Not bothering with summer holidays- ungrateful kids?

[Tethersend01]

We have two Kids ages 12 and 15.
To set the scene Myself and DH had horrible childhoods (poverty, abuse etc) and have worked hard in every way to ensure our kids lives are a world away from our own experiences
We have always made an effort with Summer holidays, mainly holidays in the UK ( hotels since they have been older and things like Centreparcs) also driven abroad, France, Eurodisney etc.
I have a huge fear of flying (flew a lot when I was younger) due to two horrific experiences and I have no interest in ‘getting over’ this.
It’s literally the only thing I’m not prepared to do holiday wise.
Now, I will say at this point, holidays are not something I particularly enjoy, they are not relaxing for me and even the fully catered ones are rather stressful overall.
Anyhow, both boys now want to go abroad but only on a plane.
One wants to go to the USA the other wants to go to skiing (we don’t ski).
I suggested a cruise on one of theuxuryvfamily cruise liners one where you stop off at lots of places but they are both refusing to even consider that. They are refusing a UK holiday or to drive to the continent.
I’m at a loss and seriously fed up.
I’m being made the scapegoat as they are blaming my lack of flying and as time goes on its less and less likely we will be anle to book anything at all.
AIBU not to bother this year?

@ZoyaTheDestroyer

I use both terms similarly!

Well, that's a new one on me. Quite the image

I think they are being really ungrateful. Particularly in the current economic climate, they are lucky that you are able to take them on holiday at all (obviously they’re probably a bit young to understand this but there’s no harm in telling them). All of your suggestions sound lovely. If they want to go somewhere you have to fly, they’ll have to go with their dad or if wait until they are old enough to go alone.

@Zwellers

So your children have outgrown centerparcs and don't want to go on a cruise. That doesn't male them ungrateful. It's you that are refusing rusing to fly and cutting off access to 3 quarters of all possible holidays. No holiday is a better option that a boring holiday everyone hates. I rember been forced to Spain at a similar age. Most boring 10 days of my life and I had to act grateful.

Well it IS ungrateful, isn't it. If they are acting like Centre Parcs and cruises aren't objectively kind offers.

And they've also ruled out going abroad just not be plane, so she hasn't cut off access to 3 quarters of possible holidays.

What is so boring about being "forced" to Spain? You should have been grateful.

Hi OP,
In times before Covid my husband took our lad (8 at the time) for a whistle stop tour of Italy. It was a February half term and quite cold/rainy but also very cheap at this time of year and they had a great time.

They flew into Venice (if I remember), spent a night there, train to Rome, couple of nights there, day trip to Pompeii, train to Pisa and flew home from there.

The itinerary was decided by where the flights were cheapest and I think the whole trip for both cost about £500. They had a great time but it would not have been my thing at all. All the packing up and travelling - I think for the day trip to Pompeii they caught the train about 4am. We had a young baby at the time and I was more than happy to be at home with him.

If your partner is happy to do an adventurous trip with your kids why not enjoy planning something exciting with them and then spend a lovely week chilling at home while they go have fun.

@Zwellers
What was so bad about going to Spain?!
Better than Skegness which is what constituted a family holiday when I was a kid

I can’t fly or manage long car/train journeys because of serious medical issues and I don’t like cruises. This thread is helping me to understand why so many people look so utterly horrified when I say I only go on holiday in the UK!

OP - I have an ungrateful 12-year-old and I completely understand you being fed up.

I had a nice childhood, but my parents are still together and had good incomes when me and my brother were growing up. They provided a nice childhood for us but nothing extremely luxurious and they certainly did not put up with any spoilt or ungrateful behaviour from us.

I, on the other hand, am a single parent. My ex-husband and I split when our daughter was a baby. Since then he has contributed exactly ZERO financially or otherwise to her upbringing. I have been working tirelessly to give her the best possible childhood. She is now 12 and has been in private education since reception. I bought her an actual pony (as she's really into horse riding), a dog (as she begged me for one), lots of other pets that I feed and clean after because she wanted them, built a tree house in our garden as her friend had one and she wanted one (zero interest in it now), the latest iPhone, countless expensive equestrian outfits according to the latest fad, take her to competitions around the country, always allow an infinite number of her friends to stay over for sleepovers, drive her friends around with the dog in tow, always take her on beach holidays and days out etc etc etc. The demands are endless!

Yet she is rude and lazy to the point of not even bothering to lift a finger to boil the kettle ay home, always moany and complaining about everything. I am totally fed up and at the end of my tether! 😡

I think they are ungrateful yes

Children do have to go along with a holiday their parents are prepared to give them - yes there has to be some give and take, but not the kids 100% ruling/ deciding

We all need to cut down on flying anyway (although environmentally I don’t think a cruise is any better!)

They can go on their flying holidays in a few years when they are adults!

My parents totally disregarded what I wanted to do re holidays for their preferences- but they were still nice holidays in retrospect!

@drpet49

YABU- because of you they can’t go on a plane. I’d be fed up of car driving holidays too.

Sorry but that is a terrible attitude! They can't go on a plane because their parents have decided not to spend their money paying for one.

It's the OPs money, the children are not in fact owed a holiday and if she chooses not to spend it on a plane holiday (in the same way I don't want to spend money on traveling to certain destinations) then the choices the children have are to save up for when they are older and go on such holidays themselves. And also to appreciate the holidays that are on offer or not go on one.

@LuckySantangelo35 DS turned 16 about a month ago, but as he has exams at the minute we won't leave him alone during those.

We have an extended family UK holiday in the summer that he'll happily go on for a week, then he's off with a pal later in the summer and we're doing something different without him.

I used to be the mega holiday booker, getting the school holiday flights as soon as they come out, but Covid along with DS getting older has made the whole process a lot more fluid.

Oh and we absolutely take what DS wants into consideration as a child of the 70s no thought was given to what I might want to see or do ( we were in Florida visiting GPS when I was about 5 but DPs refused to take me to Disney as it wasn't "really their type of thing ").

But OP appears to be flogging a dead horse here. I'd maybe get some cruise brochures and see how lame they think it is once they've had a look at them ( not very I'd suspect).