are just venting though rather than seriously considering ditching your pet.

10HailMarys · 21/04/2022 16:18

Divorce, with children involved, over a cat?!

It's not really the cat, though, is it? The red flag is that despite apparently being happy to marry and have children with the OP, he has decided he hates a pet she has had for years before she met him, and which is something she loves, and is constantly nasty about it. If he's being so arsey about the cat that the OP is considering rehoming it, I strongly doubt he's a ray of sunshine in the marriage overall. If it wasn't the cat, it would be something else he decided he had a problem with.

notacooldad · 21/04/2022 16:19

I am not a cat fan at all but your Dh is out of order.
Cat was there first and he knows it.

Bretonbear · 21/04/2022 16:20

I'd be rehoming him. The husband. Not the cat.

PriamFarrl · 21/04/2022 16:22

The cat was there first. DH married you knowing that this cat was a part of your life.
I don’t think this is really about the cat is it?

Original poster
Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:24

To be honest yes I only did discover he hated the cat in stages. It’s endless comments, sending me links to cats having killed babies or infected them with scratches. The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged.

OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 21/04/2022 16:27

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:24

To be honest yes I only did discover he hated the cat in stages. It’s endless comments, sending me links to cats having killed babies or infected them with scratches. The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged.

Tell him to pack it in and that you don’t want to hear any more about it. You might have realised at a later date but he knew his own preferences from day 1 and still chose to get involved with you.

notacooldad · 21/04/2022 16:28

The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged
I'd say its time to get firm with and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop sending links and shut up now enough is enough.

slightlyslumamama · 21/04/2022 16:28

Sorry OP but husband doesn't sound nice at all. How old is your child and has cat ever hurt child/ aggressive or just old and smelly? Poor cat, poor you and your child.

Simonjt · 21/04/2022 16:29

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:24

To be honest yes I only did discover he hated the cat in stages. It’s endless comments, sending me links to cats having killed babies or infected them with scratches. The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged.

Maybe he needs reminding that he’ll also become smellier as he ages and you may have to start treating him how he treats the cat.

ButtockUp · 21/04/2022 16:29

I wholeheartedly agree with others.

He knew that cat was part of your life when you met.
You've since married and had children.

That he wants rid of the cat is the tip of the iceberg here, given that you've said that you'd rethink the relationship were it not for the children. He probably feels the same way and the cat is just a means of conveying his feelings towards you.

XenoBitch · 21/04/2022 16:29

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:24

To be honest yes I only did discover he hated the cat in stages. It’s endless comments, sending me links to cats having killed babies or infected them with scratches. The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged.

Counter by sending him links about men killing their spouses and kids (I am not serious BTW, but statistically, the men you live with are more a threat to you and your kids than cats are).

Cats do get gross as they age.. and so do humans... and so do children/husbands who end up ill or with a life changing injury.

NumberTheory · 21/04/2022 16:30

I think you should seriously consider your relationship with your DH if he can’t accept the cat for your sake. Especially if he was accepting before and has become less so as you’ve become more tightly linked to him by a home/marriage/children. It doesn’t bode well for his generosity in other ways when you need it.

However, if he’s always been this complaining about the cat and you’ve put up with it and deepened your relationship with him despite this, then getting rid of the cat is the way to go however unfair on the cat that is. If this is the situation, you made the choice a long ago, really, and this is just the culmination.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 21/04/2022 16:31

Simonjt · 21/04/2022 16:29

Maybe he needs reminding that he’ll also become smellier as he ages and you may have to start treating him how he treats the cat.

Show quote history

This.

Loudly.

seensome · 21/04/2022 16:31

I don't think rehoming would be successful with an elderly cat. The scare stories are ridiculous, they are extreme cases. I wouldn't want anyone putting that pressure on me, is it just a cat issue? I wouldn't be surprised if he's controlling in other ways too. I would re-home the husband!

Dozycuntlaters · 21/04/2022 16:32

I think we all get smellier and older. Your husband sounds like a tool. There are no recorded incidences of a cat killing a child (I presume he's buying into the old wives tale of a cat suffocating a baby - never happened) and as for infected scratch marks - if your child treats the cat with respect the cat won't scratch them. i would tell your DH he's getting smelly as he's getting older and re-home him.

Honestly, your cat is going to struggle to be re-homed, so tell your DH to grow up, and stop going on about it.