Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Original poster

Not bothering with summer holidays- ungrateful kids?

263 replies

Tethersend01 · 17/04/2022 21:15

We have two Kids ages 12 and 15.
To set the scene Myself and DH had horrible childhoods (poverty, abuse etc) and have worked hard in every way to ensure our kids lives are a world away from our own experiences
We have always made an effort with Summer holidays, mainly holidays in the UK ( hotels since they have been older and things like Centreparcs) also driven abroad, France, Eurodisney etc.
I have a huge fear of flying (flew a lot when I was younger) due to two horrific experiences and I have no interest in ‘getting over’ this.
It’s literally the only thing I’m not prepared to do holiday wise.
Now, I will say at this point, holidays are not something I particularly enjoy, they are not relaxing for me and even the fully catered ones are rather stressful overall.
Anyhow, both boys now want to go abroad but only on a plane.
One wants to go to the USA the other wants to go to skiing (we don’t ski).
I suggested a cruise on one of theuxuryvfamily cruise liners one where you stop off at lots of places but they are both refusing to even consider that. They are refusing a UK holiday or to drive to the continent.
I’m at a loss and seriously fed up.
I’m being made the scapegoat as they are blaming my lack of flying and as time goes on its less and less likely we will be anle to book anything at all.
AIBU not to bother this year?

OP posts:

GraceandMolly · 17/04/2022 22:16

I vote YABU for suggesting a cruise to teenagers. I could not think of anything more boring at that age.

ItsMsAtomicBobToYou · 17/04/2022 22:17

I can see it from both sides. On one hand, you are footing the bill, so if flying terrifies you it's not very fair to force you in a holiday you'll hate. My seven year old keeps asking to go camping for a holiday and it will be a cold day in hell before that happens.

On the other, you've given them input into what holidays you go on, so it's not that surprising that they think they can offer up alternatives. I don't blame them for hating the idea of a cruise, it is my idea of absolute hell, and flying is far quicker. I don't think they're ungrateful; I think they're just being teenagers.

Send them off on a weekend away with their dad as a test run, and then let the three of them figure out their own holidays.

Notimeforaname · 17/04/2022 22:18

I was going to say YABU but then I saw that you told them to go ahead without and they still complained!.

So I actually think YANBU here.

As you say you have no interest in getting over it and that's completely your choice. But I do hope for your sake one or both of your children dont move abroad to somewhere you can only reach by plane!

Tumbleweed101 · 17/04/2022 22:18

At 12 and 16 my children could tell me what they'd like as a holiday but not dictate the final choice. As a single parent on low income they are lucky if they get a holiday anywhere and I'd expect them to be grateful for a break that is.suitable for everyone. That would include compromise for a family member who dislikes flying. They will soon be old enough to earn their own money and choose their own destinations.

aSofaNearYou · 17/04/2022 22:18

@GraceandMolly

I vote YABU for suggesting a cruise to teenagers. I could not think of anything more boring at that age.

Tbf perhaps you were an ungrateful teen too, then. This would have been a pretty lavish holiday for me and I would never have dreamt of saying I "could not think of anything more boring".

AmIbeingTreasonable · 17/04/2022 22:18

I pressed post to soon. "They are refusing to consider" erm the kids don't get to call the shots. They can holiday wherever they want when they can pay for it. It's a hard no to any holiday from me.

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 17/04/2022 22:21

I don’t think YABU at all. You don’t want to fly, with legitimate reason. You have offered loads of other options. You aren’t that bothered about a holiday - you are thinking about their happiness.

I reckon they maybe just don’t get how severe the fear can be - and are hoping to coax you on to a flight?! Once they are a bit more worldly wise, they will get why that would never work. Doesn’t mean they are entitled or spoilt, they perhaps just think they can fix it.

Tigofigo · 17/04/2022 22:22

@MrsTerryPratchett

You can ski in Europe.

In the summer holidays?

Lalliella · 17/04/2022 22:22

Why don’t you go to Spain, Italy or the South of France? They can fly and you could go by train and join them.

fishingforflies · 17/04/2022 22:23

Most school offer a ski trip at some point so that's that box ticked.
There might be adventure holidays that go to the USA.
If you can't fly and your DH is refusing then they ain't getting in a plane with you and that's fine.

My mum was a snob and refused me popular things like barbie dolls and macdonalds which I would have loved...I got over it

NeedleNoodle3 · 17/04/2022 22:25

I vote YABU for suggesting a cruise to teenagers. I could not think of anything more boring at that age
I’ve cruises many times with my teens and boring is the least likely word they would use to describe their holidays. It’s hard fitting all the fun stuff there is to do into the day. As a family we enjoy doing things together and other things separately and this works really well on a cruise. We’ve never had any moaning or teenage moods.

WonderfulYou · 17/04/2022 22:25

I’ve not voted as I can see both sides.

They do sound quite entitled but at the same time you can financially afford to go you just refuse.

