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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think husband is a twat for this comment?

245 replies

indiesearcher · 17/04/2022 22:58

DH and I are away for the Easter break with kids. Put them to bed, we're playing a few games of cards to pass the evening. All is fine.

I have beaten him at cards for the tenth time in a row and JOKINGLY (very jovially) said "you can't beat me at rummy, you can't beat me at Uno, you can't beat me at anything!"

To which he replied:

"I can beat you at salary. I double your salary"

I didn't know what to say really. So I sort of let it wash over me, jokingly retorted that he can almost double my age, and then wistfully said, "yes I do wonder where I might be now salary wise if I hadn't taken years out to raise our children, and then move half way around the world having quit my job so we could exploit your earning potential".

Then he basically started sulking and turned the whole thing on me. Various claims of "so you'd rather I hadn't dragged you abroad, so you'd rather we hadn't had the children etc etc". Which is all bullshit obviously - I've been very happy with our life, but it was a shitty comment he made and but else was I supposed to have said? I said I cannot have this conversation with you and he then walked out the room.

AIBU to have asked him to acknowledge it was a shitty comment and not budge until he apologises? He has gone off to sleep in another room.

OP posts:
TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 17/04/2022 23:00

It was a shitty comment.

I earn 3 times what my husband does and I would never ever use that against him or even bring it up in conversation!

PlasticineMeg · 17/04/2022 23:01

TBH I think if you’ve been a bit over sensitive. Unless salary is a consistent sticking point, it’s just two people joking with each other. I’m not sure that telling someone they’re shit at all the games holds much of a higher ground even in ‘joking’ terms.

Sundancerintherain · 17/04/2022 23:02

He is an arse.

Burnamer · 17/04/2022 23:02

Sounds like your first comment was a bit mean, he was hurt and responded badly and it all blew up from there….
If everything is otherwise good, can you both agree to forget it and move on?

Original poster
indiesearcher · 17/04/2022 23:04

Honestly was my comment so mean it deserved his in response?? We were hardly playing seriously and it's a bit of a running joke that I get lucky with cards....

OP posts:
Favourodds · 17/04/2022 23:05

Oh god, you're just having a pointless argument. Do you really need strangers on the internet to validate it for you?

Yes, he was an arse. Yes, you were melodramatic. Hope that helps.

Iggly · 17/04/2022 23:05

@PlasticineMeg

TBH I think if you’ve been a bit over sensitive. Unless salary is a consistent sticking point, it’s just two people joking with each other. I’m not sure that telling someone they’re shit at all the games holds much of a higher ground even in ‘joking’ terms.
I completely disagree.

OP, your husband is a wanker.

Theunamedcat · 17/04/2022 23:06

You joked with him and it bruised his ego

PlasticineMeg · 17/04/2022 23:06

Hmm TBH I think when people make unkind comments and then go “ugh God was just a joke!”, that’s v annoying. And each to their own but I cannot stand ungracious winners, it ruins the game, even in jest. If you dish it out you need to be able to take it.

frustratedhostage · 17/04/2022 23:07

He was being a twat.
Actually he was very insensitive and you called him out on it, which he clearly doesn't like.

lemongreentea · 17/04/2022 23:07

He was a twat to say that.

Had he had a drink? Is he normally ok?

You do soubd resentful tbh so maybe hes picking up on that. Hopefully you can sort things out in the morning

Original poster
indiesearcher · 17/04/2022 23:08

Oooh seems like I might have touched a nerve, fair enough, happy to be told IABU. Just think he's the one that took it too far.

OP posts:
ouch321 · 17/04/2022 23:08

Well you weren't being v nice to him to start with so...

maddy68 · 17/04/2022 23:08

Surely you have both been drinking. If you analysed the conversation you are both shitty

Original poster
indiesearcher · 17/04/2022 23:08

@Favourodds I sort of thought that was the point of AIBU.

OP posts:
Original poster
indiesearcher · 17/04/2022 23:09

Nope @maddy68 I'm sober he's been drinking. That's another thread though.

OP posts:
PlasticineMeg · 17/04/2022 23:09

Oh it’s one of those threads:

OP: AIBU?
Some posters: Yes
OP: Oooh well haven’t I hit a nerve, it’s not me, I’m definitely in the right.

I mean why even bother asking?

Branleuse · 17/04/2022 23:09

Maybe you guys shouldnt play competitive games together

Tigertigertigertiger · 17/04/2022 23:10

I totally get his point.

And to say you can’t beat me at anything is asking for trouble

PlasticineMeg · 17/04/2022 23:10

You’ll have to be like the Gellers and ban board games Grin

Original poster
indiesearcher · 17/04/2022 23:11

@PlasticineMeg no no, happy to be wrong. I'll apologise to him in the morning.

Still think he's a twat.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 17/04/2022 23:11

Is he almost double your age then?
Perhaps salary should be divided by adult years to compare?

He was a dick, went from larking around over something inconsequential to something that had a high chance of being sensitive.

SparklingLime · 17/04/2022 23:11

He was being a total prick.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/04/2022 23:11

No one likes a bad winner.

Maybe he doesn’t find the joke as amusing as you do. Whatever the tone you think you used you were bragging to his face that he’s a loser when you could both just have been having fun. He’s a more tolerant person than many to stick it out losing 10 games in a row tbh.

He lashed out, you did so back.

Did you not want to move? Is that a sore point?

You could have shrugged his comment off with any number of responses that didn’t involve suggesting you resent what having kids with him and relocating have done to your income potential.

You were a dick. He was a dick. You really properly let rip possibly coupled with a sad face martyr routine. You shut the conversation down.

He’s not solely in the wrong.

He’s no doubt feeling as hurt and aggrieved as you are and feels he deserves an apology. So what are you going to do?

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 17/04/2022 23:12

@Favourodds

Oh god, you're just having a pointless argument. Do you really need strangers on the internet to validate it for you?

Yes, he was an arse. Yes, you were melodramatic. Hope that helps.

This pretty much sums it up.
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