To have felt irritated by my friend’s children today?

[Chickalick]

Not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to be be honest.

DH and I (who for context don’t have children) went for lunch today with friends of ours and their two DC. Youngest is 5, eldest is 11.

I just didn’t enjoy it and have come home feeling really frazzled due to their DC’s behaviour. I should probably preface it by saying they weren’t being horrendous but neither of them would stay seated for more than 5 mins at a time, constantly bouncing around on their seats, up and down around the table. Youngest kept ear piercingly shrieking every 5 mins and then giggling as they thought it was hilarious, it was like nails on a chalkboard. Eldest kept shouting when they talked (they have a tendency to do this in general) and it was deafening. Youngest kept stabbing their fork repeatedly into the table and eldest started chucking their chips at the youngest which then encouraged youngest to do the same.

I just felt like it was chaos and could feel the diners next to us getting annoyed. It was the noise, just constant really LOUD shouting instead of talking from the eldest or shrieking and silly wailing noises from the youngest. Youngest constantly wanting to get up and run round the restaurant. Us adults could barely hear each other and I just wanted to eat and get out of there ASAP.

To add, parents did tell them to stop each time they shrieked, started chucking food etc but they would stop for about 30 seconds then start again and I think they got fed up of telling them in the end so just kinda gave up. They whipped out an iPad in the end and gave it to them but then they put some game on with the volume on loud and both started shrieking and baying each other when the other was beating them etc.

We’ve just got home and I said to DH that I just didn’t enjoy the meal and won’t be in a hurry to do it with them again. I said it’s like they were feral and had never been taught to sit at the table and eat. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and said that’s just eating out with children, they’re noisy and hyper and there’s not much you can do.

Is he right?

They sound like terribly lazy parents, who haven’t taught their kids to behave in public, or sit nicely without a vile screen in front of them.

My children wouldn't particularly enjoy a meal out but at 11 and 5 they would know how to behave and get on with it. Shrieking and throwing food is not usual.

Ipad probably good idea seeing as the parents probably wanted to chat to you but should have been on something without volume.

Both shrieking and talking very loudly in enclosed public spaces (not the park, kids can be loud in lots of places but not everywhere) are antisocial behaviours that kids need to be told, repeatedly if necessary, are not acceptable. Excuses listed here that it's a)the holidays b) they might be tired c) kids can't deal with the boredom of a restaurant are . A 5 year old and 11 year old are capable of taking instruction on how to behave in a restaurant - yes it is hard work and takes repetition, and some kids are more calm than others, but that is part of parenting.

Totally unacceptable behaviour for that age. I would expect it of 2-3 year olds. If my children are ever acting up when we are out they get a warning and then get taken outside. If they didn’t stop I would have left.

We have 5 children and honestly I don't remember any of them ever throwing food or screaming at the table and we eat out regularly! There is no way I would tolerate it for a second. I would be mortified. Totally not normal behaviour

Feral kids in restaurants really winds me up. Usually dragged in by the ‘it takes a village…’ tinkly laugh brigade.

If you want to catch up with friends who have kids you honestly need to be away from the kids and if with kids you need to be st their house so they can go occupy themselves. Even with good behaviour you generally only get a third of the conversation you'd normally get!!! And personally I hate having kids at a restaurant unless it's necessary, it's so boring for them!!!

YANBU. I have kids and that would annoy me no end. I dislike kids in general I'd come home feeling the same.

No of course it isn’t normal!!!
Kids don’t need iPads in restaurants, they don’t need to shout and chuck food at each other. I have four aged between a baby and 10 and not once have any of my children done anything like that. Not have my friends children. The worst they’ll do is get a bit wriggly and squirmy. we’ll chat to them or they chat to each other and play a game of uno. The littler one will do colouring sometimes if it’s a longer wait.
Your friends sound like lazy parents tbh

@NellWilsonsWhiteHair Superb response and I agree wholeheartedly.

You are definitely NBU, that sounds hellish!
We recently went out to dinner with friends - all kids were teenagers and their two were up and down from the table, went out to the garden, hardly ate what they had ordered and eventually took the car keys and went and sat in their parent's car 'because they were bored' - I couldn't believe how rude they were and their parents weren't bothered at all!!

Also..eating out at restaurants is not boring for many children! Mine love a chance to eat something nice, drink a coke, have a pudding!

OP this made me lol but I am 100% with you
I don’t care if it’s about parenting
It just isn’t something I want in my life.

The earliest I’ve ever been drunk was when friends with infants decided, very kindly, to a birthday lunch for me at theirs. I needed to drink just to tolerate toddlers at meal time. I did not know this till this lunch.

Last time a five year old and eight year old were at mine, I said to myself, this is the last time.

Happily childfree. I’ll never forget one friend who really wanted children till she went on holiday with extended family with DC.