My family has never been abroad or been on a plane.
I am constantly telling they need to as I feel they are missing out if they don’t. And I feel your sons are probably doing the same - they want to help you get over this fear and they want you to be part of the holiday.

I get why someone would be afraid of flying but why don’t you like holidays?

I would definitely say they go without you or don’t go at all. And you can join them on local trips instead.

Summerfun54321 · 17/04/2022 22:26

The sleeper train down to the south of France for skiing is awesome. YABU for thinking teenagers would want to go on a cruise and for expecting teenagers to be grateful. They’ll be grateful when they are adults and have learnt empathy (I think 23 is the average age adults learn empathy!)

Bunnycat101 · 17/04/2022 22:27

I’m on the fence with this.

On the one hand; I think they’re being ungrateful sods. I never went abroad with my parents but ended up travelling widely as a young adult. I wouldn’t have dreamed about complaining to my parents about it.

On the other, maybe they want to have a family holiday with you which is why they’re trying to get you to try it. It may be slighted misguided but if they were being purely ungrateful they’d just be off with their dad.

WonderfulYou · 17/04/2022 22:27

Why don’t you go to Spain, Italy or the South of France? They can fly and you could go by train and join them.

Great idea!

Theunamedcat · 17/04/2022 22:27

no they dont get to dictate to you that you should be over your fear its something only you can decide to get treatment for if you want not them i mean fucks sake where does the entitled attitude come from? im only going on a holiday of my choosing and your coming like it or not

no they can go without this year see if their attitude improves next year

NrlySp · 17/04/2022 22:27

We discuss holidays with our teens but ultimately we make the final choice because we are paying. On the flip side a holiday with things for teens to do is likely to be a happier holiday all round.
If they are kicking up that much of a fuss then I’d be having a serious talk with them and upping chores. It’s human nature not to appreciate pleasant things as much if they are handed on a plate.

Mickarooni · 17/04/2022 22:29

So you’re saying your poor children are only able to go abroad on a driving holiday or cruise?!!! :(
OP, I don’t know how you sleep at night depriving your own flesh and blood of the joy of a holiday on an airplane. It’s truly heartbreaking.

Robinni · 17/04/2022 22:29

Peer pressure, a lot of their friends will have gone on flights abroad with the whole family to certain destinations. And they want this experience with you.

They aren’t of the age where they clock you as an actual human being with fears/wants/needs. They just see you as their mum and they want you involved with their lives.

They way you’re feeling is perfectly valid and the holidays you’ve given offered perfectly lovely.

It’s just like you’ve offered them on one hand a PS5 but only one controller (holiday skiing or USA only DH with them), or alternatively trivial pursuit with the whole family present (hol closer to home… or a cruise; don’t you know only oaps go on cruises?!)

I think what another person suggested re France is good - they can go skiing France, Austria, Italy something like that (although presumably not in summer) and you can take the eurotunnel and drive/train.

Whatsmyname100 · 17/04/2022 22:30

@Tethersend01

It wouldn’t bother me if I never went on holiday again. I have everything I need at home (including lots of animals to care for!) I think we can still have a nice time without flying.

But this is how you feel. You are really trying to justify why staying at home is better. I think that you should try to work on the flying issue and do at least one trip with them. Off course as you are the one paying, there's not much they can do. But if you can afford to travel abroad, then it's a bit of a she that they won't get to experience that with you. So they have never flown as well?

Sidisawetlettuce · 17/04/2022 22:30

They sound like entitled brats. When did kids start to get so much power?

RainingYetAgain · 17/04/2022 22:31

Grace is completely wrong IMHO. When teenagers my DS really enjoyed cruises and we did several. The activities arranged for teenagers were fantastic. Younger DS had his 18th on a cruise and was put out that he had to stop joining the group. The older teenagers ended up joining him in the disco to celebrate. He is still in contact with several of the people he met on cruises now, in his mid 20s.

On sea days we only saw them for dinner, and sometimes breakfast as they stayed with their mates during the day mostly.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/04/2022 22:32

Ungrateful little shits!

This is what you need to say......

"I AM NOT FLYING. END OF. So.....these are your options......go anywhere you sodding well like with your father, pick one of the holidays we can go on together or go without. Choose. You have 48 hours otherwise it will default to the Go Without option."

LouiseTrees · 17/04/2022 22:33

Why don’t you suggest skiing in France, then not be able to make the flight due to a work emergency?

Babiesandboardgames · 17/04/2022 22:33

I think your kids are being really unreasonable.

I grew up with family holidays only in the car, as my dad is deathly afraid of planes. He was forced into them as kids and the experience terrified him, my parents also hate cruises and my mum stuck by my dad.

We did a lot of samey holidays to France/ belgium/ uk Southend type places but that's just what i was used to. I did get quire bored of it by about aged 14 so my parents let me stay home.

My parents paid for the holidays and they have the right to dictate where we go and why.

Offer your older teen to stay home if he thinks your holidays aren't up to scratch. He's lucky to get any holidays, loads of people don't have the privledge .

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread