To quit my job and become a housewife

[HateMyJob12345]

AIBU to resign from my job and become a housewife? I am miserable at work (have another thread about it) to the point where I’m probably going to resign as it’s making me ill. My husband says I should resign as he’s seeing how miserable I am and says he’s happy to be the breadwinner. We can afford to do this. At the moment we don’t spend all our money and a large chunk goes in savings each month. The thought of being a housewife and having the time to have a clean house, cook decent meals each day and that sort of thing is seeming so appealing. But I’ve always scoffed at women who don’t work, as the feminist in me is saying women should have their own income. And I’m used to having my own money. I have enough savings to keep me going for 12-18 months but then I’d be dependent on my husband. Anyone else done this? It feels lazy as I don’t have kids. Of course I will look for another job but there’s every chance I won’t find one so might end up a housewife.

“I've just had a secret guess which department that is, with a few others on the shortlist”

I’ve been looking at my options and have put my CV out there during the last few weeks. I have been receiving emails from recruiters at least three times per week in regard to roles in that department and also NHS jobs. I’m not interested as I’m trying to steer clear of public/civil service jobs. I wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole!

@secretspad your post is very identifiable, is that intentional?

Thanks for everyone’s responses. I agree quitting work entirely will just replace work stress with a different type of stress in terms of the vulnerability of not being financially independent. I’m going to apply for other CS roles. I think resigning is an absolute last resort, but good to have in my back pocket if I don’t get another role quick enough and the stress gets too much. But resigning would not be a long term thing and whatever happens I would get another job, any job, to make sure I have my own income.

Good luck OP! ☘️

I did this at exactly your age. Resigned, took a few months off to relax and decide what I wanted to do and went to uni at 43 to do an NHS degree. I'm in my 60s now but still in great demand, as there is a shortage of experienced people in my role. Please don't write yourself off at 42, just take some time to think what you would like to do, plenty of people change careers at that age and you will have plenty of transferable skills from your current job. Personally I looked into jobs that there were a shortage of (but in the medical field as that interested me) as I needed to earn enough to support my children so needed to be guaranteed a job at the end of it. I also obviously saved enough before to tide us over the period when I wouldn't be earning. 💐

Do it. If you can afford it and your husband is supportive, there's nothing to lose. Quit the miserable job, it will make you even more unwell.

*otherwise it will- this is what I meant ;)

Sounds like a positive step forward OP - good luck!

Except your financial security, independence and sense of self. Yes, nothing to lose.

I would look for another job whilst you have one, it's much easier to get another job that way compared to being unemployed.

@alanabennett that is what I keep going round in circles in my head. Just not sure what to do or which is the worse situation. This week things seem to have blown up even further too. Feel broken.

What job did you do? I’m 42 a looking for a career change. I am a software developer but too old for that now.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Can you try and just think of work as a temporary thing, maybe set yourself a deadline of, say, the end of 2022. If you haven't found something by then, leave. At least then you may not feel as though you're looking into a never ending abyss.

@alanabennett Setting myself a deadline of end 2022 is good advice, thanks. It all feels so hopeless right now

I feel for you as a civil servant. My wife is also one and she is handing in her notice due to the toxic work culture. There's so many micro managers that have made her life a misery and pushed her to the limit mentally and they don't seem to value mental health at all.

I'm I'm my 40s, no children and I work 2 days per week. I do all the household chores, food shops blah blah so we can kick back and enjoy weekends together when DH is off without having a gazillion things to do. It's a decision we made together. You do whatever works for you.

Hi Op how did it all go?

@HateMyJob12345 Yes I’d like to know too, come back and update us 😊 Did it get better? Or did you quit?

Work got better with a change of line manager so I stayed put 🙂 Im glad I stuck it out in the end but it was a very difficult time. Thanks to everyone on this forum for their support.

Thanks for the update
OP and I am glad that things improved so much for you.

That's great OP.

@SecretSpAD how did things work out for your husband?

Isn’t this where the feminist movement has gone too far and thus because of productivity and costs - women’s defacto stance is have to work rather than want to work.

The arguments for both sides are well made already - but fact is - because the pendulum has swung, most families need two incomes to survive now, and if you are a single parent - my god is it hard.

We take turns in not working. We’re lucky that one of us was able to to invest early and those gains have resulted into FIRE and thus she will be able to retire at 43 and follow her personal passion projects, and i will dabble with what interests me and work when I choose to when I turn 55 in about 70 odd weeks. There is no benefit in me working any longer - and I’m only part time now.

So I’d say - if you can manage without your income. go for it.

If you can afford to take a break for a few months, then I would. But I would be looking to re-train, move jobs, volunteer or similar. There's no way I would be financially dependent on someone else.
If you want to stay in your industry it's easier to find a job when you have a job, but you could look to move and if successful have a few weeks break in between leaving one job and starting another?
I left a job where I had to give 3 months notice - standard at my level - but they didn't want me in, I was essentially paid 3 months for doing very little. It was bliss!

I'd also suggest either asking for part-time hours where you are, or finding a job that allows you to work PT. Working 3/4 days a week is great if you can afford it.

Same for your DH, could he go to 4 days? You work 4, he works 4? Your quality of life will vastly improve...