This doesn’t need to happen in your life often. Yanbu at all for hating it.

That’s not normal at all for 11, and it’s not really normal for 5 either. If you bring them games / if necs allow screens while waiting for food, they ought be able to behave fine. I’d avoid in future.

@Chickalick

I have known these children since they were babies. Their parents talk about them non-stop. There is no SEN. Thy were just being boisterous and unruly, which I totally get sometimes children are. It doesn’t mean they’re SEN. I think this is part of the problem with today’s society, no children can be ‘naughty’ anymore, everyone wants to excuse their behaviour by diagnosing them with medical conditions.

There just has never been particularly strict parenting, ever. Like I say, they seem to want to be their DC’s best pals, rather than their parents so it’s not surprising they’re a bit unruly.

If you “totally get” that kids can be boisterous and unruly, then why go out with them and be surprised?

Sorry op but if you can’t cope with kids on their bad days, don’t go out to dinner with them.

And by the way I don’t think anyone who has kids with SEN wants to excuse their behaviour by getting them diagnosed. Alongside the “naughty” behaviour you perceive are issues such as fine and gross motor skills problems, sleep issues seizures etc.

The problem with today’s society are people who completely lack understanding and are unsupportive.

Just about acceptable from a particularly immature 5 year old but not from an 11 year old.

If my kids threw food at the table I'd remove them from them from the restaurant. That's not fun for anyone.

I’ve got kids and this is horrendous. Not least the iPad on full volume. My absolute bug bear. The little sh*ts will still watch it with the volume off 😉

Not surprised it was unenjoyable. Kids of that age should be able to behave relatively well out for luck (all things being equal in absence of behavioural disorders etc) - but only if they have been taught to. Only meet with them without kids going forward.

And yes kids have a habit of having volume control issues but I’ve always reminded mine that other people are out and would like to enjoy their meals so it’s quite rude to shout etc. It’s not rocket science.

Kids are irritating.

My own kids annoy me and other people's children are the worst!

No that is not normal behaviour from children of that age. My children were taught how to behave at the table in restaurants from a young age and my grandchildren would also not behave like that and they are younger than your friends children. At the age of 3 and 6 they are able to sit relatively quietly and either do some colouring or watch something on a phone or ipad quietly or one of us would take them out in a play area or garden if the restaurant or pub had one. No shrieking at the table, volume up on the phone, running around in a restaurant or throwing food. Your friends children have appalling behaviour no doubt because of bad parenting unless they have special needs. I would not rush to repeat the experience.

My two are 6 and 4 and know how to behave when we go out to eat.., eldest has an autism diagnosis too.. not bragging but just saying at 5 and 11 they should be able ri cope with a meal out..,

It's not necessarily entirely to do with parenting, partly it could be the personalities of the kids too. My 2.5yo is perfectly behaved in a restaurant -she's polite, uses cutlery, says please and thankyou to staff and sits really nicely and quietly with her colouring.
My 6yo is loud, restless, impatient, rude, and messy. We've explained table manners to him every mealtime at home, we've had consequences like dismissing him from the table mid-meal for repeated inappropriate behaviour, we've praised and encouraged the correct behaviour and he is seemingly impervious to all our attempts to improve his manners. He hasn't eaten in a restaurant for almost 3 years because until he can behave properly it's not worth spending money on a meal out that I know will be stressful and embarrassing.
They've both been raised exactly the same, DD just has a much calmer, more compliant character.
If we want to have a meal with friends we go for a picnic in the park, or get a takeaway when the kids are in bed.

No, not normal for kids to behave like that at a meal out. I’d expect a five-year-old to be a bit fidgety (and would have brought something like a colouring book or a silent phone game to occupy them) but they will definitely have to sit on a chair and not scream for fun at school at that age, so they should be capable of getting through a meal without creating havoc. If they really can’t manage that, their parents shouldn’t take them out for meals in places that aren’t child-oriented.

It is absolutely not acceptable or normal for an 11-year-old to behave like that at all at a meal. My friend’s son has ADHD and his behaviour can be very challenging, but he definitely didn’t behave like that in restaurants at the age of 11. I was at a wedding recently where there 15 kids at the sit-down meal, ranging from 3 to 12, and none of them were screaming, throwing food or anything like that, getting up and running around while eating. I wouldn’t be going out for a meal with your friends as a family again.

I get irritated going out for the day or for food with my friend and her son who is 8. He is so badly behaved, everything is on his time, he runs off and across roads without looking, our time in a public toilet is totally dictated by him, he will not wait patiently, we went for ice cream and he had to go first and after getting his he said to the shop assistant "make sure their ice cream is not as good"... I was soooo mad! Behaviour in car also so bad, he wants everything his way, can't play board games as if he's not winning the tantrum is off the planet and the game is thrown. Mum is so soft,got to point I can't cope with it anymore.