To ask what wedding guests actually find important?

[Scarfmisuseissues]

Might regret this knowing how anti-wedding MN can be but here goes! Am in early stages of wedding planning and want to focus our budget on things that will actually make our guests day more enjoyable, as we recognise there's a significant cost/effort involved in attending to celebrate with us.

As a wedding guest, what details/gestures etc are actually important to you, and what could you not give a crap about?

For example, MIL was horrified at my suggestion we ditch favours,-: I'm never that bothered about them, but she thinks people will find it rude.

Also, are you offended when receiving an evening only invite or is it fine? We want to keep numbers at the ceremony smaller as DP is quite shy.

We won't be able to stretch to a free bar all day/night, so that's a no no.

Thank you for participating in my research.

Feed people
Don't ask for money

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave

why not?

Working man's club.😂
Just no, honestly, imagine having a glass of vinegar or a pint of piss for your wedding.
No thanks.

Have you been in one recently?

If you weren't such a snob, you'd have guests well fed and watered, instead of a fancy venue and having to scrimp on food and drink.

I know, I don’t get the suggestion of a working men’s club at all?!

Is it cos people feel they will get plenty of sarnies and sausage rolls there? And to hell with the bride and groom actually wanting someone nice for themselves and their guests to spend the day/evening

I didn't realise it would be so controversial, it was just a suggestion for people saying there's not always a local village hall. As buildings go, they're not that different and they do know how to have a party.

Strangely though, as you say, a pretty venue does seem to be more important than making sure your guests have a good time.

I've been to some fantastic weddings in village halls (one in particular would rent out for many times its price as a private venue as it is so lovely), school halls, and working mens clubs. Personally I'd give up a pretty venue to be able to feed my guests properly - in fact I know the owner of a very, very beautiful 'instagrammable' venue and she says it breaks her heart that the guests go ooh for 30 s, take selfies then go inside and never look outside again, and could be absolutely anywhere.

@OctopusSay

guests can have a good time in a nice venue no?

a nice venue is for the benefit of the guests every bit as much as the bride and groom

Strangely though, as you say, a pretty venue does seem to be more important than making sure your guests have a good time

Pretty much everything seems to be. Guests have no importance it seems.

Yes, but this thread was specifically about where to cut costs...

I guess it depends what you class as a nice venue. To me a nice venue has comfy seats, good food, cheap drinks and clean toilets. A bit of outside/garden space is a bonus.

Yes, I went in one once, took 6 people to unstick me from the carpet.😂😂

Well-fed and watered, yes if you like vinegar wine, watered-down Carling, and moldy sausage rolls.😂

@Comefromaway

the cost of the drinks seems to be directly linked to how nice the venue is though. Which I get because if you have a lovely place that needs a lot of money spending on it’s upkeep, staff to maintain it and keep it clean etc then it stands to reason they will have to charge more for drinks than a village hall or working men’s club who’s running costs are very small.

Outside space is a necessity for a summer wedding. Imagine it being a beautiful sunny day and you have to be cooped up inside all day! I can imagine guests would not be happy at that!

Honestly you can’t win on here and make guests happy it would seem! Thank god people in real life are a lot more chilled

i absolutely wil not be cutting costs down by getting a less nice venue in order to feed guest loads of food and give them access to really cheap drinks!

p.s when I say a nice venue, not thinking like a huge grand stately home or something just a regular nice popular venue but costs have increased so much and with backlog of covid postponed weddings venues can pretty much name their price even those kinds of venues means a hefty outlay for the bride and groom
which people need to understand and appreciate

As long as there's some food and a bar (doesn't have to be a free bar!) I'm happy! I don't care about things like wedding favours - they're really just a token gesture, aren't they? Even when they're nice things, they're still going to be mostly left behind or shoved into a handbag and then transferred to a junk drawer/the bin never to be seen again, or if edible, eaten and immediately forgotten about.

I wouldn't be offended to just get an evening invite - it's fine! I totally understand that a couple might want to keep their ceremony to closest family and friends only, but still want to celebrate with a bigger party in the evening. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The only things that I think might affect my enjoyment of someone else's wedding would be:

• Having to wait around for absolutely ages between the ceremony and reception


• A prescriptive dress code


• A venue that is really hard to get to unless one of you drives - love a country house wedding, but if it's a £50 taxi ride back to the town where the nearest hotel is, that's quite annoying

@10HailMarys

you sound like a great guest!

Whenever I go to a wedding and there are favours, I think, what a waste of money and materials, because 99% of it will go in the trash.

The things I like in a wedding:

A nice, non-corny service. I really appreciate nice music there too.

I like the reception to be clear about what I can expect, will it be nibbles or a meal. I like the reception venue to be warm enough (or cool enough) and comfortable generally.

I like to be able to mingle and talk to people. I want to have the chance to speak, even if briefly, to the bride and groom.

I always really appreciate a dance though I know it's not possible or what all couples want which is fine.

I do not like slideshows or long speeches. One speech that is short is just fine IMO.

As far as decorations, I think minimal is great. If the locations are attractive in themselves, maybe you don't even need any decorations. If they aren't, Some nice flowers but not over the top.

One of the most enjoyable weddings I went to was very low key - it was in a very attractive chapel, there were finger foods, it was mostly standing unless you were infirm, and as much champagne punch as you wanted. It was nice because it was relaxed and you could chat with everyone and it didn't go on endlessly.

A few years back I started a thread on who a wedding (party) was for:
A) The bride & groom - so everyone should go with what the B&G want as it is their special day and you should be honoured to have been invited
B) The guests, that the B&G are wanting to share their special day with, so good effort should be made to take their needs/comfort into account.
I was surprised how many people said A. I think that's why so many weddings aren't very enjoyable.

Food
Free wine
Seats
No long dreary speeches
No long dreary anything

Oh and if your family and friends all live in one town they'd much rather you had a modest wedding in your home town than travel for miles and have to stay over, what do you do with your kids then and it costs a fortune etc.

Also, don't have the ceremony at 11am then piss off for photos for 5 hours while your guests stand about in a hotel lobby.

We arranged ours in three months. We held the reception for 50 guests in our house and garden. Food was a catered buffet and there was enough drink that there was some left over. We hired glasses, crockery and cutlery. Minimal photos. No favours. My mum was a very talented flower arranger and they looked amazing. No waiting around. No stress. If anybody moaned I never heard about it but one or two people said it was the nicest wedding they’d been to.

I've come to really hate wedding photos. It's like couples don't realize that guests don't care about them and do not want to wait around for an hour or more while they are taken. If people want long wedding photo shoots they should schedule them for a different time. Which possibly seems silly because then it's not really a wedding photo, but all the more reason to have a small number of photos, maybe even mainly candids, and save some money.

@LuckySantangelo35

i absolutely wil not be cutting costs down by getting a less nice venue in order to feed guest loads of food and give them access to really cheap drinks!

p.s when I say a nice venue, not thinking like a huge grand stately home or something just a regular nice popular venue but costs have increased so much and with backlog of covid postponed weddings venues can pretty much name their price even those kinds of venues means a hefty outlay for the bride and groom
which people need to understand and appreciate

I'm sure they'll absolutely appreciate paying a tenner for a glass of wine in a hotel of your choosing

@TeenPlusCat

why were you surprised that most people said A?

If just one day cannot be about the actual two people who are getting married, when can it?!

That sounds absolutely completely perfect.

Did you have a wet weather contingency plan?