To quit my job and become a housewife

[HateMyJob12345]

AIBU to resign from my job and become a housewife? I am miserable at work (have another thread about it) to the point where I’m probably going to resign as it’s making me ill. My husband says I should resign as he’s seeing how miserable I am and says he’s happy to be the breadwinner. We can afford to do this. At the moment we don’t spend all our money and a large chunk goes in savings each month. The thought of being a housewife and having the time to have a clean house, cook decent meals each day and that sort of thing is seeming so appealing. But I’ve always scoffed at women who don’t work, as the feminist in me is saying women should have their own income. And I’m used to having my own money. I have enough savings to keep me going for 12-18 months but then I’d be dependent on my husband. Anyone else done this? It feels lazy as I don’t have kids. Of course I will look for another job but there’s every chance I won’t find one so might end up a housewife.

Take time out, by all means. But longterm, I would say have a look for another job.

Look for another job and go part time to give you better work/life balance. I've done this and I work remotely and have so much time to do other things.

Ask for a career break so you can make your mind during that period, they can be up to 1 year long.

Then use that time to take the break you need and find another job. You can resign at any given time or come back to it if no job have been found by the end of it.

I don’t see any risk on that, the worst thing that can happen is that you don’t come back but would be able to enjoy the break and soul searching without the financial pressure that comes from not having to worry about the money running out.

And remember, ageism is real and difficult to avoid so looking for a job with a job becomes even more crucial.

Do it! Take some time to figure things out. If you like not working then stick with it as long as it makes you happy. If you don't, then you've got the luxury of time and money to find a flexible career that you will enjoy. Exciting times I think!

They say it's easier to find another job once in a job so I'd start with job looking, but if it's affecting your health and you have the resources and support of your spouse to do so, I can't see it as unreasonable. I wouldn't put ideals before health and it's most likely another option will come along.

I do think it was unreasonable to scoff at women who aren't in paid employment though. Thinking it's very risky is one thing, but to scoff when there are many factors involved in accessing and continuing to work a paid job (and how much in society relies on volunteer labour often on women's shoulders, not just paid labour) was just unreasonable.

I'd hand in your notice and look for something that is part time that you are actually interested in. It doesn't have to pay much but just enough that you can cover your own expenses. Like is too short to be miserable and taking some time to find another job with flexible working or even just a change of scenery could do wonders for you. Best of luck op, exciting times ahead.

Just to warn if you do quit that after the initial euphoria of freedom you might feel a little low or adrift. You might even panic that you made the wrong choice. This is quite normal! And doesn’t mean that you made a mistake. I would advise planning a few nice meet ups with friends or an easy short break away to get over the adjustment period.

I wouldn't mainly because of size of pension. But if that's not a concern why not really. See how it goes.

You don’t have to become a housewife forever. If you’re making yourself ill then it won’t be a bad thing to take some time out. Why don’t you set yourself a time limit though so maybe 3-6 months being a housewife, getting yourself feeling stronger and more positive. Do all the things at home you want to then make a plan about your next steps. That might involve retraining so think about time that might take. Just don’t make yourself vulnerable & totally financially dependant on your DH

First of all maybe stop scoffing at women who chose the life they want, being an feminist means making the choices you want, not what other females decided women should want or do.

Secondly why shouldn’t you be a housewife? Just cos you’ve got no kids yet? You don’t need kids to be a housewife.
Do what you want and stop worrying about what others think, including yourself by that I mean stop judging others and just do what makes you happy.

You can always go back to work, nothing is stopping you.

I was in your position a few years ago but with DC. Public sector with nearly 30 years of pension contributions. I had enough and left the job and took a break of several months. Been in my current PT job for two years. Work is still pressured due to the nature of the role, but Management are productive and a lot more flexible which makes my life a lot easier.

Life is too short to stay in a job that’s making you ill.
Having said that, giving up work altogether and having no income of your own is risky and you should at the very least put in plans to retrain on something you would like to do, or take some time out, but then find another job.

We don’t have kids and I have up work 4 years ago, I do volunteering in an area that I’ve always been passionate about but never had time to do it and last year my husband and I started a new business together, I do the majority of that work and he helps when can when his full time job allows him time.

I’m starting to care for older family members now too and be there for them when they need help which I wouldn’t have been able to do if I worked full time, I have absolutely no regrets and happier now than I was! I had been working non stop since 15 ( weekend /holiday job) and I’m now in my 40s and gave up employment at 38 and felt lucky I have been able to have that choice as I know other people can’t.

Oh, and I would never give up work to be a Housewife. My break of several months confirmed that for me. My DP was supportive but I would never give up my independence again. It makes you vulnerable and reliant on someone else and you don’t know what the future will bring. I had worked since my teens without a break at that point, so losing my independence was hard for me.

Unpaid work has value in it, it can have more value than paid work in many cases. And there are lots of worthwhile things a person who is not in paid employment can do for the community, their family, themselves.

On the money side, it sounds like you are in a position to do this to me. But I would sit down and run the numbers, including what would happen if there was death or divorce. You have your pension If your dh died, and possibly some benefits as a widow? What about insurance, for example on your home - would that be paid off? Does he have a pension that would come to you? You might find that once you look at it, you could remain not working or only have to work part time if he dies, which is very doable.

