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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rehoming cat as DH hates him?

230 replies

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 15:43

I had the cat when I met DH which was a few years ago and DH just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

We have a young child or I would rethink the whole relationship tbh. But I can’t live like this.

OP posts:
Stepcount · 21/04/2022 17:54

I think the difficult thing for many of us cat lovers is to imagine making an active decision to re home one because for me they are a huge and important part of the family. I don’t think it’s something that I would clearly end the relationship over, that’s not a measured response but if my DP made constant comments about my cats then ultimately it would impact how I felt about DP. In my mind it’s low level bullying and that in itself would eventually sadden and annoy me.

Blone · 21/04/2022 17:56

I couldn't stay married to someone who didn't value animals and pets and understand how much they enrich our lives.

Your DH sounds insufferable. Do what is best for the cat, it's all they deserve.

oakleaffy · 21/04/2022 17:57

Animals so often get dumped when kids and husbands come along, as if the poor pet was only a ''Kid/Husband'' substitute.

The chances of an adult cat getting a nice home are almost nil.

Dump the husband.

Chikapu · 21/04/2022 17:58

BrassLor · 21/04/2022 17:21

I haven't read all the thread. But your cat would, I'm sure, be very happy in another home. I love animals, but I think people get ridiculous about their pets - who will eventually be very happy elsewhere. Its a form of co-dependence really!!!!! Are you going to sacrifice your marriage for a cat who can be found a nice home? The first poster who said rehome your husband was typical of this attitude.

An elderly cat is unlikely to find a new home and would be very unsettled by losing the humans that they know and trust. They aren't disposable because someone chooses to be an arsehole about their existence.

DisforDarkChocolate · 21/04/2022 18:00

I'd be looking at my partner in a very different way if they thought this was acceptable never mind pushed for it. I'm not a cat lover, if one was living in the home before me it gets to stay until it dies.

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 18:01

There's something seriously wrong if you'd consider rehoming a pet you had before you met this arsehole because he hates it, something wrong with him, and you!

yellowsuninthesky · 21/04/2022 18:02

The chances of an adult cat getting a nice home are almost nil

A lady up the road died last year and a neighbour took her cat. Cat and neighbour seem to be very happy together.

So rehoming a cat isn't necessarily that hard.

I think cats can be quite demanding, my mum has been adopted by one and he is always asking for food and wanting to come in at 6am. He has a home a few doors down. But I agree, if you don't like them, you don't live with someone who already has one.

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 18:03

I've just read his an elderly cat too!! Wow, you're both a piece of work if you ask me! The poor thing will be fucking traumatised. Get rid of the p##ck!

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 18:05

@Terribleguiltovercat

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.
So he's controlling and manipulative?
shmess · 21/04/2022 18:06

@Reallyreallyborednow
tell that to my last cat 😂. The dog is a breeze compared to him. It was a siamese though and required physical human contact at all times. He used to sit on my shoulder while I cleaned my teeth and insisted on sitting on my lap on the loo
I've got two siameses and the boy is exactly the same. He has to be actually touching me ALL the time I am at home. He can't get on and do things by himself or even get in his own bed and go to sleep....
The girl can do something independently for a while and can also sleep by herself in her bed but then she goes into full cling-on mode and won't be moved.

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 18:07

Cats literally do fuck all other than sleep. Honestly this post has pissed me right off!

Original poster
Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 18:07

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 18:05

@Terribleguiltovercat

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.
So he's controlling and manipulative?

Just a “piece of work”. Like me.

OP posts:
WisherWood · 21/04/2022 18:07

Why are people being so weird?! Cat is not more important than husband. Doesn’t matter if cat was there first. Cat is not of an equal standing to the actual people in the family

Here's the thing - if I were in a burning building and I had a choice of rescuing my OH or my horse, I'd rescue my OH (assuming for some reason he couldn't get himself out). But if my OH had ever asked me to get rid of my horse, OH would be gone. It's not about who's more important, but about being the sort of person who wants the animal gone.

