To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

We did the old fashioned and left our own party at 11pm - so people didnt feel they had to stay late. Also it was nice to have some time actually together and not being too knackered or drunk to have sex.

I am only interested in the ceremony really and find the rest of it tediously boring. So I would never attend a wedding where I wasn't going to the bit I actually enjoy.

Aside from that - what others have said re enough chairs (really important) and enough food. Oh, and don't have the music so loud my ears are bleeding!

I think having dogs at weddings is a brilliant idea.

Kids fine as long as noisy ones get taken out instantly. And music not so loud that people can't hear themselves talk.

Dogs would make most weddings better!

Plenty of thirst-quenching drinks, especially if it's a summer wedding. Bottles of water, juice etc. So many times I've gone home from a wedding feeling utterly parched, because everything on the tables was alcoholic (I drink very little alcohol anyway), and the only soft drink options were extortionate bar-prices things like J2Os.

I have my tin hat ready but of all the many many weddings I have been to the ones I remember the most was where the toddlers, babies started crying and the parents just smiled fondly at them. Eventually after some strong stares one of the ushers asked the lady whether she needed any assistance with her baby. All the time the bride and groom were trying to say their vows.

Needless to say I didnt have children at our wedding but it was under 30 people and a late afternoon/evening wedding at a very posh venue.

The best reception I went to was held in the village hall. The bride and friends decorated it and did all the table themselves, the bar was cheap as chips, the food was an outside caterer so you picked your options with the invite. The meals were simple, chicken with
mushroom sauce, steak pie and something for the vegetarians. Then on each table a bowl of potatoes and veg was passed around for guests to help themselves. I can’t remember the starters or dessert so they can’t have been awful. Halfway through the night the buffet was bacon or square sausage rolls (can’t remember the veggie alternative) and a piece of wedding cake with tea and coffee which was really different. There was a strict budget in place. It had a really old fashioned feel good element to it.

Ah I see what you mean, the dogs and confiscating mobile phone stuff is crazy!

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave

lol do you mean me? Because I won’t martyr myself and bend over backwards to accommodate each and every possible whim my guests might have at my own expense? If so then yeah call me bridezilla!

Knowing what is expected in advance.

Its your day do what you both want and can afford. I asked my closest friends who had kids whether they wanted us to invite the kids or whether they preferred to come on their own and the consensus was unanimous for us to please not invite the kids as it would spoil their day.

Personally, I hate the dead time between the day and night do it often means driving, two outfits and a lull in the proceedings. I think its better to get married at 2pm or 3pm and carry straight on without a break.

Limit the photos and get more natural photos as things occur. Some photographers take an absolute eternity and can be quite bossy and annoying and some have an overkill of lots of group shots and it takes an age to find people.

Nice food. To me the traditional favours and a traditional wedding cake and aren’t important. But cakes as a pudding is lovely. Some people have given lottery tickets, small miniatures, something important to the couple.

I wouldn’t do a free bar all night do a drink on arrival, drink for toast and a couple of bottles of wine for the table after that its buy your own.

Good DJ/music or band.Think of lots of songs and tracks you like. Invite plenty of people to the night doo.

I think an accessible venue or transport should be provided.

I also hate an imposed dress code i.e.all wear these colours or dress to impress etc etc.

Have fun it is your wedding not your mum in laws and it is unique to you.

No need for favours - complete waste of money. The most important thing is food and drink, and not having people wait around for ages. Evening invites are fine too.

Personally no frills and no flounce. No guests except the 2 witnesses to make it legal. Spend the money saved on a couple of dos in a decent pub with music. Done.

This, but I don't mind a cash bar.

No dogs
plenty of decent food
stovies in the evening

Food and drink.

Drinks and canapés when everyone first arrives at the reception, a bit of wine and a glass of fizz for toasting at the table, and a nice big dinner!

Favours, meh....

A really good meal that’s filling with good portion sizes, including a decent vegetarian option that isn’t a cop-out like macaroni cheese! I’ve been to so many weddings where the vegetarian option was just a plate of vegetables which isn’t enough to sustain a person for several hours.
Live music as part of the ceremony is always really lovely, makes it more special, so much more enjoyable than recorded music, and it means we don’t have to sing hymns if it’s in a church!

@anwensmummy - Mac n cheese is my dream wedding breakfast

The best wedding I went to was in a village hall. Food was a buffet serving haggis, neaps and tatties or mac n cheese with dancing to a brilliant cèilidh band.

I would actually de mark the wedding and the evening reception.

have a small group to the wedding and serve champagne and canapes after.

invite the rest of your guests to a self pay reception at 7:30 and dance after buffet so all kept happy x

Don’t necessarily agree about the favours, got married 20 years ago and favours were painted tea light holders, so many of our guests still have them on display in their homes and believe me they aren’t getting them out just when we go. It was so popular my BIL did the same at their wedding and see the same thing from guests. They were painted by a friend (craft lover not professional) as a gift, cost a few pounds but people clearly valued them. In other matters, agree about enough food being priority, don’t expect a free bar myself but plenty of wine/fizz with the breakfast is important. No massive photo delays, long speeches, no prescriptive dress code, parking at venue or transport arranged especially is moving between ceremony and reception and the bride can be maybe 10 minutes late but not much more

Avoid asking guests , who live a long way away, to attend just the evening do.

I'd go so far as to say that most B&Gs are done in by around 9pm, which is when the evening guests are starting to come alive.

I'd even suggest not having an evening do so that you and your partner can have some private down time.

Just get a few nice shots from your photographer, not hundreds.

Most people will have used their phones for your poses as well as taking informal, quirky shots on their own phones.
Provide all guests with an email/photograph sharing website to upload what they've got.

You don't need 500 photos of your wedding... at best you'll display only one , and at worst , you'll not look at them again for a very long time and might even squirm.

Just a thought... more people don't like salmon than you think they do.

WTF? A wedding ceremony is deeply personal, not a spectator sport. Our wedding is going to be tiny for this reason. Anyone other than very close family and very close friends do not get to see such a personal moment

Surely it’s exactly a spectator sport, or no one would invite anyone?! 😃

Not arsed about favours but hate waiting around for hours for photos.
Nice food (doesn't have to be fancy, just tasty), good music, a photo booth, somewhere comfy to sit, blankets if it's chilly! Perfectly happy to be invited to just the evening.
Just a note though, it's your wedding so have what you want. It doesn't have to be lavish. We got married in the registry office, had a meal for those guests in a local pub (FIL paid), we bought our own champagne on offer in a supermarket and got a good deal on corkage. Cake was from Costco (we got 2, one for the day and one for the evening). In the evening we had a disco in the pub's function room with a buffet. It was a brilliant day and cost us around £500 including outfits😄