In terms or a divorce, I'd just break it down in a similar way. See what you could put in place in case the worst happened. And you also have to make a judgement call, how likely is this, really. It's all very well to say you need to take every possibility into account, but that's not really possible and no one actually does it no matter what they claim, they look at the most likely scenarios. The chance of a divorce for you may not be the chance for the next door neighbour, so statistics aren't much help in this instance.

If you are leaving your job anyway, if you decide staying home isn't what you want, you can always find another job. And having had a break might mean you find some other direction to move in.

Post covid, loads of people are looking to move jobs for a variety of reasons

Now is a really good time to look for another job !

Can be PT if you can afford it

Have a look round at job vacancies

Always easier to find a new job, when you already have a job

I would quit the job, have a break for 3 months or so, and then start thinking about getting back into work again, even if it is part time.
I would worry too much about not having an income of my own and I'd worry the dynamics of the relationship would change and both of us starting to resent the other.
You might start to feel like a skivvy and he might resent that you get to stay at home and enjoy your hobbies whilst he's out at work every day.

I think go for it OP (but look into a career break first maybe). Sounds like you need a break and you clearly have heaps of experience to fall back on, and you already have a decent pension. (You can get another one if you get a new job but keep your existing pension as it is). A friend quit her full time civil service job to start up her own business at a similar age. My DH did the same, but a private sector job he'd done for 25 years. He'd had enough and could afford to, so did.

I'd love to do it but I'm single and can't afford it.

Resign and take a career break. Put a time limit on it - say a few months; 6 tops; enjoy some time off doing projects at home and then start job hunting. You could think about a career change or get something part time or less stressful but it's not a good idea to give up work altogether. What about pension and NI contributions?

Why are you even considering using your savings to cover costs of you being at home? Bizarre and martyr like.

If for whatever reason you don’t feel comfortable spending whatever you wish on a joint card- I wouldn’t recommend doing it.

I will be a SAHM after my baby is born for 4 years until she goes to school. But I am going to be confident in my contribution to the household and not feel bad for a moment about going get my hair done, or go for brunch or buy new things I need them. My OH would not want me to go without these things either, and has ‘looked after’ me as the lower earner for the duration of our relationship.

If you think you are going to write yourself off as ‘lazy’, live like a poor church mouse and drain your savings for everyday costs out of insecurity- then I wouldn’t be leaving work!

Do it.

I work freelance on a few things and bring in around 600 a month, often more, and it goes on our home, daughter's education, and my social life.

Husband is the breadwinner and it's made me realise this is exactly how family life should be.

This feminism thing is all well and good until it started to break up the family unit.

Why would we want to be in work whilst other people raise our children? Keeping a home is a full-time vocation. I make three healthy meals a day. I educate our child at home. We have so much fun and learn so much together. My husband comes home to a hot meal and a happy wife and child.

I have my own money because I like to buy little things here and there and don't want an allowance or anything. But anything big comes from my husband's account and I have his card on me should I need it.

Are you really wondering whether you should keep yourself in a position making you miserable instead of caring for your family and home?

Why? It's really simple. My place is in the home. If other women feel it isn't, great for them. But I love my home, my husband, my child, and my life and I would not have it any other way.

Personally I think you should be independent and pull your weight financially in a relationship to the best of your ability.

Unless you are looking after kids it doesn’t make sense due to childcare costs. Or Your partner is very very well off.

As in I wouldn’t like it if a man gave up work and stayed at home so I wouldn’t expect someone to support me. Obviously lots of people do do it so maybe that’s just me.

@HateMyJob12345

AIBU to resign from my job and become a housewife? I am miserable at work (have another thread about it) to the point where I’m probably going to resign as it’s making me ill. My husband says I should resign as he’s seeing how miserable I am and says he’s happy to be the breadwinner. We can afford to do this. At the moment we don’t spend all our money and a large chunk goes in savings each month. The thought of being a housewife and having the time to have a clean house, cook decent meals each day and that sort of thing is seeming so appealing. But I’ve always scoffed at women who don’t work, as the feminist in me is saying women should have their own income. And I’m used to having my own money. I have enough savings to keep me going for 12-18 months but then I’d be dependent on my husband. Anyone else done this? It feels lazy as I don’t have kids. Of course I will look for another job but there’s every chance I won’t find one so might end up a housewife.

You are dependent on your husband. Sounds like you chose wisely, so be dependent, there's nothing wrong with it. He is meant to provide for his family. Women should have the same opportunities as men but it can't be denied that we are the childbearers and naturally child feeders and rearers. Men can't do what we do and don't try. So why do we try to do what they do?

Why do children want both parents doing 8 hour days and seeing them for less than a third of their lives?

They don't.

You are dependent on your husband. Sounds like you chose wisely, so be dependent, there's nothing wrong with it. He is meant to provide for his family. Women should have the same opportunities as men but it can't be denied that we are the childbearers and naturally child feeders and rearers. Men can't do what we do and don't try. So why do we try to do what they do? Why do children want both parents doing 8 hour days and seeing them for less than a third of their lives? They don't.

Hahahahahaha.

Two friends and a relative have done it and it works for them. One works now and again for a few months at a time not because she is bored just opportunities that arise and she wants to.