As it is, my relationship has outlasted my horse's life but my partner knew from the get-go how important the horse was to me and knew that he would get the boot before the horse. The horse was dependent on me. I'd made a commitment to the horse to keep him safe. My partner is an independent adult who can do his own thing so if forced to choose which to keep (rather than which to save if their lives were at risk), it would have been the horse EVERY SINGLE TIME.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/04/2022 18:08

Contrary to all your advice, I would be really surprised if OP ends her marriage and splits up with the father of her child over a cat. If he is a shit husband and father, fair play but if he is otherwise decent it would be a really foolish things to do. It’s easy to type out LTB your phone, in reality it’s all very different

ForRealThough · 21/04/2022 18:09

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shmess · 21/04/2022 18:09

I would not rehome an elderly cat and move him away from everything he knows and loves.
DH can fuck off.
Has this complaining and sending stuff started recently or got worse?
Just saying... when my ex was "on his way out" in his mind had found someone he thought he might be able to start a relationship with he just went on and on about the cats and them smelling and making a mess etcetc blah blah and then when he announced he was fucking off somewhere he CLAIMED it was because he hated the cats' litter tray being near his clothes (it wasn't).

ForRealThough · 21/04/2022 18:10

shmess your siamese do sound rather sweet tbh!

Original poster
Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 18:11

DH has not ever asked me to get rid of the cat. But as I have said, the constant comments are draining and wearing. I feel edgy and defensive all the time.

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 21/04/2022 18:11

My DH had to remove his dog when we moved in together. We were both gutted, but I was so allergic to him :( We have 3 dogs now and that allergy never came back.

Find out why your DH dislikes the cat. If it's a stupid reason, tell him to shut it and stop picking on the cat. If it's a health reason, that's a diff matter....

PriamFarrl · 21/04/2022 18:12

This reply has been deleted

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Can you not see that this isn’t about the cat?

The DH has entered this relationship with the full knowledge of who the OP is and part of that includes this cat. He is making snide remarks wanting her to change.

ForRealThough · 21/04/2022 18:12

but why the horrible language shmess? Would you say that to someone you'd just met and chatting to? Probably not. So rude and disrespectful of people on the internet. We are normal, sensitive people who do not like being sworn at by strangers! You didn't deserve those Siamese!!

UhtredsLatestPaganHussy · 21/04/2022 18:13

SwishSwishBisch · 21/04/2022 17:51

Ditching DH is probably unrealistic (even if he does sound like a miserable twat) but abandoning an elderly cat who has done nothing wrong other than exist is horribly unfair. Older cats struggle to find new homes.
Honestly OP I’d be inclined to go nuclear on DH. Acknowledge you know he hates the cat, but the cat is staying and you want him to shut the fuck up about it because his mithering is going to get him nowhere other than a cold shoulder from you and possibly the spare room. He’s only carrying on with his bleating and complaining because you’re letting him

Agree. A loud and firm 'Stop whining like a baby and stop sending me your links. The cat is staying.'

Pets should not be viewed as being disposable.

thebeespyjamas · 21/04/2022 18:15

ItsSnowJokes · 21/04/2022 15:45

I would rehome the husband, kids or no kids. Totally unfair to do this to the cat.

I hate these comments where people think it's as easy as shoving your husband out and that's that.

Child access, bitterness and using children against you, not seeing your children full-time, and STILL having them in your life anyway is not better! That sounds like hell.

"Rehome DH", ugh.

SnowingInApril · 21/04/2022 18:15

If the cat is old it will be put down won’t it? You’re kidding yourself if you think a charity will be able to re home it.

Just tell your DH to STFU.

ForRealThough · 21/04/2022 18:15

I don't know Priam. I haven't read the whole thread.

The reality is - some pets are a neurotic drain. They would be better off with a different home, for everyone's sake. This is a truth and reality people don't want to face up to in LaLa land.

BTW, I don't know the whole history, the people, or the pets!