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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rehoming cat as DH hates him?

230 replies

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 15:43

I had the cat when I met DH which was a few years ago and DH just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

We have a young child or I would rethink the whole relationship tbh. But I can’t live like this.

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 21/04/2022 17:10

Your dh will get older and smellier with time.

godmum56 · 21/04/2022 17:10

What has changed? If he moaned about the cat when you were first together why did you not dump him?

NumberTheory · 21/04/2022 17:10

Dozycuntlaters · 21/04/2022 16:36

@NumberTheory but how can the relationship be good if he is pressurising his wife to get rid of a cat, a cat she had when she met and then married him.

I have a dog and two cats, and no matter how much I loved someone, I would never ever prioritise them over my pets. As I say to my DO (whom I don't live with and he can makes comments about them sometimes) love me, love my pets.

If, as might be the case judging from OP’s update, they were both oblivious to the amount of dislike he had for being around cats and didn’t explore the issue in its infancy before living together, getting married and having a kid, I don’t think that is a sure fire indication that it’s not a good marriage. He’s miserable around cats and didn’t realise just how miserable until they were living together. She’s ignored the fact he was not happy assuming things would even out. That sort of thing does happen to people. Most people aren’t great at recognizing how much something that irritates them a bit in the beginning will grow to dominate their experience and make them miserable. Most people are a bit oblivious to or blasé about others dislike of things they love until it hits them over the head. That’s not necessarily the sign of two people who can’t otherwise have a good marriage.

But it’s also not a given that this is the only issue. OP might be oblivious to many things her DH has made clear about what he wants from life and just blithely assumed it doesn’t really matter. DH may be an ass about anything that doesn’t go exactly his way.

I’m just not of the opinion the cat’s needs trump the humans, especially when there is a kid involved too.

Original poster
Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 17:13

That’s probably fair @NumberTheory

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 21/04/2022 17:15

You need to tell your husband very firmly that he's talking bollocks about the so-called risks of having a cat with a baby, and that he knew you had the cat when he got together with you. Tell him you absolutely will not be getting rid of the cat and that he needst to stfu about it.

Loobyloo68 · 21/04/2022 17:18

My cat was a pain in the arse for the last 6 months of his life but although I moaned about him shitting on the bath mat every chance he got, (never did it before) and pinching any food left out(never put a foot on the worktops before), he even took bones off the dog! When he died aged 16 I cried like a baby. Keep your cat, he wont be here forever

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 17:20

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 17:04

I’ve asked him and it works for a while and then starts again.

What do you do/say when he brings it up?

BrassLor · 21/04/2022 17:21

I haven't read all the thread. But your cat would, I'm sure, be very happy in another home. I love animals, but I think people get ridiculous about their pets - who will eventually be very happy elsewhere. Its a form of co-dependence really!!!!! Are you going to sacrifice your marriage for a cat who can be found a nice home? The first poster who said rehome your husband was typical of this attitude.

SaskiaRembrandt · 21/04/2022 17:25

There is absolutely no way I would rehome my cat because my husband decided he didn't like her.

Saying that, I'm not married to an assbutt so this scenario is unlikely to ever happen.

XenoBitch · 21/04/2022 17:27

BrassLor · 21/04/2022 17:21

I haven't read all the thread. But your cat would, I'm sure, be very happy in another home. I love animals, but I think people get ridiculous about their pets - who will eventually be very happy elsewhere. Its a form of co-dependence really!!!!! Are you going to sacrifice your marriage for a cat who can be found a nice home? The first poster who said rehome your husband was typical of this attitude.

OP had the cat before she met DH and had kids with him. He is sending her links to crap about cats killing babies.

afizzysweet · 21/04/2022 17:27

This whole thread is an over reaction.
Your DP has not actually said he hates the cat and nobody seems to have suggested rehoming unless a drip feed is on the way.

Tell him to pack it in with his links unless he is genuinely concerned, if he is then you need to sit down and discuss his concerns, if they're valid something needs to be put in place to prevent any issues and if they aren't, then he needs to pack it in.

How old is your child and are you both feeling strained and tired?

