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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to be concierge service for new neighbours

236 replies

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2022 10:14

We have recently moved. There are five houses in the cul de sac. Three in a row - ours is the last one - then two much posher ones behind a somewhat scary looking gate which has not been there that long (5 years perhaps but houses are very old)

Said gate is electric and there are separate doorbells/intercoms for the two houses on the entrance to the gate.

Very soon after moving in - having had brief but very friendly interactions with the neighbours - it became clear that the intercom/doorbell for the gate was not working properly. There is a barrage of deliveries from DPD, Hermes, Royal Mail etc. Delivery men asked if we would take them, we agreed assuming that the doorbell was not temporarily working properly. Bear in mind that in virtually all cases I believe they were in, but no way to let them know other than shouting or jumping over a high wall (not realistic as there is a spikey hedge on the other side).

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

So basically there is no way of accessing their property when gate is shut which it is almost all the time unless you actually call from your mobile to say you're at the gate in which case they will open it for you. I see visitors pulling up and calling and then being let in. Clearly delivery men don't do this. So they mostly knock on ours instead.

Had an interesting discussion with a royal mail man today who was trying to deliver a signed for package. They have apparently arranged redelivery three times and each time despite them blatantly being in he has failed to be able to deliver. After three times it returns to sender so he said he would be doing that. Am just baffled you would order a package online knowing that there would be no way to get it delivered unless your friendly neighbour took it in.

to be clear I have absolutely no issue whatsoever with occasionally taking in parcels. Used to do it quite often in old house but neighbours used to do the same. It was an occasional not regular thing. Here it's a daily occurence and they will never be able to return the favour for us.

I suspect previous neigbours may have just been happy to take them. That's all fine but it doesn't necessarily follow that we will does it. Although there are two houses beyond the gate all the packages have been addressed to one, it would appear that the other doesn't order parcels. That's fine but I still find it odd that it just isn't possible to access either house.

AIBU to not want to take in all the parcels? And if IANBU how do I approach this with them, bearing in mind we really want to foster friendly relations with all neighbours, not least as some work will be done later this year which could be noisy/disruptive. DH suggests the passive aggressive approach of just refusing to take any more. I'd prefer to be a bit nicer about it but not sure how.

OP posts:
steppemum · 22/04/2022 08:49

JellyfishandShells · 21/04/2022 19:36

Delivery drivers are still dropping at doorstep, ringing and going straightaway here ( SWLondon ) not checking to see if anyone answers - something that only started with Covid. Are they delivering properly again in other areas?

We had a difficult ( understatement) time with a neighbour and I said to a delivery driver who wanted me to take in a parcel for this person that I was not willing to do for No 00 but would for any of the other neighbours. No excuses, no explanations just a statement of position - the driver doesn’t need to know why ( or would care)

yes, ours often drop and ring.
But if there is a clear sign on the door saying we do not accept parcels for any other houses, then they would not drop it would they?
And anyway, usually I answer the door to the ring, and the people are still there, so you can return it and tell them not to come again.

sueelleker · 22/04/2022 08:49

IME in the UK, only Waitrose (and maybe another supermarket, I'm not sure) delivery drivers phone to tell you they're near. They'll also call if they're running early and ask if it's OK to deliver a bit early.
Others, you get, if you're lucky, a window of up to about four hours for when to expect the parcel, and that's it.

Sainsburys do this too-last week I had a delivery slot of 9-10pm, as it was the only one I could get. The driver rang at 7pm to ask if it was OK to deliver!

SpinningForVictory · 22/04/2022 14:36

I got to a point once with previous neighbours where I'd be asked by a delivery driver to take a parcel in and my response was, 'No because they're arseholes'. One driver did actually laugh.

We did put a note up in the end, to save time.

Thankfully the arseholes moved.

