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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rehoming cat as DH hates him?

230 replies

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 15:43

I had the cat when I met DH which was a few years ago and DH just hates him and constantly complains about him and it’s really getting to me.

We have a young child or I would rethink the whole relationship tbh. But I can’t live like this.

OP posts:
iloveeverykindofcat · 21/04/2022 16:32

Whilst my username betrays my bias on this issue, it's pretty messed up for an adult to actively hate an animal.

Rosehugger · 21/04/2022 16:32

Georgeskitchen · 21/04/2022 15:45

I would be sorely tempted to rehome the DH

Me too 😡😻

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 16:32

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:24

To be honest yes I only did discover he hated the cat in stages. It’s endless comments, sending me links to cats having killed babies or infected them with scratches. The comments are constant and they are wearing me down. The cat has become older and smellier as he’s aged.

I would be sending him links about how many women and children are killed at the hands of their husbands/fathers, tbh.

He's a dick.

NumberTheory · 21/04/2022 16:32

Cross post with your update. It sounds like you were both a bit passive about the fact you were joining a non-cat lover and a cat in a household together.

Much as it’s unfair on the cat, if your marriage is truly otherwise good, I would prioritise the marriage, not the cat.

Mumoblue · 21/04/2022 16:35

My ex complained about the cat a lot. I finally had enough of it and told him I didn’t want to hear another complaint about her, because she wasn’t going anywhere- but he just might.

That did stop him complaining, but we broke up for other reasons later. I’m suspicious of people who can’t stop bitching about cats behaving like cats.

Lottie4 · 21/04/2022 16:36

The cat is part of the package. If you're not going to rehome DH, you need to have an honest conversation with him, tell him how much the cat means to you and point out that as he's getting older, he probably won't be with you for many more years. Older cats are harder to rehome and you are his life, I'd look for another solution.

Dozycuntlaters · 21/04/2022 16:36

@NumberTheory but how can the relationship be good if he is pressurising his wife to get rid of a cat, a cat she had when she met and then married him.

I have a dog and two cats, and no matter how much I loved someone, I would never ever prioritise them over my pets. As I say to my DO (whom I don't live with and he can makes comments about them sometimes) love me, love my pets.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 21/04/2022 16:37

My DH is actually allergic to my cats and even he wouldn't stoop to wanting them gone. Not ok at all.

Petros9 · 21/04/2022 16:37

I am amazed that so many posts (all bar one?) advocate prioritising the cat over the husband! Don't know what kind of marriage vows were involved but I am guessing they were commitments made between OP and DH, not between OP and the cat.

Pollydonia · 21/04/2022 16:39

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 16:32

I would be sending him links about how many women and children are killed at the hands of their husbands/fathers, tbh.

He's a dick.

Show quote history

This, with knobs on.

Original poster
Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:41

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 16:41

Petros9 · 21/04/2022 16:37

I am amazed that so many posts (all bar one?) advocate prioritising the cat over the husband! Don't know what kind of marriage vows were involved but I am guessing they were commitments made between OP and DH, not between OP and the cat.

The cat was there first, though. If the DH disliked cats so badly, he shouldn't have moved in with (and married) someone with a cat.

I wouldn't get rid of any of my animals for a man.

Unsureaboutit9 · 21/04/2022 16:42

The cat would have become older and smellier regardless of your DH. You need
to get your DH to behave better (or get rid of him if he doesn’t treat you properly), and keep your commitment to the cat even though he’s smelly and old.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 16:42

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:41

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.

What is that if not pressuring you?

fUNNYfACE36 · 21/04/2022 16:43

In what way is the cat smelly? they usually aren't.

sillysmiles · 21/04/2022 16:44

Petros9 · 21/04/2022 16:37

I am amazed that so many posts (all bar one?) advocate prioritising the cat over the husband! Don't know what kind of marriage vows were involved but I am guessing they were commitments made between OP and DH, not between OP and the cat.

But where is the DH holding up his vows? He wasn't honest at the start to say that a cat was a problem for him.
It's not about cat vs DH, it's about DH taking something she loves, and then nit picking and commenting and generally making her miserable. To be clear - it is the DH making her miserable not the cat.

Sittingonabench · 21/04/2022 16:45

Don’t rehome the cat - any time he raises it tell him if he has a problem with the cat to keep it to himself. You had the cat before him and when he made a commitment to you he accepted the presence of the cat in his life. Explain to him the effect his constant nagging has on you but it’s his issue and you’ve had enough! We will all get old and smell different.

Topseyt123 · 21/04/2022 16:45

Rehome the arsehole DH if this continues, not the cat. I'm not even joking.

XenoBitch · 21/04/2022 16:45

Terribleguiltovercat · 21/04/2022 16:41

To be honest he isn’t pressuring me to get rid of the cat. Just constant constant ‘I was only mentioning.’ And it does have the affect of wearing you down.

So why is he constantly mentioning it then?
He is not telling you outrightto get rid of the cat, but is chipping away and trying to get you to arrive to that decision yourself. It is manipulative.

hoorayandupsherises · 21/04/2022 16:45

Petros9 · 21/04/2022 16:37

I am amazed that so many posts (all bar one?) advocate prioritising the cat over the husband! Don't know what kind of marriage vows were involved but I am guessing they were commitments made between OP and DH, not between OP and the cat.

When he got into a relationship with her, he knew of the cat. If it was a dealbreaker for him, he could have said that and chosen not to pursue the relationship.

That's the reason for the responses.

If the OP had said, that she had always wanted a cat, but her DH had always said he didn't want one, none of us would be saying ditch the DH and get a cat.

Wimpeyspread · 21/04/2022 16:45

Definitely rehome DH - a cat is for life

Hallyup89 · 21/04/2022 16:45

Cats are a pain in the arse.

Not sure why people would rather get rid of their children's father over any animal. Messed up priorities or what?

Unsureaboutit9 · 21/04/2022 16:46

Petros9 · 21/04/2022 16:37

I am amazed that so many posts (all bar one?) advocate prioritising the cat over the husband! Don't know what kind of marriage vows were involved but I am guessing they were commitments made between OP and DH, not between OP and the cat.

It’s mostly because decent people don’t get rid of their pets because they’ve had a baby and the cat has aged, so whichever one of them wants to get rid of the cat needs to get a grip, it’s a life long commitment. Also the DH is wearing her down constantly going on about it, and she said she’d leave him if she didn’t have a baby, so yeah the DH doesn’t sound like a catch, and the cat has done nothing wrong. Can’t see how getting rid of the cat would fix their marriage, he’d probably just find something else to harass her about.

fUNNYfACE36 · 21/04/2022 16:46

Petros9 · 21/04/2022 16:37

I am amazed that so many posts (all bar one?) advocate prioritising the cat over the husband! Don't know what kind of marriage vows were involved but I am guessing they were commitments made between OP and DH, not between OP and the cat.

There are do many threads on here accusing men of misogyny, and here is everyone telling a woman to put a cat befote her husbamd!

sillysmiles · 21/04/2022 16:46

fUNNYfACE36 · 21/04/2022 16:43

In what way is the cat smelly? they usually aren't.

As cats age, they can get smellier as decreased mobility makes it harder for them to reach certain parts for cleaning. Nothing wrong as such, just a part of aging.

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