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Original poster

Rehoming cat as DH hates him?

230 replies

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 15:43

I had the cat when I met DH which was a few years ago and DH just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

We have a young child or I would rethink the whole relationship tbh. But I can’t live like this.

OP posts:
SpringLobelia · 21/04/2022 19:35

I am not a fan of dogs. DH had a dog he adored when i met him. I sucked it up. Because the dog was his and a part of his family. That dog lived for 18 years and was a puppy when i met him. I grew quite fond of the dog and never harmed him and did everything right by him and we rubbed along together quite affectionately. I was distraught when he finally died.

Because I am not a fucking arsehole.

Sunnytwobridges · 21/04/2022 19:35

It would depend on what the cat has done. But from your posts it doesn’t seem like the cat has done any wrong. So your DH needs to just put up with it.

JanisMoplin · 21/04/2022 19:37

This would really upset me. . The idea of dumping a much loved cat when he becomes old and smelly is just so cruel.

LaurenKelsey · 21/04/2022 19:38

My ex husband hated my cats and called them “losers”. I rehomed him years ago and still have the two cars and took in a stray. It was a very good choice.

SpringLobelia · 21/04/2022 19:43

I have to say that I would genuinely prioritise any animal over a functioning human male who poses a threat of any sort to an animal even an apparently benigh threat of 'get rid of them'. Because they have just told you who they are. And they are not a person i would want to share my life with.

LaurenKelsey · 21/04/2022 19:51

This! ^

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 19:52

Christ. It’s a bit of a leap to suggest he’s going to “off” the cat, is it not?!

Not everyone is keen on animals, and do not wish to live with animals. That’s fine. It doesn’t mean they wish to harm them.

MurmuratingStarling · 21/04/2022 19:54

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:24

To be honest yes I only did discover he hated the cat in stages. It’s endless comments, sending me links to cats having killed babies or infected them with scratches. The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged.

Hmm
PraiseBee · 21/04/2022 19:56

@Terribleguiltovercat

DH has not ever asked me to get rid of the cat. But as I have said, the constant comments are draining and wearing. I feel edgy and defensive all the time.
Have a frank conversation that his comments are bugging you and would he please desist. He potentially has anxiety over the cat, in particular around your dc. Perhaps acknowledge this, make his concerns and dislikes feel heard. You say the cat is old. Can you try to get him to agree to lay off moaning about the cat and say once the cat dies you'll not get another one? Cats aren't for everyone and perhaps over time he's finding it harder and harder to live with one. Sometimes people get into a pattern of moaning and he needs his frequent groaning pointed out to him. Perhaps the cat is a scapegoat for being annoyed at something else. Have a good thorough chat about it together and hopefully you can get to a better spot. Saying all that, bloody cats. Drive me nutty....Grin
josie95xxx · 21/04/2022 20:01

It would be disgusting behaviour to rehome an elderly cat for this reason. Get rid of the husband

emmakenny · 21/04/2022 20:01

Your child is more important than the cat. Don't 'rehome the husband' as the pet fanatics insist unless there are other significant problems in the relationship.

OutsideLookingOut · 21/04/2022 20:09

Give the cat a good grooming - harder to groom themselves as they get older.
trim any hair around the sanitary areas and brush daily.

KimikosNightmare · 21/04/2022 20:17

emmakenny · 21/04/2022 20:01

Your child is more important than the cat. Don't 'rehome the husband' as the pet fanatics insist unless there are other significant problems in the relationship.

Well there kind of is, isn't there?

He's a controlling manipulative liar.

That bollocks about cats killing babies.

KimikosNightmare · 21/04/2022 20:18

emmakenny · 21/04/2022 20:01

Your child is more important than the cat. Don't 'rehome the husband' as the pet fanatics insist unless there are other significant problems in the relationship.

It's not a question about being a "pet fanatic" it's a question about being wary of someone so lacking in warmth and empathy.

KimikosNightmare · 21/04/2022 20:20

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 21/04/2022 19:52

Christ. It’s a bit of a leap to suggest he’s going to “off” the cat, is it not?!