Mamabananananana · 22/04/2022 18:24

My sympathies OP , since the delivery drivers realised im at home most days - my house is the "go to" flat to press the buzzer for. At one point at Christmas, it was like a deliveru depot for the whole block!?
NDN has CONSTANT deliveries ( food , Amazon,friends) who will often buzz me by mistake. Drives me MENTAL
So i just switch off my buzzer now and dont answer the door unless i know its for me.
Just dont answer your door or just refuse. Or ask NDN for a tip haha

dustyparadeground · 22/04/2022 18:28

Make it your policy not to accept neighbours deliveries. Perfectly understandable. I wouldn't even talk to the neighbours about it ...not your problem

pinkpantherpink · 22/04/2022 18:44

YANBU. Refuse. They can install a Ring thing if not practical ro replace the standard bell/intercom

How privileged they are

StressedOutMumBex · 22/04/2022 18:54

THIS - they will soon get the message.

Flyonthewall01 · 21/04/2022 10:20
I just would refuse to take in the parcels. You don’t need to speak to them just don’t accept them. Not your problem

Pelsall116 · 22/04/2022 18:54

Simply decline to take them in; they'll soon get the message - or not, in which case their parcels get returned

Dancer47 · 22/04/2022 19:15

JellyfishandShells :
"Delivery drivers are still dropping at doorstep, ringing and going straightaway here ( SWLondon ) not checking to see if anyone answers - something that only started with Covid. Are they delivering properly again in other areas?"

I'm in the north and get deliveries from all the couriers and they put the parcel on the doorstep with the door open and the door number or housename visible, and they take a photograph. That shows that they have gone to the right address and that the door has been opened and parcel accepted.

Nsky62 · 22/04/2022 19:15

Pls get intercom fixed if you can

MissConductUS · 22/04/2022 19:24

I have a Ring doorbell and it’s a wonderful thing - I can see who’s at the door and screen out irritations like this.

I adore having a Ring doorbell for this reason. I've even used it to speak to the person at the door who had the wrong address through the app. We also have a Ring outdoor floodlight camera that sees our whole driveway, so I can see exactly where the parcel has been left and what time it was delivered.

CityCommuter · 22/04/2022 19:25

@Frazzled2207 I haven't read the full thread so apologies if I'm repeating someone else's point! Firstly I would stop answering the door to couriers if you haven't actually ordered anything yourself... you are not your neighbours concierge... do you think they're hiding something or if someone is actually after them in some way if they're house is as secure as Alcatraz? It would ring alarm bells if they have a guard dog as well... you never know what's in those packages or what they're disguised as (which does happen btw)... you could be acting as the 'middle man' for a drugs delivery for all you know...

Limoux · 22/04/2022 19:27

sueelleker · 22/04/2022 08:49

IME in the UK, only Waitrose (and maybe another supermarket, I'm not sure) delivery drivers phone to tell you they're near. They'll also call if they're running early and ask if it's OK to deliver a bit early.
Others, you get, if you're lucky, a window of up to about four hours for when to expect the parcel, and that's it.

Sainsburys do this too-last week I had a delivery slot of 9-10pm, as it was the only one I could get. The driver rang at 7pm to ask if it was OK to deliver!

Ocado and Morrisons both call

siestaingsnake · 22/04/2022 19:34

WeWillLookBack · 21/04/2022 10:55

You need to start saying NO.

A few years ago a delivery of 3 massive boxes for our neighbour. My lovely husband felt sorry for the delivery driver, so agreed to take them, but watched to make sure he put a card through the neighbours door. The neighbour did not come over the that day, nor the next. We could hardly move in our hallway. So I popped round to let them know. The wife left me know they were renovating their bathroom and utility room - but workmen due in 2 weeks, so didn't really want them in the way as the were big items, so hadn't bothered to collect them. I agreed that they were indeed big - and if they didn't move them now, I would put them in the front garden, so she could decide what to do with them. She was actually annoyed at me.

My husband works from home - so the local delivery drivers has started using us as the 'drop off'. He stopped accepting parcels after that. About 6mths later, the neighbour let me know it was really inconvenient that my husband didn't work from home anymore, as she as having issues with deliveries etc. He still works from home.

