@CheshireCats
Don't do it.
If you were to split up in the future, you will have lost your career and financial independence. Not to mention pension contributions.
This…but…
Would he agree to pay into a savings ISA for you in lieu of pension and agree that if you split up this would be treated like a pension e.g. considered in pension sharing arrangement for future not existing asset
Would he agree to pay you a “salary “ for your home working each month so that money is yours not something that you are beholden to him for and you have some autonomy over it. Including a personal allowance which is for you only to spend entirely as you wish on whatever you want/need and not an account you have to share detials of
I would also be saying you need “holiday” allowance same as him…otherwise you will never get a day off and over time he will stop doing anything even at weekends.
You must treat it like a job. In return he can lay out his expectations of what is fair for you to take on in a discussion where you both agree what your working week would involve. With SAHM the job speck is clearer and has a predefined set of changes based on kids ages as they grow up…you don’t have that so must define exactly what your new role will be.
I would also take the opportunity to train up for a new career with a view to get back to working in next 3-5 years
As a SAHM you have a ready bank of social day time opportunities and chances to get out the house, with women at similar stage of life and common ground. That is a godsend to get away from domestic drudgery and stuck inside the house. It breaks up the week, allows you to talk to someone. So, how will you get that social interaction- you’ll not have that “mums and toddler” network, you’ll not have the sort of stuff I go to with over 55s retired community ( I live on my own now and again need to get out and socialise even though I’m introverted). Do you have friends already that are SAH with no kids and paid employment that you can socialise with? Otherwise be very careful. Add to that how will your DH feel that he is in work slogging away when he knows your out and about socialising at least for some hours during the working day? That can grind someone down when work gets stressful and resentment can quickly build up.
Personally, I’d consider it only if there was a time limited period, like retraining, improving your health or some other goal.
But just because now it seems more attractive than working , in 10 years will you feel like that still…no role in life that you can define to others, the relentless entropy of housekeeping….as soon as you tidy/clean something it will begin again to get dirtier over time no matter what you do…you can never achieve a point where you can say I have done that, I have created that, I don’t need to do that again- you’re just pushing back on natural decay and chaos all the time, soul destroying and wide up to build up of resentment when you’ve spent all day domesticating and DH either doesn’t notice, doesn’t ask how you got on that day, or walks in and starts to undo all your hard work cos he no longer cares as he doesn’t have to ever clean up his mess.
Don’t do this just becuase of how you feel now. Look at a vision of 10 years times. What do you want to have achieved in your life, what can you see your doing with your time, where will you get your joy in living from, what would you and DH be doing togther that would strengthen and deepen your shared life. Talk and talk with DH to align your visions into a shared vision you know you are both aiming for
Start there. Work backwards to define how to navigate to that vision over next 10 years. Then build your plans around it including what you will do for next 2 years regarding your job or resigning.
Also consider what would happen if your circumstances change. What would you do if one of you became Ill, perhaps your DH has to give up work due to sickness, or is made redundant…maybe he finds it harder to get work…what will you do? You need something so you can both step up and make up income in maybe lower paying jobs until he can find his new carer job again. You cannot abdicate all responsibility for supporting yourself or you as a couple if circumstances change. That is not his role in your marriage- you are in it together. For example my husband never worked again 17 years into my 30 year marriage . I had to return to work full time (I had stayed part time fortunately) and was main breadwinner for the rest of our marriage. Then I ended up divorcing him after 31 years. I never ever thought that would happen after so long. Luckily we both had financial support and assets and we could separate without being dumped into poverty
Be really careful to not throw away your independence. You do not know what is around the corner.