Branleuse · 21/04/2022 17:27

one cat?? I dont see what on earth would be so difficult about one cat? Theyre low maintenance pets.

I think you should tell him he either shuts up about the cat, or he can piss off himself

Felix0204 · 21/04/2022 17:34

My cat is being a pesky annoying thing , constantly begging for food can't even leave your food for second as he will steal it. He's bitten my DH and scratching him. I've taken him to the vet there's nothing wrong with him he's just being difficult at the moment. At night time I've started shutting him downstairs as he was scratching at 4am. See what adjustments you can make when my cat starts begging I move him to a different room.

PrinnyPree · 21/04/2022 17:35

You need to tell your husband to stop sending you links and low key bullying you about the cat. I would say you are getting really stressed out about it and you may need couples counselling if he continues as it's seriously effecting your relationship. Bullying you and stressing you out is not on OP. Xx

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/04/2022 17:41

one cat?? I dont see what on earth would be so difficult about one cat? Theyre low maintenance pets

tell that to my last cat 😂. The dog is a breeze compared to him. It was a siamese though and required physical human contact at all times. He used to sit on my shoulder while I cleaned my teeth and insisted on sitting on my lap on the loo.

my dh isn’t overly keen on my dog, but limits himself to “i prefer cats” and calling him names.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/04/2022 17:43

Why are people being so weird?! Cat is not more important than husband. Doesn’t matter if cat was there first. Cat is not of an equal standing to the actual people in the family

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 21/04/2022 17:44

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/04/2022 17:43

Why are people being so weird?! Cat is not more important than husband. Doesn’t matter if cat was there first. Cat is not of an equal standing to the actual people in the family

I find your post to be quite weird. Are you always this weird?

PigeonMail · 21/04/2022 17:45

Infected by cat scratches…
He sounds really dull and annoying

Please drop feed the part he’s an amazing dad or something or did I miss that?

what if you kids like cats when they are older? Will he refuse to visit incase they scratch and infect him

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/04/2022 17:47

Why are people being so weird?! Cat is not more important than husband. Doesn’t matter if cat was there first. Cat is not of an equal standing to the actual people in the family

no, but the cat is dependent, the husband is not.

it’s part of the responsibility of pet ownership. The dh knew o/p had a cat, if it was such a dealbreaker her shouldn’t have moved in. In some ways it’s the same as marrying a man with kids, not willing to accept them, don’t do it.

Cryingintherain99 · 21/04/2022 17:47

Cats are part of the family for most people.
I can't imagine being in a situation where someone asked me to rehome my cat. I love him to bits. That said I don't have a husband/ partner (just my children) so can't compare.

Fulmine · 21/04/2022 17:47

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:41

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.

Tell him to stop "only mentioning" then. It's not achieving anything.

KatherineJaneway · 21/04/2022 17:48

KatherineJaneway · 21/04/2022 17:10

Your dh will get older and smellier with time.

Sorry my whole text didn't post

He will get older and smellier with time, should he be rehomed then?

In the first instance I'd tell him no more comments or the only one who might be rehomed is him.

XenoBitch · 21/04/2022 17:48

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/04/2022 17:43

Why are people being so weird?! Cat is not more important than husband. Doesn’t matter if cat was there first. Cat is not of an equal standing to the actual people in the family

Depends if the human in competition with the cat is a total cockwomble or not..

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/04/2022 17:49

@Hallyup89

Cats are a pain in the arse.

Not sure why people would rather get rid of their children's father over any animal. Messed up priorities or what?

My kids and DP are by far more of a pain in my arse than my dog and cats. I love them with all my heart. But if it was just me and my animals my life would be pain in the arse free.
SwishSwishBisch · 21/04/2022 17:51

Ditching DH is probably unrealistic (even if he does sound like a miserable twat) but abandoning an elderly cat who has done nothing wrong other than exist is horribly unfair. Older cats struggle to find new homes.
Honestly OP I’d be inclined to go nuclear on DH. Acknowledge you know he hates the cat, but the cat is staying and you want him to shut the fuck up about it because his mithering is going to get him nowhere other than a cold shoulder from you and possibly the spare room. He’s only carrying on with his bleating and complaining because you’re letting him