OMG!!

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/04/2022 19:47

SilverTotoro · 21/04/2022 10:26

Agree with your DH and other posters just stop taking them in. It’s not passive aggressive it’s just putting boundaries in place an occasional favour is fine being responsible for all their parcels definitely not.

Agreed

reesewithoutaspoon · 22/04/2022 19:48

Just tell the delivery driver you won't accept. it's pretty straightforward. They stop trying after a while. I used to get it all the time and it was annoying as hell as I worked nights. Yhey would see my car and knock assuming I was in, waking me up. One particular neighbour would have regular deliveries. and would never knock for them. Last time I checked my birth certificate I wasn't named Postman Pat so I stopped accepting, except for my nice neighbour next door. Its not PA. you arent obligated to take parcels.

frostedfruits · 22/04/2022 19:50

Just say your bells broken and you dont intend to get it fixed

MayBeee · 22/04/2022 20:02

Post office posties in my area can't even deliver to old ' safe places.
We were about to go out the other day , Post lady was walking up the drive and I said I'd take it , she replied they have to take a photo of it at an open door. We had to both walk up the drive , I unlocked and opened the door and she took a photo to prove delivery !

Roses1221 · 22/04/2022 20:06

YANBU and if you have the same delivery drivers you probably only have to tell them once 😊 I refuse parcels for one neighbour as they leave them for absolutely ages and then come round at ridiculous times like 10pm at night. They also have a note on the door requesting parcels be left in the garden so works for them too!

When I was on mat leave I had a constant stream of deliveries for another neighbour. It was none stop! Nothing so irritating as feeding on the third floor to get down to the door and realise it’s a parcel for someone else. I am genuinely otherwise a nice neighbourly person 😂

Shinyandnew1 · 22/04/2022 20:16

Next time I saw them I shouted over the wall and mentioned that I had parcels, they came to collect and I made a joke about the bell not working. I expected a 'yeah sorry we're on with that' but actually got words to the effect of 'no it hasn't worked for years and we don't intend to get it fixed'. I was so gobsmacked I didn't know what to say.

I would have said-‘but how do you get your parcels then?’

I wouldn’t be taking them in.

SuchAsSeals · 22/04/2022 20:17

I'd stop taking them in without discussing it. If they ask, I'd tell them you aren't able to stop your work to answer the door. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. Eventually, maybe they'll be inconvenienced enough to have the necessary repairs made.

rc22 · 22/04/2022 20:21

I realised amazon kept taking our parcels to our next door neighbour when we were at work. He was trying to sleep in the day having worked night shifts. We felt dreadful when we realised, apologised, bough him a bottle of whisky and started getting stuff delivered to Amazon lockers.

CornishLamb · 22/04/2022 21:01

If you just say no then the postal people will stop bringing them to you, it doesn’t have to be a bit deal.

I stopped taking them for the second homes on my street, but I still take them for the people who live here and who actually pick up from me within a day.

With the others, I got fed up with having parcels in my hall for a week (they are homes usually visited at weekends), especially since one of the women seemed to have a serious online shopping habit, was ordering multiple items to an address she know she probably wouldn’t be at.. and wasn’t even especially polite when she did arrive! I didn’t need to speak to her though, just refused and told the postwoman I wasn’t taking for those houses anymore.

Bunchymcbunchface · 22/04/2022 21:01

We have electric gates with no intercom or button.
the delivery drivers either just beep and someone goes out to collect (they usually beep whilst reversing up drive and are broggiling about in back by time we get there)
or they leave parcels outside gates, especially if 6 barking dogs are in full guard mode.

saleorbouy · 22/04/2022 21:15

Getting the occasional parcel when a neighbour is out is neighbourly. Having a neighbour take in every parcel because you can't be bothered to fix the intercom on your perimeter security is lazy and very assuming.
I would start to send parcels back. And request they leave a contact number on the gate or with the courier delivery details.