Not everyone is keen on animals, and do not wish to live with animals. That’s fine. It doesn’t mean they wish to harm them.

But he did choose to live with an animal. If my husband had said he didn't want my cats I wouldn't have married him.

stiritwithaknife · 21/04/2022 20:20

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 18:11

DH has not ever asked me to get rid of the cat. But as I have said, the constant comments are draining and wearing. I feel edgy and defensive all the time.

"What is it you want me to do about the cat then, DH?"

His answers....
A. Rehome -> "It's nigh impossible and unethical to rehome an elderly cat. I'd have to put him down. So..." [Return to beginning question]

B. Put down -> "I'm not going to put him down unless he has quality of life issues. Don't bring this up again because no matter how much you nag, I won't kill my cat for you."

C. Keep away from baby -> "ok, let's work out a plan to separate them so you can stop worrying about DC."

D. I just can't stand the smell -> "ok I will talk to the vet about it and see what I can do to help our cat keep clean."

E. I resent having to clean up after the cat -> "ok I'll do it, but you need to pull yout weight with DC."

F. I resent the vet bills -> "well we came as a package deal. It is what it is so..." [Return to beginning question]

G. I just like to moan -> "not to me thanks"

TaysideTeuchter · 21/04/2022 20:26

Yes, elderly cats do smell. There are things you can do about it though - regular grooming (as PP have suggested) you can even get shampoo for cats: www.petsathome.com/shop/en/pets/byotrol-deodorising-no-rinse-shampoo-for-cats-250ml#

I used to shampoo our elderly cat before he was PTS at the age of 20.

I appreciate that you may have a DH problem rather than a cat problem though.

Daisycrown · 21/04/2022 20:28

I can tell you from bitter experience that if you allow your husband to come between you and your cat you will never feel the same way about him again.

Nsky62 · 21/04/2022 20:36

I once had two cats and a dog, the younger cat wanted more attention, above dog, my ex and I, left wondering what to do.
He took a shine to him and got rehomed, all went well

buckwheat · 21/04/2022 20:38

I would go against the majority here. Obviously we don’t know your husband and your relationship but I would prioritise my husband over the cat (I love cats, have couple of my own). If he feels bad about the cat I would try to discuss it and yes rehome the cat if needed. Surely is not asking to kill it but find a new home where everyone loves cats.

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 21/04/2022 20:43

buckwheat · 21/04/2022 20:38

I would go against the majority here. Obviously we don’t know your husband and your relationship but I would prioritise my husband over the cat (I love cats, have couple of my own). If he feels bad about the cat I would try to discuss it and yes rehome the cat if needed. Surely is not asking to kill it but find a new home where everyone loves cats.

Her husband is fine, he just hates the cat. He'll live.

The cat wasn't sprung upon him.

SirGawain · 21/04/2022 20:44

Georgeskitchen · 21/04/2022 15:45

I would be sorely tempted to rehome the DH

^^^ This!

SirGawain · 21/04/2022 20:45

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/04/2022 17:43

Why are people being so weird?! Cat is not more important than husband. Doesn’t matter if cat was there first. Cat is not of an equal standing to the actual people in the family

That depends on who is in your family!

Nanny0gg · 21/04/2022 20:48

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:41

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.

Then just tell him to shut up that you don't want to hear it

greenlynx · 21/04/2022 21:39

i think @NumberTheory is right and it’s the case when people didn’t pay enough attention to their own dislikes and to each other’s from the beginning and then everything’s changed when the baby arrived. OP’s husband might be genuinely anxious about risks for the baby or maybe he always had higher hygiene standards then OP, just tolerated the situation when it’s about himself but sees it differently now when baby is involved. The same with smell, if he struggles with smells genuinely it’s not unheard of and need to be addressed. They need to talk and find a compromise. However if he’s just shitty about the cat and allows his dad’s dog to lick the baby all over or smokes in baby’s presence I would say it’s just a beginning so unfortunately rehoming DH is your answer.