Not bothering with summer holidays- ungrateful kids?

[Tethersend01]

We have two Kids ages 12 and 15.
To set the scene Myself and DH had horrible childhoods (poverty, abuse etc) and have worked hard in every way to ensure our kids lives are a world away from our own experiences
We have always made an effort with Summer holidays, mainly holidays in the UK ( hotels since they have been older and things like Centreparcs) also driven abroad, France, Eurodisney etc.
I have a huge fear of flying (flew a lot when I was younger) due to two horrific experiences and I have no interest in ‘getting over’ this.
It’s literally the only thing I’m not prepared to do holiday wise.
Now, I will say at this point, holidays are not something I particularly enjoy, they are not relaxing for me and even the fully catered ones are rather stressful overall.
Anyhow, both boys now want to go abroad but only on a plane.
One wants to go to the USA the other wants to go to skiing (we don’t ski).
I suggested a cruise on one of theuxuryvfamily cruise liners one where you stop off at lots of places but they are both refusing to even consider that. They are refusing a UK holiday or to drive to the continent.
I’m at a loss and seriously fed up.
I’m being made the scapegoat as they are blaming my lack of flying and as time goes on its less and less likely we will be anle to book anything at all.
AIBU not to bother this year?

@PlasticineMeg

This post reminds me that, despite everything we do for our kids, some people are determined to pretend they had a shitty childhood because their parents weren’t psychic or 100% perfect. It makes me think ‘what’s the fucking point’ in even trying to make your kids happy if they’re gonna grow up to be critical no matter what you do

thank you for your input. May I ask what your evidence is that I am "pretending"? As you know nothing about my childhood perhaps I can request that you refrain from commenting about it? Merely throwing money at a child does not make an adult a good parent. I only wish I was pretending; I would much rather not have had years pf mental health problems that I'm still unpicking.

Genuinely curious as to how you did so much flying as a child, if your childhood was characterised by poverty?

YANBU, I don't think, since you're offering them option of flying with their father. It seems silly that they insist on your presence when it limits the type of holiday they can have.

I’d push for the cruise, if you don’t fancy it as a family then give this year’s holiday a miss.

@RedskyThisNight

Children in a family dont get to choose the family holiday, thats for the parents to do.

absolutely. But children in a family are allowed to not like the family holiday that their parents have chosen for them and not to be branded as "ungrateful" if they don't.

12 and 15 year olds are not young children. They deserve to have their opinions considered.

About age appropriate stuff yes, what clothes they wear, what activities they might want to do while on holiday, what food style to go out for that evening, what film to watch etc etc

Not decisions about the family holiday location and then feeling they can 'refuse to go' if they dont like the plan.

@LetHimHaveIt where did the OP say that the flying experiences related to her childhood?

Lethimhaveit- I said in an earlier post I didn’t fly til I was 19.

Can't you get some diazepam from the doctor to allow you to fly? Tbh I love holidays abroad but if someone said I had to drive there it would be a no from me.

@bellac11 the OP is letting them choose the holiday though, as long as it’s not flying so their opinions do get to be considered.

You can ski in Europe.

@Tethersend01

Lethimhaveit- I said in an earlier post I didn’t fly til I was 19.

Apologies - to you; not your frigging cheerleader upthread - as I missed that completely.

Oooh I’m your cheerleader @Tethersend01 🤣🤣 do I get PomPoms?

My children have never been abroad. Every year we scrimped and saved for a weeks uk caravan holiday. We still do it even though eldest is 26yrs, they actually ask us where we are going. Its not where you go, its who it is with

I think I would be quite clear to them what is on the table - and what is not. They need to be clear that you flying is not going to happen - no matter how much they tantrum. Then I would ask them simply whether they want to go away or not and if they do what they want to do - within the defined parameters - if you are happy to give them the choice. If they can't come up with something between them then they don't go anywhere.
I have a stubborn 12yr old but even she accepts there are some red lines.

I only asked a question, not sure what the prickly response is for.

I know you’re not interested in getting over the fear OP, but have you ever tried hypnotherapy? Its not as woo as it sounds, there is a science behind it. I did it for my fear of heights. I couldn’t even go on a top bunk without freaking out! And whilst I won’t be going skydiving any time soon, I can finally go fell walking and to “high up” tourist attractions with my family!

@Tethersend01

I'm with you
Holidays stress me out with the organisation, packing, kids, keeping everyone happy

I find the whole thing a nightmare and would happily never ever go away ever again

I like being at home

They should be grateful tho if your offering a holiday a lot of children don't get that x

I do think they sound ungrateful... at those ages my DS was de,ighted with whatever holiday we chose, even if it was staying with DGPs in this country or youth hosteling ...... he also asked if he could go on a couple of school ski trips and, as we could afford those, he went and had a great time, then at 18 he paid for his own post A level trip to a Greek resort . I can't imagine him trying to dictate the destination for a family holiday ....

They sound very ungrateful OP. Probably just comparing to friends etc.
They're almost old enough to jet off alone, so leave them to it and book or don't book whatever you feel like. They're being brats.

There are plenty of places you can go on holiday by train - Amsterdam / Paris are easy but the Eurostar has good connections to Barcelona and south of France and Italy. Make the journey into an adventure.

And think of what activities your kids like - swimming or sailing or hiking etc and book those in too. The kids should be able to choose activities but not dictate the location.

I don’t like their attitude. It’s a big thing in my family to try to make the best of things. I love cruise holidays (Disney cruise to Norway from Dover was amazing!) and I love European driving holidays - Efteling in Holland is fabulous.

If they have a good attitude they’ll have a wonderful time.

Don't bother. Tell them in a few years they can pay for and go wherever they want. They're bloody lucky to even have the option of a holiday tbh.

Don’t not take them away- that’s an overreaction, and cutting off your own nose to spite them. They should be more grateful.

Don’t let them dictate - they’re children. Book a flight for them to France, Spain or Italy with your husband- you set off two days earlier driving or on the Eurostar.

Some family friends of my parents always did this. He loved long drives, she loved flying. One child usually went with each parent, but often he just set off alone in the car, usually 2 days before and met them at the airport in France/Spain etc. Just do that.

They sound very ungrateful. YANBU - they sound bratty and spoilt.

It seems you have raised a pair of entitled brats!

I can see both sides.

I'd say to them either we do a cruise or we do nothing this summer- your choice

In fact I imagine theyd like a cruise, they tend to be aimed at a younger crowd these days, esp ships like Royal Caribbean have with water slides, arcades etc all v teenage friendly

At that age my parents used to book the holiday. We had no say. Why are they dictating to you ?